How to make a girl feel better?

Discharge · #1 02-28-2010, 03:41 PM

Based upon the sucess of my Winter thread: Winter

Here comes round two!

This one is a little more serious so please bear with me...

A girl I know went to a house party on friday and some older guy she knew from collage tried to get freaky with her, she refused but he didn't listen and kept making advances until she had to basically fight him off... bear in mind she is only 17 just about to turn 18.

To make matters worse I was asleep and didn't hear her call/txt me to pick her up so she had to spend the night in the house with all the other people + that guy... because she ran out of the house or something and while she was out some sicko stole the money from her bag that she had left there... maybe even that guy.

She did get in contact with her ex boyfriend (one of my close friends), he went ballistic and said she should call the cops (he can't drive yet) but she didn't want to so he ended up getting angry with her and putting the phone down which upset her further.

I called her in the morning just before I was about to leave for work (first time I checked my phone) and got the news of what had happened, I tried to get some holiday from work or a shift swap but they were less than sympathetic (as i'm moving to a different job on March 8th) and I couldn't exactly say what had happened because my manager knows the family. So I offered to pay her train fare when she got into town and she finally made it back home about 2pm the next day.

Met up with her yesterday at her mothers friends party and I could tell she hadn't slept and was jittery, did my best to make silly conversation and get her spirits up talking about random crap... but of course it was pretty obvious that I was skating around the point and eventually she did tell me all about it.

That night there were a few other kids at the party and two of them ended up back at her house, she told them all about how her ex bf (who she still really likes as she was the one dumped) hadn't been very supportive and a bunch of other stuff... while she went to the loo one of them grabbed her phone and left an abusive voice mail on the ex-bfs phone which of course he has reacted to... upsetting her further!

Needless to say... she's a bit of a mess at the moment and her self-worth levels are dangerously low, keeps referring to herself as a tramp and stuff... which hurts me a bit as she's such a nice girl!

I don't really know what to do as i've been told by an older friend just to listen and not hug her/kick the hell out of this guy or anything because she might have issues with guys at the moment which will make her feel worse, which i've done. Is there anything else you lot can suggest?

I was thinking about asking her to come with me to the movies and some friends on wednesday to see "the crazies"... but one of the girls has dropped out and her best friend probably wont come so that would leave this girl and like four big ass guys which im thinking might not be the best idea??

Urghhh brain hurtage...

superfunk47 · #2 02-28-2010, 04:19 PM

Sorry, I couldn't help but laugh when I read your username next to the thread title.

In all seriousness, just be there for her. How close are you guys as friends? Maybe go do something casual with just her, something where you two can actually talk. Take a walk somewhere. Don't force anything on her, but be available.

TallLankyBastyd · #3 02-28-2010, 04:27 PM

Quote:

Sorry, I couldn't help but laugh when I read your username next to the thread title.

Yeah... that's about all the further I made it through this thread.

L-A · #4 02-28-2010, 04:36 PM

If she's a good friend, I'd do this:

Some night this week, you both take your time, a cup of hot chocolate, and you listen while she talks about it. She might need to get it all out, which will happen during a long monologue you can encourage.

She can also talk herself into a spiral of self-angering, which you can't do anything about. Such a thing usually mean you will be blamed for making things worse. It's irrational, and you can't do anything about it except run away.

So if you're prepared, you'll have a friend call you about 1h into your conversation, to whom you will have the choice to answer "All right, but I'll call you later." and let the good monologue continue, or say "Oh crap, okay", hang up and tell her it's an emergency. That'll allow you to escape the histrionic spiral if the need be.

superfunk47 · #5 02-28-2010, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TallLankyBastyd

Yeah... that's about all the further I made it through this thread.

The jokes make themselves.

I'll stop ruining your thread, sorry.

Jazz Ad · #6 02-28-2010, 04:48 PM

Girls don't expect you to find solutions. They just want you to listen to them carefully. It's usually enough to cheer them up.
So do just that, listen to her and let her manage her stuff the way she wants.

groooooove · #7 02-28-2010, 05:07 PM

buy her a puppy, diamond jewlry, and flowers.

Simo98 · #8 02-28-2010, 05:26 PM

I'd put the guys head through a window, but you could say im less than rational about these things.

Go with the talk to her about it, tell her its your fault because you didn't pick up the phone ect. People like to have someone to blame.

Deluge Of Sound · #9 02-28-2010, 06:29 PM

In seriousness, I think L-A's pretty much nailed it.

HEIST · #10 02-28-2010, 06:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by groooooove

buy her a puppy, diamond jewlry, and flowers.

Hi and what's your name?

Hahaha. In all seriousness though, yes I agree with most of you. Just provide a comfortable setting (without loud noise and chance for interuptions) and listen to her and that'll be enough to cheer her up. Good luck

kingpin2512 · #11 02-28-2010, 07:13 PM

I agree with whats been said in this thread. Just be available.
Also like Simo said this guy would have a lot of problems with me. Does he want to play a game?

ugly_bassplayer · #12 02-28-2010, 07:14 PM

I second the hole in-a-box thing.

Smurf-o-Deth · #13 02-28-2010, 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jazz Ad

Girls don't expect you to find solutions. They just want you to listen to them carefully. It's usually enough to cheer them up.
So do just that, listen to her and let her manage her stuff the way she wants.

God, that's the truth.

blendermassacre · #14 02-28-2010, 07:47 PM

Buy her some pepper spray, or teach her how to use a gun.

superfunk47 · #15 02-28-2010, 11:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blendermassacre

Buy her some pepper spray, or teach her how to use a gun.

Or Krav Maga.

doctorjazz · #16 03-01-2010, 12:04 AM

PIIHB.

RedCoatMonster · #17 03-01-2010, 02:00 AM

Therapy would be my first suggestion. Preferably with someone who specializes in sexual abuse. But suggesting this can be tricky, people generally don't like it when you suggest they need professional help, so tread lightly and make sure that she is aware that you are not passing judgment on her for what happened TO her.

hrodbert696 · #18 03-01-2010, 08:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jazz Ad

Girls don't expect you to find solutions. They just want you to listen to them carefully. It's usually enough to cheer them up.
So do just that, listen to her and let her manage her stuff the way she wants.

+1 to this. From the sound of it, she mostly needs to feel safe and feel like someone pays attention to her, cares, and doesn't think she's a tramp or whatever. No, there wouldn't be any harm in her talking to a counselor either, sounds like she wasn't outright raped but was assaulted or harassed and she can probably use the help to sort through all the feelings that's going to raise.

MakiSupaStar · #19 03-01-2010, 09:52 AM

First, and this is going to be harsh, why are you friends with this girl? Guys and girls are not friends except under contrived circumstances. Either she's attracted to you and you don't like her, or you're attracted to her and she doesn't like you, or you guys are both attracted to each other but because of circumstances (other boyfriends/girlfriends etc) you can't hook up. If you do maintain this forced situation you end up getting wrapped up in stupid chick drama, or worse, you get put into the position where you feel obligated to be her knight in shining armor defending her honor or whatever (for no reward I might add). My advice, stay out of it. This girl needs either legal help (police charges) or therapy, and you are qualified for neither of these. I'm not saying being an a hole and start shunning her (talk and console her, but don't go out of your way to 'hang out'. She's got girlfriends for that). I'm suggesting that unless you like this kind of drama (even if it is heavy), start spending more time with your buddies and hooking up with as many chicks as possible, and continue living your life while you're still young. Life is complicated enough without adding other people's drama to it. Next thing you know you're 40 years old and chatting with dudes on the internet about their teenage drama.

MonetBass · #20 03-01-2010, 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MakiSupaStar

If you do maintain this forced situation you end up getting wrapped up in stupid chick drama, or worse, you get put into the position where you feel obligated to be her knight in shining armor defending her honor or whatever (for no reward I might add).

This I can confirm from experience (unfortunately). This type of situation is a folly at best.