Girl question: How much time together is too much?

nickn · #1 03-19-2009, 02:02 AM

OK, so this will really show my inexperience, but... I just started dating this girl, and this is the first time I've ever dated a girl that didn't go to my school (I'm 18 and in high school, she's 20 and in college). I'm so used to being able to see the girls I'm dating around school -- I'd see them in class, between classes, during lunchtime, etc.

Because of our schedules (The only times we can possibly meet up are Sunday morning/afternoon, Tuesday evening, Thursday evening, and Saturday morning/afternoon), we have to plan out every single minute we're going to be together. It's a foreign concept to me to have to actually have to call her and asking if she'd like to get together -- Not that I have any aversion to doing so; it just feels so weird compared to the impromptu unplanned meetings around school I had with previous girls!

So here's my question: Maybe I'm just overthinking it, and maybe I'm just worrying too much, but is it possible that I'm spending too much time with her? For example, this is what happened just this week: On Sunday we went to the mall for lunch and to hang out, and Tuesday (yesterday) we went to dinner and to a movie she wanted to see. Two dates in three days. I want to spend some time with her again on Saturday but I don't know... I like her a lot, and she seems to like me *knocks on wood*, but I just feel like I'm spending a LOT of time with her. Since we went out and spent a lot of money the past two dates I want to do something really inexpensive on Saturday like "movie night" at her place or something (don't get any ideas, she lives with her grandparents

). But I'm afraid I'm gonna start getting on her nerves with so many dates, especially since we just recently started dating. Cause what I'm used to is seeing girls for 30-40 minutes daily M-F at school, and a few hours on the weekend for an actual date... but now it's more like hours and hours one day for a date, hours and hours two days later for a date, etc... It just seems really excessive compared to what I'm used to. I feel like I might get on her nerves eventually if we keep this up. What say you? Am I just stupid and out of my mind?

Bocete · #2 03-19-2009, 02:24 AM

I've been in with a girl that lives an hour drive away for soon-to-be 5 years. We had to plan everything all the time.

Do what you're comfortable with. If you want to see her every day, do so. If you don't, don't. Nobody is forcing you to date her, it should be because you both want to. If you're not sure if she wants to see you every day, ask her when will you two meet next. IMO, it's completely normal to ask anyone that. If she says tomorrow, good for you. If her answer is not definite, call her in a few days.

As for the length of the date - after a while (if all goes well) you might get used to seeing eachother at homes, or parks.. The length of the date might drop as well. In my case, it has dropped from 3-4 hours every day (!) to two every other day in about a year.

And, again, there is nothing wrong with seeing someone for 4 hours a day if you both feel great while doing so. It just might be something new.

Absentia · #3 03-19-2009, 03:29 AM

Wow I'm a bad person for advise on this, I've spent 24/7 with my wife/girlfriend for the past 7 years lol.
Thank god for basements.

Anywho if you both enjoy each others company go for it.
Dates don't have to be extravagant or anything like go for a walk or a hike or drive around and get lost somewhere.

**Vorago** · #4 03-19-2009, 04:18 AM

Why not tell her what you just told us? Ask her what she thinks of it.

Plus, if she's had enough of you for a while I'm sure she'll make this pretty clear to you.

nickn · #5 03-19-2009, 05:23 PM

I see, thanks for the advice. We already have plans to try out this new Japanese place next Tuesday but I want to see her before then, so I'm gonna call her and see if she wants to do anything on Saturday. Sound alright?

Ericman197 · #6 03-19-2009, 06:43 PM

Interesting that you're dating an older woman. Most college age girls would not be interested in dating a high school guy, so she must be weird, or perhaps you're just that charming

I don't know that anyone can tell you exactly how much time to spend with a girl. I'm a little older, and dating a girl roughly her age. Both of us are perhaps a little busier than you two, but we try to see each other twice a week, and both times involve sleeping over. So she'll come over M/T/W or R afternoon, we'll hang out all night, and she'll leave in the morning. We always see each other Friday afternoon, she (or I) will sleep over that night, and sometimes the next night as well.

If you like the girl and get along well enough, there's no reason not to spend all the time together that you can. The girl I'm dating previously was my best friend (yes, you can 'jump ladders'), so we get along so well we're never bored.

If you want more freedom, once a week will probably suffice. But girls her age are probably looking to see their boyfriends a little more often, or at least that's what most people I know of do. One of my other friends sees his girlfriend almost every day.

jonathan_matos5 · #7 03-19-2009, 06:54 PM

my problem is finding enough time for dating. unless i want to date a crazy theater major chick i'll have remain a loaner.
between the 6 classes i am taking and the part time job every minute of my week is scheduled. including sleep.

i managed a few dates with a girl but she broke up with me because i was too busy and difficult to stay in contact with.

i think i need to slow down.

nickn · #8 03-19-2009, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ericman197

Interesting that you're dating an older woman. Most college age girls would not be interested in dating a high school guy, so she must be weird, or perhaps you're just that charming

She moved here from China four months ago; she just graduated from Chinese high school last school year, so she's a freshman at the college. So despite being 2 years older than me she's only one year ahead of me. And yes, her words were something along the lines of "lots of white guys asked me for my number but you were the first one who earned it"

Quote:

Originally Posted by jonathan_matos5

my problem is finding enough time for dating. unless i want to date a crazy theater major chick i'll have remain a loaner.
between the 6 classes i am taking and the part time job every minute of my week is scheduled. including sleep.

i managed a few dates with a girl but she broke up with me because i was too busy and difficult to stay in contact with.

i think i need to slow down.

Amen. It's definitely hard, and it takes a LOT of prioritizing. I too have had a girl break up with me because I was too busy for her. But the plus side of working all the time is that when the two of you do have time to go out, you have $$$$, and girls like that

MakiSupaStar · #9 03-20-2009, 01:08 AM

China you say?

ok. Now I'm interested in this thread.

Bocete · #10 03-20-2009, 01:39 AM

Why don't you go to China? I hear there is a lot of Chinese chicks over there. Then again, no pics, no lots of Chinese chicks in China.

XtreO · #11 03-20-2009, 03:13 AM

Don't over-Ted now.

Jim Nazium · #12 03-20-2009, 04:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nickn

I'm 18 and in high school, she's 20 and in college...

Win. No matter what happens, this is a win. Remember that.

As to the time together, just be sure to communicate what you're thinking and feeling, and then just let it happen naturally. You may be really excited for a while and want to spend every waking minute together, later you may want to cool out and have some personal space for a while. Both are fine. Just be honest, enjoy it, and don't over-think it.