Girlfriend /bass/ issues

Indiana Mike · #1 01-08-2011, 09:39 AM

I want to run my situation past you and get your opinion. I am in an everlasting argument with my GF of two years. She lives with me in my house , I pretty much pay for all of the expenses and have no problems with doing so. I am debt free other than a mortgage and so is my GF , we each pay our own personnel bills/debts as they arise. We get along like best friends and have one longstanding issue that just keeps festering and is reaching the boiling point.

It is her 18 (almost 19) yo daughter.

The daughter will not go to school , as in high school and has reached the point of being unable to finish and has been told to pursue her GED. She is not pursuing her GED , any kind of work , or anything other than partying , sleeping all day , rinse and repeat. I see no signs of any drug or alcohol use or problems. I feel it's just a failure to launch issue.

Her mother transports around to her exploits , not all the time but say 75% of it, like an on call limo driver. The girl shows up at my house in the mornings , afternoon or whenever she needs a place to crash , shower , eat etc... I have no problem sharing and feel I am more than generous but am NOT going to bust my ass at work to support someone who is capable buy refuses to. The sh*t really hit the fan when I was asked , no told , to not practice / play my bass , music , tv , vacuum , or anything loud because said daughter was sleeping ... At noon on a Saturday , which is a day free of work for me.

I cannot and will not support an adult who has no disabilities , i will not tolerate her princess like behavior ,or live like this any longer.

Am I out of line???

Signed , ready to end the relationship.

corba · #2 01-08-2011, 09:46 AM

glad i wear the pantz in my household

she must be ultra hot for you to put up with her loser daughter at all!

dont get married!

NS2A · #3 01-08-2011, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Indiana Mike

I am in an everlasting argument with my GF of two years. She lives with me in my house , I pretty much pay for all of the expenses and have no problems with doing so.

Why do you pay for everything? Jeesh, no wonder. The daughter is just taking after the mother. You are a sucker.

Sorry man. But from what you posted, just my 2 cents.

bassteban · #4 01-08-2011, 09:46 AM

You are NOT out of line- far from it.

L-A · #5 01-08-2011, 09:49 AM

Your intentions are right on line. Your actual behavior isn't. At least that's what I'm reading.

basstotheface · #6 01-08-2011, 09:59 AM

So this daughter... hot and disease free?

Also, kick her lazy butt out of your house. You are far from out of line this girl is a brat.

Downunderwonder · #7 01-08-2011, 09:59 AM

The kid needs a wakeup call. She ain't gonna get it from her mother.

Getting told you can't play bass in your own apartment, which you pay the rent on, is so far out of line I suggest the thread title ought to be "Help me end my dominatrix habit".

elgecko · #8 01-08-2011, 10:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Indiana Mike

I cannot and will not support an adult who has no disabilities

I feel your pain but it sounds like you cannot and will not support TWO adults who have no disabilities.

SoonerMatt · #9 01-08-2011, 10:12 AM

You are far from out of line and have more patience than myself; I say give her das boot. It's your house and money so that also means it's your rules.

Ozzy4007 · #10 01-08-2011, 10:15 AM

Time to end it, do you really want to be growing old dealing with that deadbeat kid hanging around? I'll give it 1 more year before she gets herself pregnant and BAM now your going to have a new born and a deadbeat parent(s) hanging around your place. Hell with that.... Nip it in the bud and be done with it.

What a mess · #11 01-08-2011, 10:18 AM

Perm solution to a temp problem she will be shacked up somewhere else shortly if you need to establish boundries do so but also exersize patience and comunication skills.

MJ5150 · #12 01-08-2011, 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Indiana Mike

I am in an everlasting argument with my GF of two years.......

If it were me, time to say goodbye to the girlfriend. The emotional freedom you get in return will outweigh the sadness of losing your lover.

-Mike

Selta · #13 01-08-2011, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MJ5150

If it were me, time to say goodbye to the girlfriend. The emotional freedom you get in return will outweigh the sadness of losing your lover.

-Mike

This sums up my thoughts.

**jmattbassplaya** · #14 01-08-2011, 10:47 AM

Back in high school, my best buddy dated a girl who was a family just like yours. The dad was a very successful and hard working doctor who was able to provide a lot of nice things for his family (a wife, two daughters, a son, and a ton of animals). However, for how motivated and hard working the guy was, the rest of his family was equally a bunch of lame ducks. The eldest daughter flunked out of college and was still living at home at 25, the son barely made it out of high school, didn't bother to go to college, was later arrested for a robbery attempt, and was still living at home at 23, and the daughter (my friend's gf), was failing out of high school. The wife, on top of it all, didn't clean, cook, do any house work, or work part time. Instead, she hired two maids/nannies to take care of everything while she sat around drinking martinis and vodka tonics all day.

As much as I respected the guy for being hard working and becoming very successful in his field, he was a total pushover who allowed others to use him and take advantage of his success. I can't help but draw a comparison here. I'll tell you now that if neither of them are doing any work around the house to help with things, then it's time for you to sit the mother down and explain things to her. If she disagrees then it needs to be, "See ya later, don't let the door hit you on the way out." Don't let them be a burden to your life because some people will take advantage of others and their kindness.

C.Linton · #15 01-08-2011, 10:55 AM

Quit being a doormat. If your GF really cared for you, she wouldn't be abusing your generosity like that. They're both taking advantage of your kindness, best to suck it up and get rid of the GF and her selfish daughter and move on.

Topspin · #16 01-08-2011, 10:56 AM

Disregard females, acquire currency.

It's your place. Give her an ultimatum and back it up.

**jmattbassplaya** · #17 01-08-2011, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Topspin

Disregard females, acquire currency.

It's your place. Give her an ultimatum and back it up.

We need the picture for that

hover · #18 01-08-2011, 11:30 AM

There is an abuse cycle here that needs to end, like, yesterday.

You've made it entirely too easy for the both of them, and there's no mutual respect .

Respect yourself. You're on the right track, now let go of the caboose(s).

pie_man_25 · #19 01-08-2011, 11:44 AM

I'm more or less with everyone else on this one - however I think it would be important to consider if they help out around the house at all. I don't think it would be necessary for the GF and the daughter to have a job if they would do some housework, and not be such a load on your time and energy. I'm not trying to sound sexist with this at all, but if one wants to live in a community (ie. your family) and recieve some benefits from said community (ie. you pay the rent/mortgage etc...) they will have to logically contribute something to this collective effort as well (cooking food, cleaning up, walking the dogs etc...). Make it known to them, if you haven't already, that you dislike their being extravagant, and that you expect her daughter to at least get her GED, or get a job to pay for her expenses - instead of you paying insurance and gas for a car that will drive her she should pay for a taxi if she wants to go out etc... If your GF contributes to the well-being of the household as a whole, or at least if she has common sense, she will back you up on this. If not, I think it's a big enough fundamental issue to end a relationship like this one.

tl;dr - tell them that she needs to get a job or at least go back to school, and if she won't she'll get the boot. If your GF cares about you at all she WILL back you up; if not, "Disregard females, acquire currency".

hrodbert696 · #20 01-08-2011, 11:59 AM

There are always two sides to every story, but assuming that your side is a fair representation of the overall situation, I agree with your house - your rules. If the daughter wants to crash there it needs to be under your conditions, which I would say are fair to include getting to work on her GED or getting a job, and certainly that you can set reasonable hours for things like vacuuming and practice. It's not like you're waking her up with it at 5 am. Spell that out to the girlfriend politely but firmly, but I would say that then it's her call if she will back you up or wants out. What I mean is that you needn't break up with her over her daughter, but you may have to if she insists on inflicting the daughter on you without you having any say in the situation. All of that is IF your side of the story is fairly put.