Girlfriend issue...

[Joe Louvar]

Originally Posted by Macrocosmcwh

Just a "...what has worked for me" I assume I am not the only person to have had to deal with this....

Oh ok, I’ve never allowed myself to be put in a position like that - oh well, I hope you’re happy and I wish you the best.

[petrus61]

I think you will find that there are groupies you see following Lil Wayne and then there are the ones reserved for no name bands with no record deal or major label. Also, as a bassist, you waive the right to partake in any groupie activity. Basically you get the scraps and sloppy seconds the guitarist or singer doesn't want. There's real life and then there's fantasy. More likely you'll get some chubby little girl with too many lip rings and a bad tattoo on her butt before you land anything resembling the buxom beauties trying to get backstage at a Chili Peppers show.

[MysticMichael]

Originally Posted by Macrocosmcwh

I keep doing this.... Ugh.... I am sorry... I suppose this is because I am a newb.... Sorry!

I just wanted to get advice on how to deal with this from bass players. Working ones...

Understood. There are plenty of working bassists on TalkBass - who frequent all the forums.

It belongs in "Miscellaneous". Maybe even "Off Topic"...

MM

[Mike in Chicago]

Get her drunk, slip her some blotter and find some chick that will do her. She'll give in, find out that chicks are better at some stuff than we are, and voila!!! You got your live in threesome chick!

[tleebassist11]

I deal with this everday. Recently I was out on the road with Who's Bad Mj tribute band. There were thousands of women everywhere everynight. Backstage, being drunk, trying to chill with the band, etc...My girl hated it!!! But eventually she realized I was going to do what I was born to do. And trust me it was hard bc my girl is a high-maintenence fashion model diva... But anyways if your girl is actually serious/supportive she will
Come around. If not then you got yourself in a bad situation. But I cant really talk b/c half the reason I am no longer with the band is b/c of her stubborness and jealousy. However now Im on tour with the Jeff Sipe trio and there isnt as many groupies and I am playing music i truly love....So me and her are both competely content. Good luck. Dont know f you are religious but praying about it may help you like it helped me. -Peace

[Moe Monsarrat]

Now......Mike has the right idea!! Creative AND profitable. That's Rock & Roll!
Seriously, anyone who is that insecure will become a problem sooner or later and as time passes you'll start resenting her keeping you from being what you really are. Right now it's playing in a band...later it may turn into going to the supermarket or whatever. It does not bode well.

[guy n. cognito]

Originally Posted by Macrocosmcwh

I keep doing this.... Ugh.... I am sorry... I suppose this is because I am a newb.... Sorry!

I just wanted to get advice on how to deal with this from bass players. Working ones...

Don't worry, you'll learn to ignore MM.

I think you can stop beating yourself up over a few texts from a couple of years ago.....your girlfriend needs to stop beating you up about it, too.

Assuming that won't happen, and assuming you'll be doing mostly public gigs at local venues, just let her know that she will be welcome to come to any of these events and witness your behavior. If you keep everything above board, and she can witness it for a period of time, she'll probably unclench a bit.

I know you don't want to hear "put your foot down,"....but.....put your foot down. Let her know that you intend to do it and she doesn't get a veto, but you will do it in such a way that she can participate frequently. Make sure she meets your new bands mates early....and their wives and girlfriends. You have to take a stand, otherwise she'll always invoke the veto.

[petrus61]

Originally Posted by Moe Monsarrat

Now......Mike has the right idea!! Creative AND profitable. That's Rock & Roll!
Seriously, anyone who is that insecure will become a problem sooner or later and as time passes you'll start resenting her keeping you from being what you really are. Right now it's playing in a band...later it may turn into going to the supermarket or whatever. It does not bode well.

This

[nukes_da_bass]

I've explained several times to my wife slowly and carefully that harmless flirtation is a regular expected part of a nightclub entertainer's job. This is not mean I can behave inappropriately with the women at shows, maybe a quick hug handshake no kissing even on cheeks I sent very strict boundaries.

[glutah]

Ugh, I have dealt with this as well. I would recommend going to a therapist if you are serious and see a future with your girlfriend. My wife and I did this and some of the issues had nothing to do with me. Good luck!

[Mike in Chicago]

Or...you can always ask Powderfinger's cousin the karoake singer how he deals with all the female attention he gets.

[Kmonk]

It's going to be hard to change her mind. Some people are more insecure than others and even if there has never been a breach of trust, they always fear the worst. My wife wasn't thrilled about me being in a band especially when I have toured. She changed her mind after she came to one of our shows. She had a great time and was fine with me talking to other women. She laughed hysterically when a couple of them asked the band for autographs. One even propositioned me in front of my wife. I politely declined. My wife is fine with me playing and the fact that I have made some very good money doesn't hurt either.

If someone is going to cheat and the opportunity presents itself they will do it no matter what career or hobby they have. Some people just don't understand this. They think that just because someone is in a band they will automatically cheat. I can honestly say that in my 35 years of playing, I have never picked up anyone at a gig while I was in a relationship.

[AaronMB]

Originally Posted by nukes_da_bass

I've explained several times to my wife slowly and carefully that harmless flirtation is a regular expected part of a nightclub entertainer's job. This is not mean I can behave inappropriately with the women at shows, maybe a quick hug handshake no kissing even on cheeks I sent very strict boundaries.

There may be truth to this but this is something many a significant other won't want to hear despite the speed, tone or how many cherries are on top.

Just remind that ladies that we're only bass players and that they should be glad we're not playing lead guitar.

[Unrepresented]

Short term answer: Involve her. Invite her to shows, introduce her to the bandmates. Make her the merch girl.

Long term answer: Get the trust issues resolved.

[CalboDaGo]

lots of tender men here..reminds me of that "respect" thread.

[jaxstarke]

Originally Posted by JimiLL

Tell your GF I will let her know the instant myself or anyone I know gets laid because they are in a band

That's a fact jack. Hahaha......I think people have heard too many stories and watched too many movies or whatever to actually believe that just because you're in a band women throw themselves at you automatically. Every woman I've dated (I'm married now) had nothing even remotely to do with music. Me playing music wasn't even brought up in any form of meaningful conversation.

[Jim C]

To the OP:
It's all about the "C" word; communication.
Here's a few tips that might help.
* Every time you leave for rehearsal or a gig, tell her your love her and that there will be no elements of infidelity
* Come home sober
* Call/text at midnight if it's a late gig
* Don't hang around after the end; load up and get out of there
* Call/text when you leave
* Come home sober
* Professional counseling with someone you both trust is good advice whether the issue is being in a band or that you put too much ketchup on your cheeseburger
* Relationships rarely end over world politics or religion; it's usually sex, money, fear, or lack of communication that kills them (IMO/IME)

[smcd]

Originally Posted by Jim C

To the OP:
It's all about the "C" word; communication.
Here's a few tips that might help.
* Every time you leave for rehearsal or a gig, tell her your love her and that there will be no elements of infidelity
* Come home sober
* Call/text at midnight if it's a late gig
* Don't hang around after the end; load up and get out of there
* Call/text when you leave
* Come home sober
* Professional counseling with someone you both trust is good advice whether the issue is being in a band or that you put too much ketchup on your cheeseburger
* Relationships rarely end over world politics or religion; it's usually sex, money, fear, or lack of communication that kills them (IMO/IME)

Wow. Talk about turning playing in a band into the worst job in the world....

[Macrocosmcwh]

Originally Posted by Jim C

To the OP:
It's all about the "C" word; communication.
Here's a few tips that might help.
* Every time you leave for rehearsal or a gig, tell her your love her and that there will be no elements of infidelity
* Come home sober
* Call/text at midnight if it's a late gig
* Don't hang around after the end; load up and get out of there
* Call/text when you leave
* Come home sober
* Professional counseling with someone you both trust is good advice whether the issue is being in a band or that you put too much ketchup on your cheeseburger
* Relationships rarely end over world politics or religion; it's usually sex, money, fear, or lack of communication that kills them (IMO/IME)

Good advice.... Thanks.... (Though I must admit I feel bad about putting this post here)

[BrandonBass]

groupie? since when do bassists attract girls?