Help me stop my father from adopting a little girl.

[Benjamin Strange]

Hi kids. I don't post, or even lurk, here much anymore, but I'm in the need of a bunch of advice from random people on the internet.

Help me stop my father from adopting an 8 year old girl.

The story in a nutshell: my father is not a good person. He's alienated all four of his children, abused his wife, estranged his mother and sisters, and controls his current wife's life with an iron fist. The details are pretty sordid, but unfortunately he's the kind of guy that comes across as being decent until you get to know him better. For some reason, even though he was an enormous failure with his own children, he's trying to adopt a little girl. This girl has been taken from her biological parents by the state (REALLY bad people), and now my dad is pursuing custody.

My father claims he wants to adopt her for a myriad of honorable reasons, but those of us who know him best know the real truth: he wants to impress those around him with his altruistic behaviour. She's to be a trophy to show off, nothing more. Furthermore, he's almost 60 years old - this little girl is 8! He was a terrible father to the four of us, and I'm afraid this little girl is going to suffer the same fate that we did.

The social worker on the case interviewed me and my three siblings, all of which were adamant that he should not be allowed to adopt. However, we just found out that despite all the facts, he's passed the social study. Methinks the social worker was compromised, and she's made a very poor decision. Which brings me to the crux of the issue:

What can I do to stop this from happening?

Do I have any rights to interfere at this point? Should I pursue legal counsel? Do I have any recourse here?

I'm not doing this to spite my father - I'm doing it to prevent an innocent little girl from being abused. Any advice would be welcome.

[bassrique]

Perhaps he's learned something and would like to make amends so to speak?

EDIT:

he's passed the social study.

I imagine someone will be keeping an eye on this adoption?

[MJ5150]

I don't know how you could legally stop it unless you could prove some kind of criminal history.

Why don't you adopt the little girl before he does?

-Mike

[jp58]

Legal rights, probably not. You and your siblings may be able to convince the case worker if you remain vigilant, but other than that, I can't see how you can keep them from letting him get her unless you have some sort of concrete, credible proof he is unfit.

[basstotheface]

Originally Posted by MJ5150

Why don't you adopt the little girl before he does?

-Mike

Definitely. Beat him to the punch, it's the only smart thing to do.

[Hollow Man]

I have absolutely no actual information, but I doubt you have any 'rights' in the legal sense with regard to his adoption application.

I'd make repeated calls to the social worker, her supervisor, and the local/state adoption agency... basically, anyone who you can get on the phone or meet with in person is fair game. Encourage your sisters and mother to do the same. Perhaps your story will finally reach the right set of ears. Good luck, and don't give up.

[UnsungZeros]

Originally Posted by Hollow Man

I'd make repeated calls to the social worker, her supervisor, and the local/state adoption agency... basically, anyone who you can get on the phone or meet with in person is fair game. Encourage your sisters and mother to do the same. Perhaps your story will finally reach the right set of ears. Good luck, and don't give up.

This.

[warwick.hoy]

Go to the social worker's superiors.

[jp58]

Originally Posted by warwick.hoy

Go to the social worker's superiors.

And the superior's superiors, until you get the answer you seek.

[bassguppy]

Hollow Man said it well. You really don't have much recourse but I would contact the social worker involved and that SW's supervisor. Maybe a signed letter from you and your siblings to the social workers supervisor.

I really doubt the social worker will give you ANY info regarding their decision for confidentiality reasons BUT you can make known your disapproval.

Is your Dad & his wife foster parents to the girl now? If not, maybe you can make your concerns known to the current foster parent(s).

[john turner]

Originally Posted by Benjamin Strange

Hi kids. I don't post, or even lurk, here much anymore, but I'm in the need of a bunch of advice from random people on the internet.

Help me stop my father from adopting an 8 year old girl.

The story in a nutshell: my father is not a good person. He's alienated all four of his children, abused his wife, estranged his mother and sisters, and controls his current wife's life with an iron fist. The details are pretty sordid, but unfortunately he's the kind of guy that comes across as being decent until you get to know him better. For some reason, even though he was an enormous failure with his own children, he's trying to adopt a little girl. This girl has been taken from her biological parents by the state (REALLY bad people), and now my dad is pursuing custody.

My father claims he wants to adopt her for a myriad of honorable reasons, but those of us who know him best know the real truth: he wants to impress those around him with his altruistic behaviour. She's to be a trophy to show off, nothing more. Furthermore, he's almost 60 years old - this little girl is 8! He was a terrible father to the four of us, and I'm afraid this little girl is going to suffer the same fate that we did.

The social worker on the case interviewed me and my three siblings, all of which were adamant that he should not be allowed to adopt. However, we just found out that despite all the facts, he's passed the social study. Methinks the social worker was compromised, and she's made a very poor decision. Which brings me to the crux of the issue:

What can I do to stop this from happening?

Do I have any rights to interfere at this point? Should I pursue legal counsel? Do I have any recourse here?

I'm not doing this to spite my father - I'm doing it to prevent an innocent little girl from being abused. Any advice would be welcome.

dude. you have any idea what growing up without any parents is like? i don't mean "daddy was a jerk and was never there". i mean "i'm living in a dorm subsidised by the state because i have no family."

you really think that this would be worse?



the reality is, the chances for an 8 year old girl to get adopted are very slim - most folks want to adopt a newborn, or at least a very young child.

this little girl will get a home, and care, and even if it is "not perfect" it will be better than the insititutional care provided by the state. by about a million miles.

[xray]

Well, people do change and maybe your father has learned from his mistakes and would end up being a great parent to this young girl.

[CapnSev]

Well, you already did half of what you could, by speaking with the social worker. I'll bet that carries more weight than you think.

The only other thing to do would be to bring a case to the judge at the placement hearing. Put some faith in the system, it works better than you think most of the time.

[jp58]

Originally Posted by Benjamin Strange

The story in a nutshell: my father is not a good person. He's alienated all four of his children, abused his wife, estranged his mother and sisters, and controls his current wife's life with an iron fist.

Originally Posted by john turner

dude. you have any idea what growing up without any parents is like? i don't mean "daddy was a jerk and was never there". i mean "i'm living in a dorm subsidised by the state because i have no family."

you really think that this would be worse?



the reality is, the chances for an 8 year old girl to get adopted are very slim - most folks want to adopt a newborn, or at least a very young child.

this little girl will get a home, and care, and even if it is "not perfect" it will be better than the insititutional care provided by the state. by about a million miles.

Do you really feel like a foster home or state care would be worse than an abusive father? State care isn't great, but if everyone in the father's past feel he is unworthy of childcare, I think that there were more issues than just daddy was never home, or daddy didn't let me do whatever I wanted.

Abuse will probably be a little worse on the child's, most likely fragile, psyche.

[Munjibunga]

Originally Posted by john turner

dude. you have any idea what growing up without any parents is like? i don't mean "daddy was a jerk and was never there". i mean "i'm living in a dorm subsidised by the state because i have no family."

you really think that this would be worse?



the reality is, the chances for an 8 year old girl to get adopted are very slim - most folks want to adopt a newborn, or at least a very young child.

this little girl will get a home, and care, and even if it is "not perfect" it will be better than the insititutional care provided by the state. by about a million miles.

Disagree.

[Relic]

Originally Posted by Munjibunga

Disagree.

+ 1. A child that comes from an abusive home then goes into institutionalized or foster care is going to need a lot of care and attention herself.
I mean, think about it - her own parents were bad enough for her to be taken away from them, then she's placed with strangers... what time has she had to create close bonds with people, to learn proper behavior, and trust etc? She might need a lot of attention, love and patience at this point. Judging by what Ben wrote about his dad, that 'aint gonna happen... Now, if she's been in long term foster care with a family that is good for her and is teaching her and nurturing her, then taking her away from that to be placed with this guy is a travesty.

[bassybill]

Sorry to hear of your misgivings, but there's not enough info here about your dad or the little girl to be able to make a useful comment.

[DblG]

It's odd how you and your siblings were interviewed and essentially told them the same thing of his abusivness and he still passed the study. How can this be? What exactly do they look for? Does he know people or something?

By knowing about the adoption and what he's saying, I'm guessing you still talk to him...is he really that bad still? And even more important, what's his wife like? Can she be a loving mother for this little girl? I imagine they're looking at that too.

[MEKer]

Originally Posted by bassrique

Perhaps he's learned something and would like to make amends so to speak?

if what the poster says is true, you do not take the gamble with her life

[Benjamin Strange]

I understand that living under the state is probably not pretty, but I think it would be a million times better than the mental, emotional, and physical abuse that my father inflicted upon me and my siblings. I stopped speaking to my father for about 12 years, and even now we only speak once every 6 months or so. Also, his current wife has flat out said she doesn't want to adopt - I can't imagine her being a good mother if she doesn't even want to be in the first place.

I don't understand how he passed the social study, but my dad can come across as being charming at first. He's a volunteer policeman, is in good standing with the community, and is a regular church attendee. To all outward appearances, he's a good egg, but those of us who know better are not fooled.

I'm going to try to contact social services and see if I can talk to a superior.

If he does end up getting custody of this kid, I'm going to make it my personal mission to be a positive influence in this kid's life, even if it means visiting my father regularly. It's going to be hard, but I can't allow her to think that her new brothers and sisters don't want anything to do with her. Whatever problems I have with my father, it's not her fault. Hopefully I can be the positive role model that I know her new father and mother won't be.