How would you handle this awkward situation?

Joe Nerve · #1 02-20-2011, 06:30 PM

Had a birthday dinner for myself last night. 40 friends attended. When inviting them I told them all it was a birthday dinner, and I'm 99% sure I made it clear to all that everyone was paying their own way. You already know where this one is going.

When we got to the restaurant, we were thrown a curveball. We weren't going to be in their party room, they double booked it, so they put us at one huge U shaped table in the middle of the restaurant. I had smilar dinners in the party room, and they gave a seperate check to each table. As the end of the eveneing rolled around people started leaving at different times. The manager refused to give seperate checks, and I was under the impression that the waiter was telling everyone how much they owed. People were handing both my girlfriend and me money, and the first few absolutely threw in a lot more than they needed to.

Fast forward. $300 short.

My girlfriend and I are gettting married in a few months, we're paying for everything on borrowed money, we're in over our heads with a lot of different things, her car just broke down, yada, yada, yada... $300 is a HUGE deal to me right now.

There's other details that have emerged, but that's the gyst of it. What would you do. One of the guy's at the party is my boss at my dayjob. He's been ultra cool about getting me lots of work also.

MJ5150 · #2 02-20-2011, 06:41 PM

If it was me and I knew who didn't pay, I'd be at their house tonight collecting the money.

-Mike

hover · #3 02-20-2011, 06:45 PM

yeah man, that's not cool. I'd be like what MJ is saying, or at least substantially shortenning my wedding guest list.

I mean damn, some people.

Makatak · #4 02-20-2011, 06:51 PM

Dont serve desserts at the wedding and tell your guests you couldnt affort it because some of them [ and theyll know who they are ] ripped you at your birthday dinner !
Restaurants should be more onto it and not just let people walk out the door .

electracoyote · #5 02-20-2011, 06:52 PM

I would have to pin a big chunk of the blame on the restaurant. That was very tacky, discourteous, confusing, and unprofessional of them not to nail down the check arrangement with you in advance.

I'd call and bitch up a storm. You brought in 40 people, that's a lot of bad word-of-mouth, they had better take your complaint seriously.

You might also let your friends know via e-mails that you had to pick up $300.00 of the collective tab, and that you are trying to negotiate with the restaurant, but if anyone happened to accidentally dine and dash from the misunderstanding, and if they could help you out, you would greatly appreciate it.

sandmangeck · #6 02-20-2011, 07:01 PM

Most restuarants have policies of no seperate checks on parties of 6 or more. It's not the restaurants fault. It's your friends faults.

Kwesi · #7 02-20-2011, 07:14 PM

Wait how do you end up $300 short when everyone is handing you cash for their meals? Last I checked, sales taxes weren't that bad. Was it because people rolled without paying (totally messed up if true) or was everyone handing you less than their meal actually cost? Either way I'd be pretty upset as you did specify that everyone was paying their own way. I probably would have been more blunt with the "your food/your cash policy" and when people got up to leave I'd ask for the bill first and collect however much their meal was plus a few dollars extra for tax, like a list. It might have been tedious and made you look like a miser but you do what you gotta do to get that scrilla, son

.

stevetx19 · #8 02-20-2011, 07:24 PM

man, this separate checks business is pretty ridiculous. I've worked busy restaurants- it is not a big deal to separate a check. Around here, restaurants are pretty cool about it, but when i was on the east coast they wouldn't split anywhere. Absolutely ridiculous.

If i were in that situation, i'd just eat it. $300 is a lot of money for me too, but it's not worth making a big deal with friends the next day. Lesson learned, organize it a bit more with the restaurant to get it taken care of before people start leaving.

Joe Nerve · #9 02-20-2011, 07:32 PM

I just called the restaurant. Did my best professional complaining act ever.

Not sure that was the best thing to do.

Now my adrenaline is pumping. He pretty much just kept on reiterating what sandman said.

This blows bigtime.

**pacojas** · #10 02-20-2011, 07:46 PM

copy & paste the bill, then e-mail to the group. everyone should recognize their debit amount. gl.

electracoyote · #11 02-20-2011, 07:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joe Nerve

I just called the restaurant. Did my best professional complaining act ever.

Not sure that was the best thing to do.

Now my adrenaline is pumping. He pretty much just kept on reiterating what sandman said.

This blows bigtime.

Well, now your only choice is to appeal to the grace of your friends.

The only way to go about it without totally spoiling your party and burning bridges is to first thank them for attending, tell them how much fun you had and how much you appreciate them helping you celebrate your birthday, and then outline the misunderstanding and how far it set you back, maybe adding what bad financial timing this amounts to. Politely ask that if anyone was under the impression their meal was paid for and they left without paying, you would really appreciate them helping you out.

After that, it's out of your hands.

Joe Nerve · #12 02-20-2011, 08:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by electracoyote

Well, now your only choice is to appeal to the grace of your friends.

The only way to go about it without totally spoiling your party and burning bridges is to first thank them for attending, tell them how much fun you had and how much you appreciate them helping you celebrate your birthday, and then outline the misunderstanding and how far it set you back, maybe adding what bad financial timing this amounts to. Politely ask that if anyone was under the impression their meal was paid for and they left without paying, you would really appreciate them helping you out.

After that, it's out of your hands.

That's exactly the plan Ive been sitting on. Talked to a few of the people already. The detalis that I didn't write about in the OP are:

1 friend told me that the 2 couples (co-workers) he was with gave me $60 per couple. He told me what one of the couples had. I calculated it and it came out to $108. I didn't flat out confront this guy cuz I didn't want to tell him the other told me what he ate, and when I asked what he thought I should do in the situation his suggestion was to, you guessed it, just eat it and move on. That pissed me off even more.

Part 2 that I didn't mention is that I'm almost certain my boss (who brought 3 guests that he asked my OK for earlier in the day) didn't pay. He absolutely wouldn't try to screw me, but I'm not 100% certain he knew we were all paying our own way. There's a possibility I didn't tell him.

Skitch it! · #13 02-20-2011, 08:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by electracoyote

Well, now your only choice is to appeal to the grace of your friends.

The only way to go about it without totally spoiling your party and burning bridges is to first thank them for attending, tell them how much fun you had and how much you appreciate them helping you celebrate your birthday, and then outline the misunderstanding and how far it set you back, maybe adding what bad financial timing this amounts to. Politely ask that if anyone was under the impression their meal was paid for and they left without paying, you would really appreciate them helping you out.

After that, it's out of your hands.

+1 This, if the 'unaware' don't come back to you on it, then you have to weigh up if it's worth pursuing after you've given them the opportunity to repay. Sometimes it better to write some things off and put them down to experience, rather than 'upset the apple cart' so to speak.

Jay Ralston · #14 02-20-2011, 08:52 PM

Hindsight being 20/20, I always let everyone know in advance that everyone needs to pay for themselves.

sandmangeck · #15 02-20-2011, 09:01 PM

That is a bad situation w/o being on your birthday. But to have to delegate, and track down money. Sorry man.

**nutdog** · #16 02-20-2011, 09:03 PM

Kinda sux.

I'm thinking the best thing is to eat it. $300 can be a lot. In the grand scheme $300 isn't much, compared to what kind of soap opera trying to get people to pay up could turn into.

Of course, I could be wrong. If they're good friends and good people and you put out a general notice that you weren't intending to treat them all and came up way short on the bill, they may cough it up.

I'm probably not much help.

Kinda sux.

jondog · #17 02-20-2011, 09:25 PM

What a bummer Joe.

If anybody who knew the deal didn't pay, then they are not your friends. I don't have 40 friends, so maybe I can't really relate, but anybody who knows you would know at least the basics of your finances and impending marriage and would be able to gauge the impact of shorting you.

If there's any chance it was the boss and he didn't know, you've got to eat it. If the co-workers aren't close as close as their contribution seems to indicate, don't invite them to the wedding and save that money.

Waterpilot · #18 02-20-2011, 09:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nutdog

Kinda sux.

I'm thinking the best thing is to eat it. $300 can be a lot. In the grand scheme $300 isn't much, compared to what kind of soap opera trying to get people to pay up could turn into.

Yeah this does suck.... But I think I agree with Nutdog. It's such a hassle, everyone came out for your birthday. It depends on how close of friends they are but if they didn't pay up when there, they won't now. Plus you may end up making some good friends who did pay up feel guilty because it was your birthday.

I'd just eat it and chalk it up to a lesson learned.

Number27 · #19 02-20-2011, 09:47 PM

This is why YOU never arrange a birthday dinner for YOURSELF. You let your friends arrange that ****.

Demon_Hunter · #20 02-20-2011, 10:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevetx19

man, this separate checks business is pretty ridiculous. I've worked busy restaurants- it is not a big deal to separate a check. Around here, restaurants are pretty cool about it, but when i was on the east coast they wouldn't split anywhere. Absolutely ridiculous.

If i were in that situation, i'd just eat it. $300 is a lot of money for me too, but it's not worth making a big deal with friends the next day. Lesson learned, organize it a bit more with the restaurant to get it taken care of before people start leaving.

^^^This