HELP! My Roommate is Dating my (psycho)Ex

[Jazzin']

About two years ago, I was in a terrible relationship with a girl who perfectly fits the description of a psychopath (according to wikipedia's definition). My life was a living hell/nightmare, as I was being emotionally tortured by her, being cheated on, being manipulated, lied to, physically attacked, and I was in too weak a state to stop it so I let it happen to me. Many of my friends and family had warned me, but I was in denial and manipulated by her into being against them all. I lost all of my friends during that time.

Eventually, I broke it off when I was able to prove 100% that she was cheating on me and could not deny it.

I got my whole life turned 180 degrees back into the right direction. Got all my friends back. Turned Cs and Fs back into As in university. And even have a new girlfriend who is the complete opposite of my ex.

I got a well-paying student job, moved out of my parents' house to live closer to school/work with roommates. One roommate is a great friend I have since elementary school, the other is a person I found on the internet who was looking for roommates. The latter is quite a weird (antisocial) individual, but harmless.

Basically, my whole life went from s**t... to fun, honest, and with a bright future ahead of me.

Very recently, the weird roommate began seeing a girl. He brought her over a couple times, but I didn't have a chance to see or meet her because as soon as they entered the apartment they would both run directly into his room. My other roommate told me that he had heard them having intercourse one night. This was a first; he had never been in a relationship before. We thought he was too weird for any girl to ever consider him, not to mention have sex with him so early in a relationship.

I later found out through facebook that the mysterious girl he is dating is actually my ex-girlfriend. I had a mini pannick attack when I found out, because it means that she has been in my house and infiltrated my safety and privacy.

The next day, the other roommate and I both bought and installed locks for our room doors. But we don't know what else we can do. We cannot talk to him because he is always with her now.

Whenever they are home, I dont feel comfortable within 10 feet of her, and I even went as far as skipping showering and eating breakfast one morning because they were awake and in the basement where both the bathroom and kitchen are.

I don't really care that much if they are dating, as long as she is NEVER in MY home. At this point, I couldn't care less about warning him of the dangers of dating her because I am sure he will deny it anyway and I am mad at him for doing this in the first place.

I need your advice, fellow bassists!

P.S.: I live in Montreal, Canada, so those are the laws that apply if there is some legal way of dealing with this problem.
The weird roommate is also an American citizen who is living here on student visa permission, but has not been able to go to school yet this semester because he is still waiting for his renewed papers. Before he started dating her, he was on his was to finishing his degree this semester and then moving back to the US in May. I don't know if those are or will still be his plans.

[basstotheface]

Is she hot?

[Stumbo]

Who's name is the lease/rental agreement in?

If it's yours, I'd give a "60 notice to quit" or whatever it's called in Canada. In the U.S. a renter can be given a 60 day notice(laws vary state to state) to move out w/o giving a reason. You might want to speak with an attorney. Do your school have student legal services.

In the future, when you sublet a room, there should be a detailed, written agreement including what's allowed and what's not.

FYI, if anything like the ex happens again, be sure to get a restraining order so she'll have to stay away from you. It would have helped you now.

[Jazzin']

Originally Posted by basstotheface

Is she hot?

no

Originally Posted by Stumbo

Who's name is the lease/rental agreement in?
If it's yours, I'd give a "60 notice to quit" or whatever it's called in Canada. In the U.S. a renter can be given a 60 day notice(laws vary state to state) to move out w/o giving a reason.

FYI, if anything like the ex happens again, be sure to get a restraining order so she'll have to stay away from you. It would have helped you now.

We are both signed up on the lease which ends July 2011.

[NateS]

hmmm. intense. don't really have any advice, other than it sucks.

sit him down and tell him about the horns under her hair. do try, at least, ya know?

[champbassist]

Originally Posted by basstotheface

Is she hot?

Psychopathic =/= hot

[S.Harrison]

Leave it to those damned Americans to mess everything up!

Seriously, I would try to talk to him in a mature, non-panicked way and lay it all out-your experiences with her, what happened with the friends/family. From the description you gave of him it seems he is exactly what she was looking for. Someone she can pretend to "accept" in order to have her way with regards to controlling him. However, since she already gave it up to him it may be too late.

[basstotheface]

Originally Posted by champbassist

Psychopathic =/= hot

A lot of hot chicks are crazy. Either way stop ****blocking your friend.

[Stumbo]

Originally Posted by Jazzin'

no


We are both signed up on the lease which ends July 2011.

YOu mean you and your friend? Not the weird guy, right?

Does the lease say anything about subletting a room? If not, you may be in violation of the lease.

I'd check with a lawyer to get him out. The girl may be stalking you and took up with your weird roommate just to get back in your life.

If she starts living with him in his room, then you'll have to evict her too.

IMO, you need to act ASAP to protect yourself.

[MJ5150]

Quit being a baby and man up. You said you turned your life around 180 degrees, so keep it that way. If this women has the ability to send you into panic attacks without even seeing her, then you aren't quite as well off as you think you are without her.

-Mike

[Jazzin']

Originally Posted by Stumbo

YOu mean you and your friend? Not the weird guy, right?

Does the lease say anything about subletting a room? If not, you may be in violation of the lease.

I'd check with a lawyer to get him out. The girl may be stalking you and took up with your weird roommate just to get back in your life.

If she starts living with him in his room, then you'll have to evict her too.

IMO, you need to act ASAP to protect yourself.

All three of us are signed onto the lease.

It's my theory that she is stalking me and she is only having relations with my roommate in order to play some sick twisted game.

What are the odds that the person she dates happens to be my roommate? This is also his first girlfriend because no normal girl in a normal situation would ever date him, no offense to him. So the odds that this is a coincidence are extremely low.

[Stumbo]

Originally Posted by MJ5150

Quit being a baby and man up.

Doesn't solve any problem if the girl is stalking him.

Sounds like a bit of PTSD. "Manning up" has never been a real solution to that either.

[Jazzin']

Bottom line: I don't want my psycho ex in my home where I am supposed to feel safe and have privacy.

[MJ5150]

Originally Posted by Stumbo

Doesn't solve any problem if the girl is stalking him.

How is she stalking him? All we have to go on here is assumptions made by someone freaked out.

-Mike

[S.Harrison]

Restraining order? PFA? Hmmm, guess you'd have to wait for her to commit some act of aggression. Since you were on the lease first would you be able pull rank and ban her from the house, legally speaking?

[Stumbo]

Originally Posted by Jazzin'

All three of us are signed onto the lease.

It's my theory that she is stalking me and she is only having relations with my roommate in order to play some sick twisted game.

What are the odds that the person she dates happens to be my roommate? This is also his first girlfriend because no normal girl in a normal situation would ever date him, no offense to him. So the odds that this is a coincidence are extremely low.

I'd still check with a lawyer. Nothing good can come of this.

[Jazzin']

Originally Posted by MJ5150

How is she stalking him? All we have to go on here is assumptions made by someone freaked out.

-Mike

There is a 99.99% chance that she is stalking me and a 0.01% chance that this is all a coincidence. If it actually a coincidence, I still think it's wrong for her to be in my home.

[Stumbo]

Originally Posted by Jazzin'

Whenever they are home, I dont feel comfortable within 10 feet of her, and I even went as far as skipping showering and eating breakfast one morning because they were awake and in the basement where both the bathroom and kitchen are.

If she is stalking you, then changing your behavior and being panicked is exactly the reaction she is looking for.

For now, I suggest you do your best to ignore her and go about your business.

The one thing I would not do is be alone with her in the house. She may be looking for an excuse to accuse you of some serious misbehavior.

Maybe talking to the guy in a somewhat factual manner about what happened to you and let him know that you and your other roommate don't want her there when he's not around. That is, he should n't be handing out keys to the house to anyone for any reason.

[MJ5150]

Lawyers? Restraining orders? Legal options? What the heck? Unless the physical attacks were documented in police reports, you guys need to slow down with the legal advice.

You seem to have a really low opinion of your roommate, but don't allow that to add fuel to your fears. Take a breath, relax, and remember the improvements you have made in your life since the breakup.

-Mike

[warwick.hoy]

ARM YOURSELF WITH A TAZER (sp?) AND TAZE (sp?) THAT CRAZY BEEYOTCH.