Girlfriend Rant...

[casualmadness]

That's all it is. Just a girlfriend rant...Please don't read this thinking that you will learn something valuable. I just want to vent.
So...we're watching the news last night and of course the talk is all about the election. I'm very interested in who our next POTUS will be and I have opinions about most of the candidates...as I'm sure most intelligent people do.
The convo went something like this...

Me: So, who do you think our next POTUS will be?
Her: I dunno...
Me: Well...who do you like?
Her: I dunno....*laughs*
Me: Well how do you feel about Clinton and Obama; since either of them would be a first for USA?
Her: (slightly irritated now) I dunno...I guess it wouldn't be a big deal really
Me: (Increasingly irritated) Well do you have any opinion about the election at all?
Her: Not really
Me: Do you know who you are going to vote for?
Her: No
Me: Are you even planning to vote?
Her: I dunno...yeah, I guess...probably.
Me: *sigh*

As the night went on, I stopped talking about the election because it occurred to me that she is indifferent about our political process.

This morning as I was leaving for work:
(she is staying at my place right now...she's in from out of town)

Me: Do you want me to leave my house key with you for today, since I'll be at work all day and you'll be here?
Her: I dunno
Me: Well, I certainly don't know if you need it or not. How about this...are you planning to go out today.
Her: Well, I thought about calling my friend Alex to have lunch.
Me: Ok, so you'll probably be back home before I get home from work at 5:00pm. So I'll leave my key with you.
Her: Well I might not call her for lunch. I don't know what I want to do.
Me: (very frustrated) If you meet her for lunch and need the key, come by my office and get it. I'm leaving now.
Her: Well, I might need the key
Me: So come to my office and get it.
Her: Have a good day (as I'm walking out)
Me: Grumbled...Meh...

I don't know...maybe I'm just looking for a reason to break up with her because as a divorced guy (paroled Feb. 2006) I am still a little gun shy when it comes to relationships (my ex wife really worked me over)
She is a nice enough girl but she is so docile and so timid and indecisive...it kinda stresses me out.
I mean don't get me wrong; I'm sure there are things that I do that bug her. But I'm thinking about pulling back some. My co-workers say that I'm just looking for reasons to end it because I'm still paranoid about getting worked over in divorce court. Maybe that's true.
Either way, I'm kinda frustrated right now. Anyway, end of rant. Thanks TB!

[RWP]

Alex?

[casualmadness]

Originally Posted by RWP

Alex?

Short for Alexandria

[i_got_a_mohawk]

I know that pain, my gf is wonderful, but the most indecisive person ever!

[*smb]

I hate having to work hard to get an opinion out of someone. I'd have got seriously pissed there.

[Oxblood]

Don't mean to hurt your feelings, but your girlfriend sounds like a real dingbat.

[spade2you]

Originally Posted by i_got_a_mohawk

I know that pain, my gf is wonderful, but the most indecisive person ever!

Mine more/less hates making decisions and tends to be afraid of the "unknowns" outside of her small comfort zone. If you're expecting women to make decisions you'd make, you might want to start dating a guy.

[i_got_a_mohawk]

Originally Posted by spade2you

Mine more/less hates making decisions and tends to be afraid of the "unknowns" outside of her small comfort zone. If you're expecting women to make decisions you'd make, you might want to start dating a guy.

You reckon its all women, ive never been with one as bad as this, even finding out from her what she wants to see if we go to the movies is a chore and a half!

[spade2you]

Originally Posted by i_got_a_mohawk

You reckon its all women, ive never been with one as bad as this, even finding out from her what she wants to see if we go to the movies is a chore and a half!

Ha, doing stuff in general is a chore!

Me: What do you want to do?
Her: I don't know.
Me: How 'bout ________?
Her: No, I don't really feel like doing that
Me: Ok how about __________?
Her: Didn't we do that about 2 weeks ago?
Me: Probably.
I could go on, but you get the point!

[casualmadness]

Originally Posted by i_got_a_mohawk

You reckon its all women, ive never been with one as bad as this, even finding out from her what she wants to see if we go to the movies is a chore and a half!

When it comes to movies, mine will ask what I want to see. I'll tell her what I want to see but then ask what she wants to see (in an attempt to compromise). So then she will counter with asking me if I know anything about the movie she wants to see....without actually telling me that she wants to see it. Example: A few nights ago we went out to the movies. It went like this...

Her: What do you want to see?
Me: Walk hard!! (very enthusiastically)
Her: Oh...(total dead air)
Me: Well, what would you like to see?
Her: Oh I'm fine with anything.
Me: Ok then, let's see Walk Hard
Her: Have you heard of Charlie Wilson's War?
Me: Yeah. Tom Hanks. I've seen the previews. It looks like a great movie and I really dig Tom Hanks too. I would be down to see that...would you rather see that?
Her: I don't care. Whatever you want is fine.
Me: Ok then, let's see Walk Hard ( I love dumb humor)
Her: Ok...(walking to booth to get tix) DO you think Charlie Wilson's War would be any good?
Me: (to guy in booth) Two for Charlie Wilson's War please...

The thing that makes me crazy is that she didn't just tell me what she wanted. I told her with no problem. But she had to turn it into a whole thing. Bah!!! Lousy women!!
I swear if it weren't for the sex part, I would go gay. Because then you're just hanging out with your buddies.

[i_got_a_mohawk]

Originally Posted by casualmadness

When it comes to movies, mine will ask what I want to see. I'll tell her what I want to see but then ask what she wants to see (in an attempt to compromise). So then she will counter with asking me if I know anything about the movie she wants to see....without actually telling me that she wants to see it. Example: A few nights ago we went out to the movies. It went like this...

Her: What do you want to see?
Me: Walk hard!! (very enthusiastically)
Her: Oh...(total dead air)
Me: Well, what would you like to see?
Her: Oh I'm fine with anything.
Me: Ok then, let's see Walk Hard
Her: Have you heard of Charlie Wilson's War?
Me: Yeah. Tom Hanks. I've seen the previews. It looks like a great movie and I really dig Tom Hanks too. I would be down to see that...would you rather see that?
Her: I don't care. Whatever you want is fine.
Me: Ok then, let's see Walk Hard ( I love dumb humor)
Her: Ok...(walking to booth to get tix) DO you think Charlie Wilson's War would be any good?
Me: (to guy in booth) Two for Charlie Wilson's War please...

The thing that makes me crazy is that she didn't just tell me what she wanted. I told her with no problem. But she had to turn it into a whole thing. Bah!!! Lousy women!!
I swear if it weren't for the sex part, I would go gay. Because then you're just hanging out with your buddies.

haha both you guys are spot on !

[mattofash]

My girls great, but she is a bit like that at times. Then when I decide what to do I get told im being to controlling...

[spade2you]

Originally Posted by mattofash

My girls great, but she is a bit like that at times. Then when I decide what to do I get told im being to controlling...

Yup. That's how it works. Get used to it.

[*smb]

Originally Posted by casualmadness

When it comes to movies, mine will ask what I want to see. I'll tell her what I want to see but then ask what she wants to see (in an attempt to compromise). So then she will counter with asking me if I know anything about the movie she wants to see....without actually telling me that she wants to see it. Example: A few nights ago we went out to the movies. It went like this...

Her: What do you want to see?
Me: Walk hard!! (very enthusiastically)
Her: Oh...(total dead air)
Me: Well, what would you like to see?
Her: Oh I'm fine with anything.
Me: Ok then, let's see Walk Hard
Her: Have you heard of Charlie Wilson's War?
Me: Yeah. Tom Hanks. I've seen the previews. It looks like a great movie and I really dig Tom Hanks too. I would be down to see that...would you rather see that?
Her: I don't care. Whatever you want is fine.
Me: Ok then, let's see Walk Hard ( I love dumb humor)
Her: Ok...(walking to booth to get tix) DO you think Charlie Wilson's War would be any good?
Me: (to guy in booth) Two for Charlie Wilson's War please...

The thing that makes me crazy is that she didn't just tell me what she wanted. I told her with no problem. But she had to turn it into a whole thing. Bah!!! Lousy women!!
I swear if it weren't for the sex part, I would go gay. Because then you're just hanging out with your buddies.

You're doing this totally wrong. If you're together years she will still keep doing this routine out of habit, and you will get really really fed up with it. It's easy to make her stop doing this - just end the conversation at "Oh, I'm fine with anything" and buy tickets for what you want. She'll soon figure out how to get her own way again by just telling you directly.

[i_got_a_mohawk]

Originally Posted by mattofash

My girls great, but she is a bit like that at times. Then when I decide what to do I get told im being to controlling...

Of course


"I dont know, you choose"
"Ok"

then later on . . .

"We always do what you want to do"

[Deacon_Blues]

I would probably just have left the key for her in case she would have needed it. If she's the indecisive type, a question doesn't work so don't ask one. Instead, take the charge by saying "Here, take the key in case you need it during the day". That way she doesn't need to make a decision. If she don't think she needs it, she can make the decision to give it back to you.

If you continue making decisions for her, she might notice they don't always turn up the way she would want to and perhaps she start having own opinions too....

[MJ5150]

You should stop giving her so many open ended decisions to make. Women like that do much better with questions that have a "yes" or "no" answer. Make it simple for her. If you get a "I don't know", then make the decision for her and roll on. Don't keep dragging the conversations out trying to make her give you an answer.

Ultimately, you need to let her go and take care of yourself. Your friends are right, you are paranoid. Get out of the serious relationship, and take sometime to clear up your emotional baggage. You really don't think those paranoid feelings are just going to disappear one day, do you?

-Mike

[Tegzsa]

Well, you could get an extra key cut, and tell her to pick up some movie tickets when she goes out.

[disenchant]

I don't think it's just women like this because I dated a guy who was the same way and it drove me NUTS! Your post actually gave me flashbacks.

He couldn't make a decision about anything to save his life. And he'd do the same thing your GF does:

Me: Where do you want to go eat?
Him: I don't care.
Me: OK, well let's go to the Chinese place.
Him: Wendys would be nice.
Me: OK, do you want Wendys?
Him: I don't care.
Me: OK, Chinese place it is.
Him: But I really want Wendys chili.
Me: (getting frustrated) OK, so are you saying you want Wendys?
Him: It would be nice.
Me: Well, why didn't you say so in the first place???????

Conversations like that happened about EVERYTHING and it drove me INSANE! And the constant waffling made it hard to have a conversation--so I can see how you would have trouble talking about the election.

My advice is if you have any doubts or are "looking for a reason to breakup" then you should just breakup with her already. If the relationship was right then you might still have some qualms about committing, but you wouldn't be irritated or annoyed with her.

The RIGHT person isn't going to screw you over.

[MakiSupaStar]

The answer lies in the second input.