Hey all... I was recently cleaning up my place and came across a short letter exchange that I had with an independent film maker of extreme skiing and snowboarding movies. It was pretty funny.
Some background... The film maker in question is named
Scott Gaffney. He's known for adding a whole lot of goofiness in his films in addition to the filming of guys jumping off of cliffs.
A couple years ago, he stated on a popular skiing internet forum that he had a huge surplus of DVDs of two films he made early in his career, so he was slashing the price and would be sell them directly to the consumer out of his basement. A friend of mine got 'em, and jokingly wrote to Mr. Gaffney that the movies were so great and Mr. Gaffney is such a great film maker that he's not worth the dirt in Mr. Gaffney's basement, let alone the movies. When the movies arrived, there was an envelope labeled "Basement dirt" on it, with dirt in it.
So, when I wrote a letter to him to order the movies, here's what I sent Mr. Gaffney:
Quote:
"Big" Uber T. Sheist
xxxx Xxxx Street
Sacramento, CA
9xxxx
January 8, 2007
Scott Gaffney
PO Box xxxxxx
Lake Tahoe, CA 9xxxxx
Mr. Gaffney:
Greetings from the land of fertile valleys and overtly hot weather. I hope all is well up in Tahoe whereupon you can look down at us and let us gaze up your nostrils that are surely drawing in cleaner air then I am as I type this right now.
I read on [the skiing forum] that DVD copies of both "1999" and "Walls of Freedom" can now be obtained through you for the reasonable price of $30. Since I find this price to be so reasonable, I would like to purchase copies of these fine cinematic classics.
With this hastily written letter, you will find a check in the amount of $30 dollars. Please do not send the videos to the address on the check, as that is my old address. My old roommate is surely confounded enough by the large amounts of drug paraphernalia and gay pornography that I send him regularly. He does not need any more confusing packages at his house. (However, if you desire to send him confusing packages on your dime, I’d be highly thankful of such efforts. In fact, I have an arm’s length list of idiots that fully deserve to be sent confusing packages. If you so desire, a document containing their addresses can be forwarded to you.)
In the mean time, please send the videos to the following address:
“Big” Uber Sheist
xxxx xxx Street
Sacramento, CA 9xxxx
Thank you for your time and efforts. I look forward to viewing your next movie (in addition to the two that I have just ordered), as I do every year.
Respectfully,
Uber T. Sheist
|
A few weeks later, I received my copies of the movies in a package addressed to "Tiny Unit" Uber T. Sheist along with the following letter:
Quote:
Scott Gaffney
PO Box xxxxx
Lake Tahoe, CA 9xxxx
January 12, 2007
"Tiny Unit" Uber Sheist
xxxx Xxxx Street
Sacramento, CA
9xxxx
Mr. Sheist,
Greetings from the land of bone chilling temperatures and teeth chipping boilerplate. I have responded to your request for the cinematic classics 1999 and Walls of Freedom which I’ve recently generously offered for the low, low price of $30. I appreciate your interest and support; please find the DVDs enclosed within.
I must assert that I have no interest in sending your former roommate packages that might prove confounding; thus I have heeded your warning to send these movies to your proper, newer address. Nor do I wish to send anything to your “arm’s length list of idiots,” as you disparingly called your friends.
I prefer not to conduct business or continue communication with one who treats their fellow man with such belittlement.
Enjoy the films and good luck on becoming a better individual.
Sincerely,
Scott Gaffney
|
It totally made my day!
