How do you recognize out-of-towners?
 

How do you recognize out-of-towners where you live? Here in San Francisco we have so many cultures, beliefs, races and income levels we look like a patchwork quilt. The whole city is about as different as a turtleneck on a giraffe so what makes someone who’s not from around here stand out.
First off you’ll see them during the summer eating clam chowder from a bowl of bread at Fisherman’s Wharf. They are usually dressed in shorts, tank tops and goose bumps, enduring the cold so they can purchase another Ghiradelli chocolate bar in the likeness of the Golden Gate Bridge. You’ll see them in Chinatown struggling through Peking Duck with a pair of chopsticks, frowning as another piece of greasy duck slides out of their tenuous grip and onto their plaid shorts.
Their pastel polo shirts shine like a beacon in a sea of black to would be thieves, con men and hustlers as they wait in line for the cable car. They waive frantically at taxis trying to escape the homeless man with a bag of Cheetos who is ogling their wife. You’ll see them circling endlessly looking for a place to anchor the Le Grande Battlestar Galactica SUV, but to no avail. When the finally do touch down they are startled when someone parks so close it would take a can opener for them to launch.
Okay I am exaggerating just a teeny bit for fun, but there is some truth to what I say. Also we love tourists here and most people find us to be very friendly. Some Europeans don’t understand it when total strangers strike up a conversation with them while riding on the streetcar.
So, what would give me away in your town?

Down here we recognize out-of-towners because they all want us to believe that theyre from San Francisco.

That, and the license plates.

Here you can tell if someone is from out of town by what they bring to the beach.

In Fort Collins, they're visible because they order any beer that has a macrobrew name or the word "Lite" on its label.

With New Belgium, ODell's, Fort Collins Brewery and six (+) other craft breweries in town, drinking anything other than craft brew is a sure sign that "y'all ain't from around here, bwah."

An exception is made for college students who are cheap and desperate enough to swill endless cans of cheap lite beer so they can soak up a half-dozen cans before getting staggering drunk. Another exception is for hard-hat guys who object to paying another 25 cents to get beer with real taste instead of macrobrew.

With the recent law changes, I imagine Fort Collins to be a few whores shy of a US version of Amsterdam.

With San Francisco the out of towners call it "Frisco".

Naaaah, it's a great place to live with a fantastic oldtown. The MJ stuff won't kick in until late this year, and for that matter we're probably only a couple of years ahead of the rest of the US. My prediction is that MJ will be legalized nationally within the decade.

C'mon up and have a couple of pints with us!

Yeah, I tend to agree. It's pretty much legal here and cats aren't sleeping with dogs yet. With that said, I'm still going to imagine Fort Collins as a forward thinking mecca. I might have something to do with the microbrews that come out of there. :D

An umbrella? a rubber duck? black dress shoes, black socks and a bathing suit?

Yup, locals just call it "the city"

I kept it vague because it depends where they're from. If they're from more than half hours drive, they tend to bring everything but the kitchen sink loaded into the back of either an old mini-van or a lifted truck with lots of unnecessary chrome accessories. If they're from europe, they're pale, and have really odd toys to play with in the water. If they're visiting from town, they all have either Marriott or Hyatt towels. Locals tend to bring stuff that can be easily carried on a bike or within one trip from the car.

There’s around 1000 people in my town. If I’m not related to them, I’ll assume they're from out of town. They also tend to have that “*** am I doing here?” look on their face.

In my neighborhood, they're usually the ones wearing Mickey Mouse ears.

They usually have all their teeth and are wearing some kind of Bob Dylan fan shirt.

Black attire. Urban titanium rectangular glasses. Saabs. If they do dress for the weather they are in poofy shiny silver down jackets.

I've only visited Ft. Collins once and it was specifically for the beer so maybe we blended in better than we thought. I might've looked a bit out of place drinking Pumpkin Ale from my growler on the way home but then again, I'm not sure that's all that rare in Ft. Collins either.

And they have no idea where Da Range is.

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tourist

A half dozen cans to get a college student drunk? Gee, they don't make them like they used to. I remember going through a 12 pack without coming up for air and then tearing into the second 12 pack.

At age 54, I drink MUCH less and enjoy it MUCH more. And Ft. Collins is certainly a mecca for craft beer lovers. New Belgium 1554 is one of my favorites.


Here on the Gulf coast we can tell folks who aren't from around here because they melt in the summer.

If you're at Graceland you're very likely a tourist. I've only met a handful of native Memphians who have actually gone there. Most seem to have no interest in it.