Good sports rivalry joke

[mid_life_crisis]

The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska.

He was cruising along the campground in the Popemobile when he heard a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. He found a helpless Packer fan wearing shorts, sandals, a 'Go Pack Go' hat and a “Cheeseheads rule” shirt.
The man was screaming and struggling frantically, thrashing all about, and trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear.

As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Bears fans came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum slug right into the bear's chest. The two other men pulled the semiconscious Packer fan from the bear's grasp. Then using baseball bats, the three Bear fans finished off the grizzly. Two of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pickup truck while the other carefully placed the injured Packer fan in the back seat.

As they began to leave, the Pope summoned all of the men over to him. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he proudly proclaimed. "I have heard there was bitter hatred between Packer fans and Bear fans, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."

As the Pope drove off, one Bears fan asked his buddies, "Who the heck was that guy?"

"Dude, that was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom."

"Well," the first Bear fan said, "he may have access to all wisdom, but he doesn't know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait still alive or do we need to go back to Wisconsin and get another one?"

[Jimbob Jones]

Heh.

[mid_life_crisis]

A fellow from Chicago has driven to the National Seashore out on Cape Cod. He's standing in the dunes looking wistfully in the general direction of Europe when he notices a piece of metal in the sand. He picks it up and it's a lamp. He starts cleaning it and a genie appears.
The Genie says, "Oh master of the lamp, in exchange for my freedom I will grant you one wish."
The guy doesn't hesitate. "I've always wanted to see Europe, but I'm afraid to fly and I'm not real fond of boats either. I want you to make it possible for me to drive to Europe."
The genie is dumbstruck. "Are you crazy? Do you realize the kind of resources I'd have to take from other places to do that? The chaos it would cause? You have to choose something else."
The guy thinks for a minute. "Okay, then I want my beloved Cubbies to win the World Series."
The genie thinks about that and says, "would you prefer a bridge or a tunnel?"

[Jim Nazium]

A guy (who was a big sports fan) dies and goes to heaven. Saint Peter is showing him around. They go to a big football stadium where a game is taking place.

"Who are all these folks in the stands?" asks the guy.

"They are sports fans like you," answers Saint Peter.

"Oh. Who is the defensive team in the shiny white uniforms?"

"They are the cherubim," says Peter.

"OK. And who is the offensive team, also in shiny white uniforms?"

"They are the seraphim," says Peter.

"Got it. And who is that one guy in the red and gold uniform?"

Peter rolls his eyes and says, "Oh, that's God. He thinks he's Joe Montana."

[billjr]

A USC(South Carolina) fan went into the men's room during the annual rivalry game with Clemson. As he was getting started, he noticed the Clemson fan zip up and begin to leave without washing his hands. Rather sarcastically, he stated, " At Carolina, they teach us to wash our hands after we've used the facilities." The Clemson fan responded, "Well, at Clemson, they teach us how not to piss on our hands."

[macaroni tony]

Originally Posted by billjr

A USC(South Carolina) fan went into the men's room during the annual rivalry game with Clemson. As he was getting started, he noticed the Clemson fan zip up and begin to leave without washing his hands. Rather sarcastically, he stated, " At Carolina, they teach us to wash our hands after we've used the facilities." The Clemson fan responded, "Well, at Clemson, they teach us how not to piss on our hands."

LOL!!!!!! That's pretty darn good. True story?

[mid_life_crisis]

I love this joke because the punchline works for religion and sports. Two for one.

There's a priest at Notre Dame University that is so old the students swear he was there when the school was founded. His memory isn't what it once was, so he has developed the habit of bringing a piece of chalk into the confessional and making marks on his sleeve to help him keep track of how much penance he should assign.
One afternoon during the week a kid from the football team comes in for confession.
"Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It's been three weeks since my last confession."
"Ah my son, what have you been up to that you feel the need to confess your soul to the lord?"
"Well Father, last week in the game, I wasn't very sportsmanlike. The center of the other team was giving me a hard time so I gave him my knee to the groin to slow him up a little."
"Well my son, you are right, that certainly was unsportsmanlike." The priest makes a couple of marks on his sleeve.
"On another play, I tackled somebody and under the pileup, I punched him in the ribs to make him cough up the ball, Father."
"Well my son, that was another unsportsmanlike thing to do." Now there's a couple more marks on the sleeve.
It goes on like this with a few small things, and then the kid is quiet for a while and the priest asks him, "my son, you know I've been doing this for a long time now and I can tell that you're holding something back. What is it you're ashamed to speak of?"
The kid says, "you're right Father. There was a party after the game and I picked up a cheerleader from the other team. She had a little too much to drink and was willing to do some things that she might not have if she wasn't drunk. Father, I didn't do right by the girl."
The priest explodes. "Sure and you should be ashamed to speak of this in His house!" The sleeve is covered with chalkmarks. He's about to give the penance, stations of the cross, a trip to Lourdes, he is not happy. At the last second he stops and asks, "by the way my son, who was it you were playing last week, anyway?"
The kid says, "Southern Methodist, Father, why do you ask?"
The priest wipes off his sleeve. "Ah, well. Boys will be boys."