Girls are confusing! Suggestions Welcome!

madbassplaya · #1 12-03-2008, 11:36 PM

So, I need to rant a bit about tonight so I can get some sleep. I'm not usually one to rant, but today got rough.

I have a great friendship with this girl that I go to college with. We hangout all the time. We go to dinner together, and I usually pick her up and pay for our meal, just to be gentlmanly. Anyway, I can definately see a future with this girl and I would like to be more than friends with her. So tonight, I told her that. I told her I valued our friendship and didn't want to make things akward, but I felt that we could be more than friends. She was very sweet about it, and I didn't expect an answer right away, so shes taking time to ponder it.

I talked to one of our mutual friends tonight (who is also a girl) and she told me that the other girl wasn't expecting it. She was a little shocked by it, but respected me for being honest.

I feel like a douche now. I just...I don't know. I put myself out there and I feel things maybe akward now. There have been other girls I was interested in, but always held back because I liked this girl so much.

Ok, i'm through.

Any suggestions?

Thanks!

Number27 · #2 12-03-2008, 11:41 PM

heh... been there done that.. flogged that dead horse... been there again... done that again... flogged that **** some more..

rather than waste time typing somethign that'll only half make sense at this time of night i'll direct you to this site: http://www.laddertheory.com/

give that site a good mulling over

oh.. and my condolences.

Ericman197 · #3 12-03-2008, 11:47 PM

The key is to be relaxed about it. If she bites, she bites. If she just wants to be friends, then fine, do that if you want and don't beat yourself up over it. If you get all worked up over the whole thing then she's going to say no. I'm actually in a bit of a similar situation right now. She recently got out of a relationship, so I'm going to wait another month or so before I spring it on her. And if she turns me down, then I'll have to live with it. I'm not going to act any differently in the friendship, nor am I acting differently now. As trite and lame advice as this may sound, you have to be yourself. Or someone else, if he gets chicks.

crimson_basser · #4 12-03-2008, 11:47 PM

Wait for her answer, and dont let the friendship get awkward either way.
Hopefully she wont be stupid about it, and you guys can continue being friends.

If she says yes, then WOO EEE, and all of this worry will have been for nothing

Or as Maki would say (and probably will at some point), "dont worry about her, its quantity not quality, go bang as many hot asian chicks as you can"

Just don't feel bad for being honest, if people cant handle honesty, that's their problem, not yours. Just be you and don't worry about it.

(but if you're some kind of rapist/murderer/serial killer/kidnapper, then maybe you should worry, and change.)

madbassplaya · #5 12-03-2008, 11:58 PM

thanks for the advice guys. i don't want to make things akward, but i'm worried i will.

and i'm not trying to get with her, just to sleep with her. there's way more to her than that. this is the chick i would ultimately like to spend the rest of my life with, not just a sexual thing.

anyway. thanks again for responding.

UnsungZeros · #6 12-04-2008, 12:09 AM

Don't prod her for an answer. If she wants to start something, let her say it. If she goes a while and never mentions it, just let it go.

Otherwise, just carry on. Let it roll of your back. If it's not a big deal to you, it won't be a big deal to her and you'll avoid the awkwardness. Most likely if she was attracted to you, she would have said so immediately. Pick your head up, make her laugh and just move on.

Linas · #7 12-04-2008, 12:13 AM

What exactly was the reaction of the girl you told? What did she say or do after you told her?

Lesfunk · #8 12-04-2008, 12:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Linas

What exactly was the reaction of the girl you told? What did she say or do after you told her?

DUDE! Your'e flunking out of school and you're worried about somebody else's love live? ***???

madbassplaya · #9 12-04-2008, 12:16 AM

We talked for a little bit about it. She said that she wasn't sure if she was "datable" yet. She just got out of a very serious engagement a couple of months ago, and just had another guy ask her out, and she broke it off because it wasn't working.

I don't think she's ready for another relationship, even if she is interested.

I guess I have bad timing.

machine gewehr · #10 12-04-2008, 12:16 AM

Been there,done that.She refused but I insisted we keep being friends.WRONG DECISION! I wasted 3 years of my life trying to be friend with some one whom I can not be.

I,too,believed she was the girl I'd marry and some other happy fluffy pink stuff.Walk away if she refuses.

madbassplaya · #11 12-04-2008, 12:17 AM

walk away completely?

warwick.hoy · #12 12-04-2008, 12:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by madbassplaya

We talked for a little bit about it. She said that she wasn't sure if she was "datable" yet. She just got out of a very serious engagement a couple of months ago, and just had another guy ask her out, and she broke it off because it wasn't working.

I don't think she's ready for another relationship, even if she is interested.

I guess I have bad timing.

*Hits Nail on Head*

I'm sure it's easy for me to say but I wouldn't beat yourself up over it though...fish in the sea and all that jazz.

machine gewehr · #13 12-04-2008, 12:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by madbassplaya

walk away completely?

I don't know what kind of a person you are so I can't really say walk away for sure.

I know myself,If I stay my feelings get bigger and bigger over time.If it happens to me again I'll just walk away.It couldn't hurt as much as staying and not being able to touch her.

Valerus · #14 12-04-2008, 12:47 AM

Eh, just stay good friends until she is ready to enter another relationship. Granted, this might take a while.

Number27 · #15 12-04-2008, 01:02 AM

I'm tellin ya dude, read the website i linked in the first response.

Quote:

Originally Posted by madbassplaya

We talked for a little bit about it. She said that she wasn't sure if she was "datable" yet. She just got out of a very serious engagement a couple of months ago, and just had another guy ask her out, and she broke it off because it wasn't working.

I don't think she's ready for another relationship, even if she is interested.

I guess I have bad timing.

timing nothing, if a girl is really into a guy she'll make it work. everything else is a convienient excuse.

remember: girls are bitches, so they'll feed you whatever excuse you're most likely to buy instead of just flatly turning you down. the fact that you're very good friends with this girl means that there's no way in hell she'll just come out and say anything meaningful to you.

again.. read the website and be enlightend

steve21 · #16 12-04-2008, 02:07 AM

Seriously, I'm beginning to agree 100% with it. Friendship = deaaaaath 98% of the time.

Selta · #17 12-04-2008, 05:17 AM

The problem with the ladder theory is that every guy is out there to tag as many girls as possible in their lives.
While that's mostly a very natural thing to believe in, that's not how things are.
I have the woman of my dreams, and everyone else are just friends. I'm not looking to score with them, and I'm certain they can say the same about me.

OP:
Just let it go. Forget you even asked at this point. If you value the friendship as you stated, and you get enough from it to keep it going, then do so. If it becomes weird down the line, oh well. You tried. Move on.

i_got_a_mohawk · #18 12-04-2008, 06:08 AM

At least you asked mate

I know looking back that there were so many missed opportunities because I didn't man-up and ask.

rayzak · #19 12-04-2008, 06:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by i_got_a_mohawk

At least you asked mate

I know looking back that there were so many missed opportunities because I didn't man-up and ask.

Exactly what I was gonna say

You don't know unless you ask.
Don't just walk away. However, don't put your entire life on hold waiting for her either. If someone else comes along, go for it. Try to continue being friends with her and maybe she'll come to her senses and see that you're a pretty stand up guy who wants more than 99% of the other college guys out there.
But most importantly, get a degree, and don't go into a deep depression over this. You've lived well enough without her for this long. At least she's being honest with you from the sounds of it. Give her some time, be her rock, and whatever you do...... WHATEVER YOU DO...... don't let this affect you're life as a bass player

Keep practicing.

Relic · #20 12-04-2008, 06:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by madbassplaya

So, I need to rant a bit about tonight so I can get some sleep. I'm not usually one to rant, but today got rough.

I have a great friendship with this girl that I go to college with. We hangout all the time. We go to dinner together, and I usually pick her up and pay for our meal, just to be gentlmanly. Anyway, I can definately see a future with this girl and I would like to be more than friends with her. So tonight, I told her that. I told her I valued our friendship and didn't want to make things akward, but I felt that we could be more than friends. She was very sweet about it, and I didn't expect an answer right away, so shes taking time to ponder it.

I talked to one of our mutual friends tonight (who is also a girl) and she told me that the other girl wasn't expecting it. She was a little shocked by it, but respected me for being honest.

I feel like a douche now. I just...I don't know. I put myself out there and I feel things maybe akward now. There have been other girls I was interested in, but always held back because I liked this girl so much.

Ok, i'm through.

Any suggestions?

Thanks!

So....it's awkward now but wasn't before when you liked her as more than a friend and said nothing?
Suggestion - stop worrying about it, stop fixating on her being "the one" or whatever and get out and lay some pipe.

The biggest secret is that, the less you worry and the more you get out and socialize with the opposite sex, the more likely you are to land the "one" you're looking for.

/thread