How many of you have siblings that you don't speak to?

Jared Lash · #1 08-24-2009, 12:49 PM

As for me, I've got 3 half brothers, a half sister and a step sister and I get along with all of them to varying degrees.

But recently my stepfather's mother (who I've known as "grandma" since I was 3 or 4) has had her health take a major turn for the worse. She lives closest to my folks so my mom and stepdad have done the most to take care of her. But my stepfather's brother and sister have argued and fought with him about everything regarding her care going so far as to say my mother shouldn't be involved etc. Just a big mess. And it's become clear that while they weren't all that close before, when my grandmother passes away they'll likely stop talking to each other at all.

Just curious how many TBers have siblings that they've cut off contact to and why.

EddieN · #2 08-24-2009, 02:55 PM

Got a brother I haven't spoken to in 15 years. He is a dillweed.

MatticusMania · #3 08-24-2009, 03:00 PM

My brother and I dont speak to each other very often, but we're cool.

WalterBush · #4 08-24-2009, 03:07 PM

I don't have any, but my wife and one of her half-brothers don't speak. He was living with us supposedly trying to get his life together, and disrespected her so blatantly in my house and in front of my children that we had to throw him out

It's not like he was paying rent, anyway.

We'd be willing to talk to him, but he still feels like we wronged him

It would be sad if I didn't believe that if he keeps it up, he'll eventually realize that he can't treat people the way he does and continue to have a relationship with them. He's young yet.

Jared Lash · #5 08-24-2009, 03:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MatticusMania

My brother and I dont speak to each other very often, but we're cool.

My sisters live in Vegas and I only see them once or twice a year and we rarely talk on the phone in the interim, but that's not really the same thing. I'm always happy to see them. One of my brothers and I are very different people but I visit him and my sister-in-law and their kids (4, 2 and now a newborn) a couple times a year. I'm very close to my other two brothers and talk to them a few times a month.

So like I said, various degrees of closeness, but I get along with all of them and I might go quite a while without talking to them but never because of a conscious decision to shut them out of my life. I just think that would be difficult to do, especially for people that grew up in the same house together.

Jared Lash · #6 08-24-2009, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EddieN

Got a brother I haven't spoken to in 15 years. He is a dillweed.

I'm glad that people still say dillweed. That word always makes me laugh, even when I see it in my spice rack. At this point in my life you'd think I'd have matured beyond that, but you'd be wrong.

15 years? Wow.

Quote:

Originally Posted by WalterBush

I don't have any, but my wife and one of her half-brothers don't speak. He was living with us supposedly trying to get his life together, and disrespected her so blatantly in my house and in front of my children that we had to throw him out

It's not like he was paying rent, anyway.

We'd be willing to talk to him, but he still feels like we wronged him

It would be sad if I didn't believe that if he keeps it up, he'll eventually realize that he can't treat people the way he does and continue to have a relationship with them. He's young yet.

I imagine sometimes it is just a matter of needing to grow up. By my stepfather and his brother & sister are all in their mid to late 50's.

WalterBush · #7 08-24-2009, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jared Lash

I just think that would be difficult to do, especially for people that grew up in the same house together.

It is. My wife got pushed really far for a long time; had he been anyone but a sibling, he'd have been out on his ear months earlier. The event that catalyzed his removal revealed him to be almost an entirely different person than we thought he was; we even tried to get him to seek psychiatric help at one point...and as I said, he's the one that doesn't want to talk to us. We'd at least welcome him back into our lives, if not inside our home again, if it would help him change for the better. It still hurts my wife.

I'm her husband, not his brother, so I'm a bit less, um, nice about it. I think about what he said and did here, and need to go read my Bible a bit.

Smurf-o-Deth · #8 08-24-2009, 03:45 PM

I have two half-brothers and a half-sister, personally, and their mother (who is the different half from me) blatantly lied to them for years, using them as a weapon against my father. One half-brother and my half-sister eventually grew up and saw the truth of things, and relative calm returned with them (though, to this day, they still hold resentment toward me, for simply existing), but my other half-brother never, ever snapped out of the false reality that had been spun for him. He was one of my favorite people growing up, and I looked forward to seeing him every time I knew he was coming around. That was easily fifteen years ago, and since then, I have seen him exactly once, when he attended the funeral of my tragically-killed nephew. Saw, not spoke to, just saw, as he deliberately avoided the rest of us by remaining in the back of a very large church. I miss him.

Tama · #9 08-24-2009, 03:49 PM

Sad topic I think.
I have 2 Brothers. One is morally righteous and I could never live up to his standards. The other is, of course, a genius and I am stupid.
My son calls them : Rush Limbaugh and Wylie Coyote "super genius"

I ignore both of them.
They try to talk dirt to my old Mother about me, but I don't respond.

She doesn't deserve this junk. No Parent wants to take sides against her own kids.

So, I keep my mouth shut. No telling her anything about the things they have done in the past...just remain silent.

I have had to defend myself against their accusations a few times, if only to calm my dear old Mother down.

But I don't retaliate.

Don't y'all think that is the best way to deal with them?

Sigh, Dave

Ground Pounder · #10 08-24-2009, 03:58 PM

I have a little sister who I cut off a few years back. On top of a junkie POS husband, she has issues herself that she has no intentions of correcting. She's the kind of person who lives to cause drama and make everyone else miserable, and I don't have time to manage that kind of behavior around my wife and kids.

WookieeForLife · #11 08-24-2009, 04:00 PM

My brother lives in the next room. The last serious convo I had with him was 2 years ago

LSquared · #12 08-24-2009, 04:01 PM

I have a brother who is 2.5 yrs older than me. All through Jr High and High School we were at odds. Usually not on speaking terms, though we lived in the same house.

One fall he was headed to college, and left a beat up POS Beatle-bass-copy in my room, with a note saying "learn to play this"... I did, joined his band the next summer (he's plays guitar), and we've gotten along great for the last 30 years.

We live 600 miles apart, but talk frequently, at least by email.

WookieeForLife · #13 08-24-2009, 04:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LSquared

I have a brother who is 2.5 yrs older than me. All through Jr High and High School we were at odds. Usually not on speaking terms, though we lived in the same house.

One fall he was headed to college, and left a beat up POS Beatle-bass-copy in my room, with a note saying "learn to play this"... I did, joined his band the next summer (he's plays guitar), and we've gotten along great for the last 30 years.

We live 600 miles apart, but talk frequently, at least by email.

Same with me minus the college part and on.

L-A · #14 08-24-2009, 04:30 PM

I have two brothers. One I share many interests with (music and biking in particular), and the other I don't (closest to me in age, both being younger than me). I don't at all. We're cool about it, but when he claims how proud he is that his car was the main factor in getting his current GF, I know we won't agree on much.

Still, we do talk.

Jared Lash · #15 08-24-2009, 04:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by L-A

I have two brothers. One I share many interests with (music and biking in particular), and the other I don't (closest to me in age, both being younger than me). I don't at all. We're cool about it, but when he claims how proud he is that his car was the main factor in getting his current GF, I know we won't agree on much.

Still, we do talk.

Yeah, that's pretty much my relationship with my half-brother that's closest to me in age. Just nothing in common, very different world views etc. No animosity, just not close. I'm actually a lot closer to a few of our cousins than I am to him, but we're friendly. And that's the least developed relationship I have with any of my siblings. I just find it hard to imagine cutting one or more of them out of my life completely.

GeneralElectric · #16 08-24-2009, 04:41 PM

I've got a brother whose about 20 years my senior. Last time I saw him was when my dad died. Before that was when he moved, and I was about 16 or so when he moved. He lives in Hawaii, and I lived in CA, and then I moved to NY.

I don't like talking to him, because he's a paranoid shiziophrenic. He's a former Navy Seal, and gets VA benefits as well as workman's comp (since he literally tried to kill his boss, and injured himself while doing so) so he doesn't work and just hangs out all day. He then proceeds to call me until my phone dies, and when I did answer, he'd wanna have a three hour conversation about crazy ********. Rinse and repeat that every day.

Things he's pulled:
-Telling me he's got cameras in his eyes, since he stuck his head out a ship once and saw an F16 fly by, and saw the same picture of what he saw later at a store in NY.
-Accused me of being a CIA replacement robot, and stopped talking to me for 4 months
-Tried killing his foreman, when he ripped the top off a metal desk bolted to the floor, and put the guy in a coma for nearly 2 weeks. The guy forgot to add in my brothers overtime pay the day before as he only paid him for regular hours the day before on his paycheck.
-Threatened to kill my family
-Threatened to kill my old man
-Tells everyone that the Albanian mafia is out to get him
-Tried convincing me that he was the reincarnation of Catherine the Great
-Tried convincing me that I was born in 1990

I could keep going on and on, but I think you get the idea. Last time I talked to him at the end of November. I have no desire to talk to him anymore, now that my dad is dead. I still get random phone calls from him and messages. I don't respond. We were very close while I was growing up, and while he's a lot older, he still looks like he's 25. Tops. So he became friends with a lot of my friends. I ended up isolating myself from a lot of my friends from home, because he'd call them to get my contact info. Luckily, a few of my close friends moved with me, and a couple more moved after, so I haven't lost touch with everyone.

Its a sad situation, because my brother is a very smart guy, and one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet... when he takes his meds. However, now, when he takes them, he drinks gallons of coffee since the caffeine cancels out the effects of the anti-psychotics. I can't deal with him when he's not on his meds, so I won't deal with him.

Tama · #17 08-24-2009, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jared Lash

I just find it hard to imagine cutting one or more of them out of my life completely.

Well Jared. It's great that you have this.

I don't want things the way they are for me and my Brothers.
But I am constantly attacked by them and their judgmental ways towards me.

We got along great for 42 years. Then the middle one misunderstood something I said and went on the attack.
Sent me a really nasty email accusing me of all kinda crap. Some of it MIGHT be ok for him to assume, but the rest was purely his trying to get back at me.

I didn't become defensive.
I apologized for the misunderstanding.
Truthfully, it was his insecurity that caused the whole thing.

But I let him blame me anyways. I figured he could forgive & forget if I let him think he was 100% right.
He wouldn't even do that...wouldn't accept my apology.

I don't hold this type of animosity towards anyone who is sincere and apologizes. I'm a very forgiving person.
He refuses and I guess want to be butt-hurt all his life.

As far as I am concerned, he can go pee up a rope.
Not the way I want things, but some people are unreasonable.

Dave

Lesfunk · #18 08-24-2009, 04:48 PM

I haven't spoken to my sister since 1995 when she died of Leukemia

Lesfunk · #19 08-24-2009, 04:48 PM

I spoke to my sister that's alive ten minutes ago

Sartori · #20 08-24-2009, 04:57 PM

I have three sisters. I'm on good terms with all of them. The oldest one I don't talk to that much, but aside from that it's fine. My little sister and I get in arguments all the time and sometimes don't speak to each other for a day, but after that we get back to our senses and it's like nothing happened.

It's too bad that some people's families get torn apart like I see in some of these posts.