Friend / work drama

cstevens · #1 06-07-2010, 11:37 PM

This is my first thread and unfortunately it's not directly bass-related. I've been able to get all my questions answered so far from previous threads, talkbass is a pretty special place.

I'm looking for advice or similar stories and their outcomes to the following predicament:

I've recently got a 2nd job (part-time contractor) through a friend and ex-coworker in the field that I am looking to be in for a career. The job is part-time and lasts through the summer and leads to a potential full-time job. I'm unhappy with my full-time job and have no interest in pursuing the career, but it's stable and I don't want to risk not getting the potential job (giant amount of debt accumulated through college). Another friend, guitarist I play with and now ex-coworker, got a job (full-time contractor) through the mutual friend three weeks after I started working there. I had expressed how much I enjoyed the job, how important the job was to me, and how I was gunning for the full-time position before he even applied for the contractor job. He expressed that he was just taking the job through summer as he is going to college full-time in the fall.

I was warned by another mutual friend that he was gunning for the full-time position. I asked him about it and he confirmed. He said he had to do what was in the best interest for him and that it would lead to better oppurtunities. He's taking the job to make extra money through college (paid for) and doesn't plan on going any further in that industry once he graduates. He doesn't understand why I'm so worked up about it and that I'm being selfish and should have shaken his hand and congratulated him.

I decided to end the 2 year friendship and plan on taking all of my stuff out of our practice space. I also no longer plan on even talking to him outside of work (told him I'd be amiable during work). I can out-smart, out-work, and out-hustle him but I am worried that he'll get the position because he'll get a lot more face time with the boss (part time vs. full time). I have trust issues as I have been royally screwed over by "friends" in the past. Am I overreacting, as this is for a "potential" job? Is there anything else I should do? How do I approach him at work? Should I quit the "dream" job to avoid something bad happening? Have you been through anything similar? If so, what was the outcome?

Best regards

hbarcat · #2 06-08-2010, 09:30 AM

My honest advice is abandon the angst and mellow out. Do the best work you can in your job and let the chips fall where they may. If someone else gets more benfits/rewards, even though you think you may deserve them, don't waste time being bitter and don't kill friendships or burn bridges over it.

Life is too short and it's better to be happy with what little time we have.

Cheers,

-Dan

i_got_a_mohawk · #3 06-08-2010, 09:33 AM

Have to agree.

Life is too short, and if you can't accept some competition from your friends....

And why not make yourself the best candidate for the job? Heck, I've been in similar situations, you just need to work through it, the competition with someone you know makes things all the more interesting.

MJ5150 · #4 06-08-2010, 09:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by i_got_a_mohawk

And why not make yourself the best candidate for the job? Heck, I've been in similar situations, you just need to work through it, the competition with someone you know makes things all the more interesting.

Same thing I was thinking. It looks like you already resigned yourself to being the loser for the opening, bad attitude.

Stop whining and make the best of your temp position to show the employer you are the one for the position, and get back in the band already.

-Mike

MakiSupaStar · #5 06-08-2010, 09:57 AM

Chill out. It's not a race. So what, he got promoted before you. If I got all butthurt everytime someone promoted over me in teacher or as a lifeguard, I'd have no friends left. A friend in a full time position is a good friend to keep. You're friend was right. You should have had a beer with him to celebrate and ask him to put in a good word for you also.

WorkinOnIt · #6 06-08-2010, 10:53 AM

Jobs can be very fleeting and temporary things these days. A friendship can hopefully outlast any job you are competing over regardless of the economy and other troubles.

I would take some deep breaths and just do the best you can to get that spot. And don't compeletely end your friendship, band, etc.

Maintaining a network of contacts (yes, even those that tick you off) is paramount these days in any career. Best of luck to you.

MatticusMania · #7 06-08-2010, 11:48 AM

Everything I would say has been reflected in the last few posts.

Fontaine · #8 06-08-2010, 02:14 PM

Honestly after reading this I have to say, nothing is handed to you in life. Work your *** off, and good luck. If he gets it, he gets it, congratulate him on it and still be friends, and if you get it, even better!

I got word about 1-2weeks ago that after graduating there is a position waiting for me for where I WANT to work (and start a career). I just worked my *** off the past summer when I was there for my internship, got good reviews and then got a call not to long ago. There's no secret, just takes some hard work, dedication and a little luck, if you're a hard worker you'll never be without a job (potentially a career). Just talk to the boss as much as you can, don't e-mail him once and expect him to do all the work to hire you. It's not going to happen like that, stick with them and let them know you WANT to work there.

cstevens · #9 06-08-2010, 07:16 PM

Thanks guys for the advice. Sorry to be a whiner, and thank you for taking time to respond. I definitely need to mellow out and not be so butt-hurt over it. You're right, life is too short. As far as the friendship goes, I'm going to put a hold on it for a week or so and reflect on it without making any rash or heated decisions. The reason being there have been a half dozen or so other situations that made me question our friendship in the past. Even though the friendship may end, I'll still remain a friendly acquaintance at least and will probably still jam with the dude. I'm not so worried about the competition for the job now as I am with him lying about his intentions (mainly just curious). I respect where he's coming from, even if I would've gone about it differently. Thanks again guys for opening my eyes so I can see it through a different prospective.

Steve · #10 06-09-2010, 10:11 AM

Seriously, put the shoe on the other foot. If you got that job offer, would you look at your employer and say, "Gee I'd love to take it but, it wouldn't be fair. My friend over there wants it and he was here first"?

Yea, I didn't think so.

The employer offers the job to the person he wants to do the job. You need to ask yourself why that wasn't you. Maybe it's something negative with you, maybe it's just because the part time gigs are harder to fill and you're already there doing it...

In any event this is a time for thought, reflection, evaluation and redirection. It's not a time for getting all pissy. Don't ever be one of "those guys" in the workplace.

Be the guy your boss should have hired. Your potentially ex-friend will be going back to school soon...

IMHO