friend zoned again...

[runmikeyrun]

***? I hate it. I meet girls, they tell me how awesome I am... sensitive, caring, yet cool because I'm a paramedic, ride motorcycles, play in a band, etc... they tell me how i'm the perfect guy. Then when it comes time to ask the important question they always just want to be friends. I hate it. I mean, i'm not drop dead gorgeous but i'm not hideous either. I guess most girls don't want a 35 year old guy who's in nursing school, have a 6 year old, and have a psychotic ex-wife. Like I can help any of that.

It just irritates me because then you'll see them go for the guy who has a great job or is super hot, but they are total jerks and they have nothing in common with them. Then they're always calling me when they get hurt by them.

F---.

[rr5025]

Solution is simple. Be a jerk

[pacojas]

Originally Posted by rr5025

Solution is simple. Be a jerk

+1

perfect guys never get the girl....

they want someone they can fix.

[Actium]

Get sexual with them first. Get to know them well later. You don't need to be best friends to know you're attracted and want to bang each other. Save that for later.

If you start off being a friend you get categorized that way. Once you are comfortable around them make a move. Don't wait for some perfect moment worthy of some cheesy chick flick to make the move.

[MatticusMania]

Originally Posted by Actium

Get sexual with them first. Get to know them well later. You don't need to be best friends to know you're attracted and want to bang each other. Save that for later.

If you start off being a friend you get categorized that way. Once you are comfortable around them make a move. Don't wait for some perfect moment worthy of some cheesy chick flick to make the move.

+1

I used to get "friend zoned" in my younger days. The solution is simple - dont be a friend. If a woman has found out that you are "sensitive and caring" before you've gotten some youre setting yourself up for failure (not certain failure, but likely). You need to be mysterious first, with signs that youre cool. Then you get them in bed. Women often tend to develop feelings for a man theyve slept with, not always of course. Maybe Im wrong, but then again, I do have a hot wife who is worthy of my time and attention (and there arent many women out there who are).

[MJ5150]

Originally Posted by runmikeyrun

I guess most girls don't want a 35 year old guy who's in nursing school, have a 6 year old, and have a psychotic ex-wife.

Those are some big turnoffs for people. Probably outweigh the coolness of your motorcycle or bass buitar skills for many women. Sorry bro.

-Mike

[MatticusMania]

The way to work around those turnoffs is to sleep with the girl before making that information known.

Speaking from experience.

Her: Youre married?
Me: Technically...

[MJ5150]

Are there still women around willing to engage in sexual intercourse before finding out even basic info like that about someone?

-Mike

[slaps76]

Originally Posted by MJ5150

Those are some big turnoffs for people. Probably outweigh the coolness of your motorcycle or bass buitar skills for many women. Sorry bro.

-Mike

That's BS...yea maybe they can be turnoffs, but it's not the reason he's getting friend zoned all the time.

Start sexual first like mentioned in an above post gets the point across. I used to get friend zone all the time, and it was because I was afraid to flirt, and afraid of rejection, and acted exactly like a platonic friend would from the beginning. All the while my friends who were confident were getting laid. You have to take the attitude that you're the prize that's worth chasing, not the other way around. There's a lot to go into on this subject, but there's one reason.

[jmattbassplaya]

Originally Posted by MJ5150

Are there still women around willing to engage in sexual intercourse before finding out even basic info like that about someone?

-Mike

Yes, and you find them either in college or on your friendly neighborhood street corner

[MJ5150]

Originally Posted by slaps76

That's BS...yea maybe they can be turnoffs, but it's not the reason he's getting friend zoned all the time.

How do you know it's BS? Are you a 35 year old man going to school to be a nurse with a crazy ex-wife and six year old son, but have no problem staying out of the friend zone?

-Mike

[MJ5150]

Originally Posted by jmattbassplaya

Yes, and you find them either in college or on your friendly neighborhood street corner

Honestly, I am surprised about the college women being that easy these days. Street corner girls? Yeah, I figured that much. Money changes things.

-Mike

[MatticusMania]

Originally Posted by MJ5150

Are there still women around willing to engage in sexual intercourse before finding out even basic info like that about someone?

-Mike

For the record, in my exampled posted, the Her is my current wife. When I met her I was seperated from my ex-wife, but had not yet began divorce proceedings due to a lack of funds. We had known each other two months, at max, at that point. And not in the hanging out every day for two months sense, but more in the "Ive been seeing that girl at parties (and dodgeball) for the last two months and I think she's hot" sense. We knew each other enough to flirt and converse, and my marriage & seperation werent really her business at the time.

[MatticusMania]

Originally Posted by MJ5150

Are there still women around willing to engage in sexual intercourse before finding out even basic info like that about someone?

-Mike

Originally Posted by jmattbassplaya

Yes, and you find them either in college or on your friendly neighborhood street corner

You can find a lot of them in bars as well. Somtimes theyre college students, but not always.

[EBodious]

Originally Posted by Actium

Get sexual with them first. Get to know them well later. You don't need to be best friends to know you're attracted and want to bang each other. Save that for later.

If you start off being a friend you get categorized that way. Once you are comfortable around them make a move. Don't wait for some perfect moment worthy of some cheesy chick flick to make the move.

while i don't consider myself a great source of wisdom on getting laid, i think this makes some sense. celebrate the attraction and move on it. once you give them that mind-blowing orgasm, they will be thrilled to know you are an intelligent and sensitive person (watch out tho, that is when attachment forms). if you are truly a caring guy, then i suspect you will not take advantage of this strategy to screw over women like a jerk. just use it to get some loving.

Originally Posted by MatticusMania

The way to work around those turnoffs is to sleep with the girl before making that information known.

Speaking from experience.

Her: Youre married?
Me: Technically...

on this however, i do the opposite. i am not comfortable with having sex with someone without first making sure they know some pertinent info about me. i have kids, i am actually 44 (no one believes it; i have good genes), and... "technically" i am still married. separated, no chance of getting back together, working towards making it legal, but neither me nor my ex have ever been speedy or concerned with legal designations (really, was i 'married' when i signed some government doc or when we combined our finances years earlier?).

i am not telling anyone else what to do, but i for me to feel comfortable getting intimate with someone, i feel like i want the cards on the table. i guess it is also matter what kind of partner you are looking for. having a kid, a psycho ex and working on being a nurse is not gonna be a turn off to all women. ok, it doesn't sound all that great when i type it out. i think the psycho ex may be the only awkward part. if you have a kid, you likely have an ex. i don't think talking about her or her issues is necessary.

my experience as a single, bass playing guy so far has been that the women i meet are desperate to find a guy who can speak in complete sentences. and if you really are interested in what they have to say (and show it), you are on your way!

good luck

[jmattbassplaya]

Originally Posted by MJ5150

Honestly, I am surprised about the college women being that easy these days. Street corner girls? Yeah, I figured that much. Money changes things.

-Mike

Well not all college girls are that way I wouldn't even say most of them are that way. That said, you can go to just about any college party and (if you know what to look for) find at least one girl who's looking to hook up with the first guy who says and does all the right things - ie. make her laugh, make her feel sexy and desired, and most importantly just make a move on her. Honestly, that's good advice on how to get any girl you want.

[pie_man_25]

Originally Posted by MJ5150

Honestly, I am surprised about the college women being that easy these days. Street corner girls? Yeah, I figured that much. Money changes things.

-Mike

you mean college women are THAT easy? Geez, I picked the wrong time to find a girlfriend

[warwick.hoy]

Every man has an angle. The sensitive and caring angle is usually the worst angle cause women can pick up on the fact that (admit or not) it's usually disingenuous.

Change your angle man. Sincerity,...Confidence,...Knowing what you want and knowing how to get it are more attractive then a sensitive and caring shoulder to cry on. Don't beat around the bush in letting a female know you'd like to beat around her bush. The worst she could do is say she's not interested,....no time wasted in moving on.

[Lee H]

Originally Posted by runmikeyrun

I guess most girls don't want a 35 year old guy who's in nursing school, have a 6 year old, and have a psychotic ex-wife. Like I can help any of that.



F---.

But there is something you can do...actually there is a lot you can do. You put yourself in the "friend zone" and only you can extricate yourself.

Calling your ex-wife psychotic is a HUGE HUGE mistake, and it reflects on you more than her. You married her. Does that mean that you liked her psychosis? Does it mean that you turned her psychotic? Does it mean that you are vindictive because you were hurt, and are now reverting to a JR high mentality of name calling ?
She is the mother of your child, and deserves the respect due for that accomplishment, if for nothing else.

Secondly, the motorcycle... You do not mention what kind, but if it is a crotch rocket, maybe you should switch to 4 wheels. Rainbow colored "Onsies" look like you are trying too hard at 35. Get a cruiser, and make sure you have a "b****" bar for a woman to lean back against. Don't make the mistaske of telling yourself how cool a stripped down bike looks, or how cool you look on it. IF a woman cannot share your passion for riding, she will not be interested in the bike... As a bike builder, I see this a lot

Third...not all women want the "bad boy" type guy. Your last sentence leads me to believe that you are interested in those who are. You use the words, "them" and "they" to describe women calling you after they have been hurt by guys. This indicates plural, meaning that has happened numerous times. If you are not the "bad boy" type, that is fine (If you were you would not be complaining about it on here). Look at the type of women you are finding yourself attracted to. If all the women you find attractive are interested to that type of guy, maybe you should have a look in the mirror and consider your own self image. Maybe contemplate why you think women like that should find you attractive. Be realistic with yourself. Either adjust your own self image, or consider looking to other types of women for relationships

[fenderhutz]

Women seem to like it when a man makes his intentions known close to the start (not when you first meet, that's STALKER material). If not you are carefully labeled and put back into the friend zone section of the library. Be a jerk? No. Tell her the truth. Yes. If she doesn't like it then you know exactly where you stand. Ruin a friendship? Maybe. But if you want to be more than just a friend why torture yourself.