How to get a girlfriend

[Araillac]

I've seen some threads asking for girl advice and so I figured I'd help you out. If we were to break this down into percentage of what asking a girl out would take, this is how it would look:

Confidence:70%
Hygiene:5%
Personality:15%
Looks:10%

At first glance, you may think, wow hygiene only 5%? Girls don't care about cleanliness and how you look that much? No, they do, a lot. But confidence is so important, it makes the others look shabby. Which brings us to the first part, confidence.

Get some confidence. No joke, you need this. Any little thing to boost you confidence, do it. Confidence will bring out your looks, your personality, and chances are, make you want to keep up with your hygiene. It all starts with confidence. You feel like you can ask a girl out. Confidence has begun. Even if you don't, if you're reading this for help, you're confident, whether you know it or not, that some advice will get you on your feet. We all have some confidence, no matter how little. What you need to do is get more. Approaching a girl, talking to her, being with the girl, how you look all depends on your confidence.

So how do you get more? Start with your looks. Maybe you got a few pounds you don't want, maybe your beard is a bit bushy, your hair a bit long and shaggy. Clean it up, you'll look better. You can have hair and a beard but keep it trimmed. It's part of hygiene but it's also part of your look. If you look like you don't care, you don't look like you have confidence. You thought confident people didn't care what other people think? Correct, but they only don't care because they're confident in themselves. If you yourself are truly confident, then you look confident. It's never to late to try different styles and fashion. If it's beard or hair, change it, it will grow back if you don't like it. Try on outfits or go shopping. You can try things on before you buy it. Whatever you have to do, change your look to be more appealing and if you look good, acknowledge it. Check yourself out. You don't have to be kissing the mirror over how good you look but you should at least be to the point where you say, you know, I look good.

So after this step, you have a decent amount of confidence. From here on out, hygiene must be kept up with. It's part of your look and it will keep your confidence up. Also, most girls don't want a dirty guy. It's a fantasy for guys to be able to be dirty and have girls turned on by it. Unfortunately, it's a fantasy because it's rare to find this girl. Give up on it, chances are, it won't happen. Girls like cleanliness and knowing that you're meeting her expectations should mean more confidence for you because she's that much more into you.

You look good, you're clean, you have more confidence. How about your personality? This is something you don't change. You just bring it out. This is who you are. We push our personality back and become awkward when don't have confidence. Bring your personality forward, be you. It doesn't matter what people think because this is who you are and you should be confident about it. Girls will really like you if you act like you and believe me, people can tell when you're being real or faking it.

That covers the 4 main parts. You should be confident in approaching a girl. This does not mean you should be able to go to a bar or a grocery store and pick up women with no problem. You're probably still nervous about talking to girls. Just remember these 3 words. Even Nike says it.

Just Do It.

Just go over and talk to her. I don't care where you are, how good looking or not good looking the girl is. I don't even care if it's a guy, you need to be use to talking to people. If you're in blockbuster checking out a movie and someone is there, just strike up a conversation about the movie. Just let the conversation flow naturally. There's no "Secret" way to dance about a conversation and make people like you. Just be yourself about it. A girl picks up Sherlock Holmes, you say, oh that's a good movie, have you seen it? No not yet. You should check it out, it's really good. It's a natural conversation, you're confident in your opinion about that movie, you just talked to a girl. This is the approach. If you have to practice approaching girls like 10 times before you're truly comfortable, then by all means, go and do it 10 times.

So at this point, you can talk to girls without sweat pouring down and you feel like you have to go to the bathroom. Excellent. You may still get that adrenaline rush or the higher heart rate but just ignore it. You can talk to girls. That's all that matters. You've probably had conversations with them too, which is important. Can you hold a conversation? Sometimes, girls just aren't going to be into you. Conversations will be cut short. It happens. Some girls, you can get to know more, but you have to establish some kind of common ground and perk up her interest in you.

The hardest part will be asking her on a date or for her phone number. Which should you ask for? That depends on how you feel about the situation. Don't stand there staring at her awkwardly as you decide phone number or date. You've got to decide fast and just throw the question out there. Generally you can do this middle of the conversation or end of the conversation. I try for in between middle and end. "What a great conversation, we should go on a date so we can talk more." "You're an awesome person and I'd really like to get to know you more. We should go on a date sometime (We should talk sometime. Can I get your phone number?)" If yes, fantastic, conclude the conversation or keep talking, whatever works. If no, you'll just have to see how it pans out. Everyone has a different exit based on their personality. Just remember, rejections are bound to happen. Everyone gets rejected at some point. Don't be afraid of no. Don't let no hold you back from talking to her. There's nothing wrong with no because in this situation, you can't lose what you didn't have. That's the greatest part of asking a girl on a date, for a phone number, etc. You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Moving on, you've talked on the phone, you got to know her, you ask her on a date, or you got a date when you first met her. While on the phone or a date, don't stray from yourself. Keep being yourself. You are the one that asked her on a date or for her phone number, she accepted because she's interested in you. At this point, you don't have to worry whether she likes you or not. If the date goes well, (and you should probably wait until the date) just ask her, would you like to go steady, would you like to be my girlfriend, could I be your boyfriend, are we in a relationship now, whatever you feel comfortable with, just ask something that will officiate you as a couple. She might say, I like you a lot, but I'd like to get to know you a little more first. No problem, just say that sounds good, and take her on a date another time and after that, pop the question again. If she says yes, congratulations, you've got a girlfriend.

Hope this helps, get out there, be yourself, be confident, be a man.

[BurningSkies]

Epic.

[stratovani]

Damn! Wish I had known all this back in 1972!

[username n/a]

I love you.

[jonathan_matos5]

my only problem is my gf lives about 45 minutes away on the highway without traffic. how do i get gas money to visit her this summer.

i guess i will have to figure this one out on my own.

[bass12]

Some nice advice but I wouldn't ask about "going steady" after only one date.

[jmattbassplaya]

I can sum this up into a few words that`ll work much better than this (or possibly land you in jail). Just go up to a girl you find attractive and simply ask, "When you gonna let me tap that?" (KeithBMI).

[cap'n crunk]

Originally Posted by Araillac

If the date goes well, (and you should probably wait until the date) just ask her, would you like to go steady, would you like to be my girlfriend, could I be your boyfriend, are we in a relationship now, whatever you feel comfortable with, just ask something that will officiate you as a couple. She might say, I like you a lot, but I'd like to get to know you a little more first. No problem, just say that sounds good, and take her on a date another time and after that, pop the question again.

So you're going to ask a girl you more or less just met and have been on one date with to "go steady" (the 1950s called, they want their slang for being in a relationship back) or "are we in a relationship now?" Uh, no. Don't do this under any circumstances. Your obvious desperation will override any impression your confidence has made to this point.

Just take it easy, killer! Enjoy the date. If it's cool -- if you don't have to struggle for conversation, if you're feeling it AND SHE SEEMS TO BE FEELING IT (very important; you'll likely know if she isn't), if you have a good time in each other's company -- then at the end of the date, ask her if she'd like to go out again. If she says yes, don't whip out your Blackberry to schedule the date; play it cool. Say something like, "OK, cool, I'll give you a call." Then call her within a day or two and set something up.

Keep this up until you're seeing/hanging out with each other relatively regularly (once, twice a week, if not more). THEN proceed to try to establish some sort of definition of the relationship ... if, that is, such definition even seems necessary. You may find that you're both in a space where you don't need some kind of verbal contract to be boyfriend/girlfriend; it may just evolve of its own accord.

While I agree with much of what the OP has to say -- confidence is definitely key, although I think the importance of personal hygiene is perhaps undervalued -- here's something to think about. Women, or at least mature, adult women, don't tend to enjoy being pressured. Repeatedly asking "Are we in a relationship?" or "Are you my girlfriend?" too early in the relationship is a sign that you AREN'T confident, that you think your appeal may be temporary and that you're trying to lock her down. Women can smell any kind of desperation from men like a shark smells blood in the water. Interest is a good thing, but desperation will lead her to lose your number fast. Just go with the flow, don't be too aggressive too early (ESPECIALLY sexually, and I can't overstate that), and go about the whole thing with the goal in mind not necessarily that you're trying to be in a relationship, but rather that you're trying to get to know this person and see if you're compatible enough for a relationship. You'll be surprised to find that the rest will take care of itself.

[Wyrm74]

Simply decide that you do not want a girlfriend and swear off girls for the forseeable future.

You'll have a girlfriend momentarily!

[bassteban]

Originally Posted by Wyrm74

Simply decide that you do not want a girlfriend and swear off girls for the forseeable future.

You'll have a girlfriend momentarily!

This worked several times for me. Last time ended in a marriage & three kids. Be careful- BE VERY CAREFUL...

[KeithBMI]

Originally Posted by jmattbassplaya

I can sum this up into a few words that`ll work much better than this (or possibly land you in jail). Just go up to a girl you find attractive and simply ask, "When you gonna let me tap that?"

Yes, I created an advice thread a couple of months ago. It works wonders.

"When you gonna let me tap that?"

[basstotheface]

I stopped when i read the percentages that are WAY off. laddertheory.com

[iamlowsound]

People need to be told how to do all this?

lowsound

[Thunderscreech]

I didn't do any of those things when I was courting my girlfriend.

[jmattbassplaya]

Originally Posted by KeithBMI

Yes, I created an advice thread a couple of months ago. It works wonders.

"When you gonna let me tap that?"

I forgot whether you or Maki was the one who started it, so credit is due... I`ll fix my post right away

[hover]

What we have here is a cataloged list of what not to do by someone with no clue how to do it.

[Jim Nazium]

... or if all that is too much work, just walk up and say "Yo baby, I'm a bass player. Wanna check out my pocket?" Works every time.

[ugly_bassplayer]

Originally Posted by Jim Nazium

... or if all that is too much work, just walk up and say "Yo baby, I'm a bass player. Wanna check out my pocket?" Works every time.

Right the bassplayer always gets the chicks.

[mike_v_s]

Didn't Yngwie4string do this a while back?

Mike

[jonathan_matos5]

Originally Posted by ugly_bassplayer

Right the bassplayer always gets the chicks.

i impressed my girl playing bass. she likes my hands