Guys, I don't know where else to turn (girl related)

[John Deacon]

Ok, so I met this girl, and she seemed pretty cool, so we started talking. Turns out, she had a bad past, as in slutting herself in bars when she was 13 or 14 or so. She got into drugs, pot, coke, and she couldn't remember if she did heroin or not. She also drank, mind you, she is 16. She had a boyfriend, but she was telling me she loved me and all that. But, I decided it was just mistakes in her past, and she stopped doing all of those things.

So, we started dating, she got an STD test of course. Because I am not retarded. She seemed perfect and sweet. Things were going great, until I found out she was very oversexed, and when driving with her would tend to flash other drivers. We went out with my brother one time, and she kept making out with me. I realize I am partially to blame on that one though. We had been going out for about 3 months. But she started talking to my brother and our drummer at the time, and she would tell them both different things, even things like whether or not she really liked me. I went to her, and she denied it. Now, me and my brother have been through A LOT of bad things together, and I know that he would never lie to me. And my brother told me, that if I didn't break it off, he wouldn't talk to me anymore. So, even though I still liked her, I broke it off. We still talked and we met again a few weeks later, where she again made out with me.

I decided we would date again, but my brother, seeing something bad about to happen, once again said he wouldnt talk to me. So, I didn't and I stopped talking to her. She started hanging around a lot with her neighbor, who is in his early 20's I believe and in the Navy. She then started to like him, and they kissed. Her dad found out, and took him to court, to get him court-martialed.

She started doing pot, and coke again. And she started dating some guy who looked about 23. She is 16. Now, I keep seeing her at concerts I go to, and I can't stop thinking about her. I am getting depressed, and don't know where to turn, at all, since I can't talk to my brother without him getting angry.

I just, I really don't know what to do guys, I can't keep doing this. It's really starting to effect me. I am 17 btw, and no, I don't drink, do coke, pot, etc. None. I really needed to type all this out. It helps a bit, but I hope I can get some good advice from you guys. Thanks.

[gold_member_321]

Talk about a walking liability.

Ever heard of Guilty by Association?

I'd lose her, unless shes COMPLETELY clean and has some sort of solid proof.

[Jared Lash]

And?

I don't mean to be callous about this, but I assume you're around the same age, meaning that both of you have a couple years of high school left. I know at this stage in your life every relationship is the most important thing in the world but this isn't a marriage and the odds of it being a long term (more than a year) aren't even that good.

So if you like her, continue the relationship knowing that these things aren't "in her past". Or at least the reasons WHY she was doing these things aren't in the past. She's damaged goods, in some form or fashion, most likely from sexual abuse. That's a lot for you to take on, so you need to decide if you are willing to put up with some of the **** that is inevitably going to occur. Either decide that she's worth the eventual headaches or break it off now.

Your choice.

[John Deacon]

Originally Posted by TheBigO

And?

I don't mean to be callous about this, but I assume you're around the same age, meaning that both of you have a couple years of high school left. I know at this stage in your life every relationship is the most important thing in the world but this isn't a marriage and the odds of it being a long term (more than a year) aren't even that good.

So if you like her, continue the relationship knowing that these things aren't "in her past". Or at least the reasons WHY she was doing these things aren't in the past. She's damaged goods, in some form or fashion, most likely from sexual abuse. That's a lot for you to take on, so you need to decide if you are willing to put up with some of the **** that is inevitably going to occur. Either decide that she's worth the eventual headaches or break it off now.

Your choice.

Reread it guys, I accidently entered it too early.

[KeithBMI]

Uhhm.

I would let her go.

[Thunderscreech]

Yah. Dump that sorry waste of molecules. I had one like that, and it was a hard lesson to learn.

[John Deacon]

Originally Posted by Thunderscreech

Yah. Dump that sorry waste of molecules. I had one like that, and it was a hard lesson to learn.

And, we are both in Virginia! God, this place is crawling with 'em! A lot is because she was my first really serious girlfriend.

[Mark Wilson]

Are you retarded?
Get over your hormones.
Girls come and go, but you're stuck with your brother, man.

Think with your head, not your ****.

[John Deacon]

Originally Posted by TheBigO

And?

I don't mean to be callous about this, but I assume you're around the same age, meaning that both of you have a couple years of high school left. I know at this stage in your life every relationship is the most important thing in the world but this isn't a marriage and the odds of it being a long term (more than a year) aren't even that good.

So if you like her, continue the relationship knowing that these things aren't "in her past". Or at least the reasons WHY she was doing these things aren't in the past. She's damaged goods, in some form or fashion, most likely from sexual abuse. That's a lot for you to take on, so you need to decide if you are willing to put up with some of the **** that is inevitably going to occur. Either decide that she's worth the eventual headaches or break it off now.

Your choice.

She did have sexual abuse, which I know caused a lot of that crap.

[NJL]

Originally Posted by Mark Wilson

Are you retarded?
Get over your hormones.
Girls come and go, but you're stuck with your brother, man.

Think with your head, not your ****.

+1 this is what i'm fighting with right now, but this 110 percent true.

[John Deacon]

Originally Posted by Mark Wilson

Are you retarded?
Get over your hormones.
Girls come and go, but you're stuck with your brother, man.

Think with your head, not your ****.

Sadly, I know your right, I'm just running into a bit off trouble when I keep seeing her at concerts, first Cruefest, then Poison, and I might see her at Journey and Cheap Trick. And actually, sex really isn't a reason for this. To be honest, and I know not a lot of guys say this, but sex just isnt THAT important to me.

[Thunderscreech]

Originally Posted by John Deacon

Ok, so I met this girl, and she seemed pretty cool, so we started talking. Turns out, she had a bad past, as in slutting herself in bars when she was 13 or 14 or so. She got into drugs, pot, coke, and she couldn't remember if she did heroin or not. She also drank, mind you, she is 16. She had a boyfriend, but she was telling me she loved me and all that. But, I decided it was just mistakes in her past, and she stopped doing all of those things.

So, we started dating, she got an STD test of course. Because I am not retarded. She seemed perfect and sweet. Things were going great, until I found out she was very oversexed, and when driving with her would tend to flash other drivers. We went out with my brother one time, and she kept making out with me. I realize I am partially to blame on that one though. We had been going out for about 3 months. But she started talking to my brother and our drummer at the time, and she would tell them both different things, even things like whether or not she really liked me. I went to her, and she denied it. Now, me and my brother have been through A LOT of bad things together, and I know that he would never lie to me. And my brother told me, that if I didn't break it off, he wouldn't talk to me anymore. So, even though I still liked her, I broke it off. We still talked and we met again a few weeks later, where she again made out with me.

I decided we would date again, but my brother, seeing something bad about to happen, once again said he wouldnt talk to me. So, I didn't and I stopped talking to her. She started hanging around a lot with her neighbor, who is in his early 20's I believe and in the Navy. She then started to like him, and they kissed. Her dad found out, and took him to court, to get him court-martialed.

She started doing pot, and coke again. And she started dating some guy who looked about 23. She is 16. Now, I keep seeing her at concerts I go to, and I can't stop thinking about her. I am getting depressed, and don't know where to turn, at all, since I can't talk to my brother without him getting angry.

I just, I really don't know what to do guys, I can't keep doing this. It's really starting to effect me. I am 17 btw, and no, I don't drink, do coke, pot, etc. None. I really needed to type all this out. It helps a bit, but I hope I can get some good advice from you guys. Thanks.

You need to put this all away from yourself. It's sounds easy, but it's going to take physical effort. Cut your hair, wear different clothes, get a new bass or effect pedal. Do something so you can be like "See, that **** don't matter!"

Trust me. I had one like that. You're gonna waste your time worryign about it, and, at your age, that something you're gonna regret later. I lost my summer of my Senior year of high school. She's not worth your time, none of it.

[John Deacon]

Originally Posted by Thunderscreech

You need to put this all away from yourself. It's sounds easy, but it's going to take physical effort. Cut your hair, wear different clothes, get a new bass or effect pedal. Do something so you can be like "See, that **** don't matter!"

Trust me. I had one like that. You're gonna waste your time worryign about it, and, at your age, that something you're gonna regret later. I lost my summer of my Senior year of high school. She's not worth your time, none of it.

Actually, I thought that when I had my first show, it would kinda help. And it did. It showed me, that I have talent, that she will never have, and that I am going to get somewhere in life.

[Jared Lash]

Originally Posted by John Deacon

She did have sexual abuse, which I know caused a lot of that crap.

Not a lot. Pretty much ALL. There's a reason I said she'd likely been abused. It's an easy pattern to spot. Girls with sexual abuse in their past are overtly sexual from a young age and drawn to self destructive behavior, usually drugs.

Bottom line, it's sad, but it's not your problem and there's nothing YOU personally can do. She likely won't work through any of this until long after high school, if at all. And based on what you added to your original post, being around her is going to be all bad for you at this point. Move on.

[Jared Lash]

Originally Posted by John Deacon

Sadly, I know your right, I'm just running into a bit off trouble when I keep seeing her at concerts, first Cruefest, then Poison, and I might see her at Journey and Cheap Trick. And actually, sex really isn't a reason for this. To be honest, and I know not a lot of guys say this, but sex just isnt THAT important to me.

Dude. . .

You've got another problem to solve here. You have AWFUL taste in music.

[Thunderscreech]

Originally Posted by John Deacon

Actually, I thought that when I had my first show, it would kinda help. And it did. It showed me, that I have talent, that she will never have, and that I am going to get somewhere in life.

that's the attitude you need.

i know this is unrelated, but what part of VA are you from?

[John Deacon]

Originally Posted by Thunderscreech

that's the attitude you need.

i know this is unrelated, but what part of VA are you from?

Sure man, I am in Tidewater, you?

[mike_v_s]

Originally Posted by TheBigO

Dude. . .

You've got another problem to solve here. You have AWFUL taste in music.

This man is a prophet. I should add that the "_v_s" is already starting to give your posts more weight.

paul

[FingeringAm]

she's an attention whore - the first time you let here go she flew into another guys arms without thinking twice

[Stumbo]

You listed all the problems that she has, now list all the positive things she brings to the relationship.

Yup, just like I thought.

Run the other way as fast as you can. She has too many problems that you can't fix, no matter what you do.

btw, she was never really your girlfriend if she was macking all those guys while she was with you.