It is human nature to hate a person whom you have injured

machine gewehr · #1 12-20-2010, 09:38 AM

I came across this latin saying:"Proprium humani ingenii est odisse quem laeseris" that translates as "It is human nature to hate a person whom you have injured" and I believe this is true.

I ended up hating a girl that I hurt and I believe this happened to at least one girl that hurt me.
Years ago,I ended up hating one of my best friends and hurting her only made me hate her more too,so it's not only in the content of love affairs.
I'm not talking about physical injury and I doubt the saying is held for only physical injury.

I've done some thinking and coudn't come up with an exact answer.I have a few things to say but I need to think on how to express them in English,I want to hear your opinions so that it could help me express my own too.

Why do we tend to hate people whom we hurt?

**bassybill** · #2 12-20-2010, 09:58 AM

I think there's some truth in this.

I split up with my last but one GF a while back - the split had been on the cards for while as she was developing some serious mental issues that I won't go into here. When the inevitable happened (as a result of some pretty bizarre behaviour on her part), I was kind of disappointed that it had got to that stage, but accepted that her issues made it impossible for us to go any further. There was no resentment on my part, only some sadness and pity for her own situation. Her mom was a big part of her problems.

Anyway, she seemed to think that she'd somehow "done me wrong", even though she was way more of a victim to her own issues than I was. As a result, she swung for a while between being apologetic and eager to make up, and at other times really hating my guts for reasons of her own making. It was pretty weird.

Short version - nutjobs are hard to understand.

geeza · #3 12-20-2010, 10:50 AM

Rationalization.

Phalex · #4 12-20-2010, 11:00 AM

I think we tend to hurt the people we hate. We may make ourselves feel better by hating the people we hurt.

OtterOnBass · #5 12-20-2010, 11:13 AM

I heard about this in relation to the holocaust. It seemed the soldiers gave respect to the Jews that resisted, and despised the ones that were cowed. Now where did I hear this..?

Jim Nazium · #6 12-20-2010, 11:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by geeza

Rationalization.

That's what I think. After we realize we have hurt someone, we need to either justify it to ourselves, or live with the realization that we aren't the "good guy". To justify it to ourselves, we come up with reasons to hate the person we hurt.

**jmattbassplaya** · #7 12-20-2010, 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phalex

...We may make ourselves feel better by hating the people we hurt.

I'm thinking along the same lines. It's easier to justify you hurting someone if you 'hate' them than it is to justify why you hurt someone who you truly love and care about. Instead of living with the guilt that you did something wrong, you can cover it up and pretend they deserved it (whatever it may be).

*edit* After thinking about it, that quote really does make perfect sense. I think it relates to almost every relationship I've had (be it romantic or friendly) where I've hurt the other person in one form or another.

I know that whenever I hurt a friend during a game of football, basketball, or anything, I'll sometimes blame the other person for getting hurt. I'll say that they weren't paying attention enough, keeping their guard up enough, etc... because it puts the blame on them. I think you 'hate' them (even if only for a moment) because they make you look like a butt for playing too rough. As such, you defend yourself and try to justify your actions, even though you probably were the one at fault.

Likewise, I've done similar things when romantic relationships have began to go sour. I'll sometimes try to justify any of my poor actions by blaming the other person and their faults because it will make me feel justified in any wrong I have done. Similarly, I know whenever I break up with a girl (even if it was because of reasons outside of our relationship) I'll try to latch on to things that can be seen as faults with a girl, because then I can justify breaking up with the girl more easily (even though these 'faults' might be petty reasons).

MJ5150 · #8 12-20-2010, 11:31 AM

It goes both ways.

-Mike

Skitch it! · #9 12-20-2010, 12:47 PM

Hate is a very unhealthy thing to harbour ime, it will eat you up. I've got no problem with saying sorry if I am the perpetrator and it's my fault, I don't go out of my way to make that happen though. But then shizzle happens sometimes whatever you do.

machine gewehr · #10 12-20-2010, 01:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bassybill

I think there's some truth in this.

As a result, she swung for a while between being apologetic and eager to make up, and at other times really hating my guts for reasons of her own making. It was pretty weird.

Short version - nutjobs are hard to understand.

Did you somehow date my ex?

I lived the EXACT thing.Boy can I pick 'em...

Quote:

Originally Posted by OtterOnBass

I heard about this in relation to the holocaust. It seemed the soldiers gave respect to the Jews that resisted, and despised the ones that were cowed. Now where did I hear this..?

I don't know if this is related to my OP but I feel like this when I see a beggar.

If a beggar is crying to me "meeeew meeeeeww money meeeew" I dispise them.I look at them with such hatred that they back off.

But if a little beggar kid comes up to me and says stuff like:"hey maan nice beard! say,you got some change on you?" I give them money or at least I don't give them the "TONIGHT YOU DINE IN HELL!" look.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jim Nazium

That's what I think. After we realize we have hurt someone, we need to either justify it to ourselves, or live with the realization that we aren't the "good guy". To justify it to ourselves, we come up with reasons to hate the person we hurt.

+

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmattbassplaya

I know that whenever I hurt a friend during a game of football, basketball, or anything, I'll sometimes blame the other person for getting hurt. I'll say that they weren't paying attention enough, keeping their guard up enough, etc... because it puts the blame on them. I think you 'hate' them (even if only for a moment) because they make you look like a butt for playing too rough. As such, you defend yourself and try to justify your actions, even though you probably were the one at fault.

These seem reasonable to me too.

This just came to my mind

As emotional hurtings)If we can hurt some one in some way,we might be in the state of mind that we are "better" than them.This may be connected to my "meeewing beggar" example.I don't know,I felt like such an a-hole right now.

hrodbert696 · #11 12-20-2010, 01:47 PM

Maybe my Latin is a little rusty, but I'm not sure the translation is right. Isn't the -eris ending a FUTURE perfect on third declension verbs? Is laesere an exception somehow? I would have thought the translation was "It is typical of the human mind to hate those whom one is going to injure." (or literally "going to have injured.") Which is a little more intuitive of an idea than the subtle insight that the OP is presenting.

Still, even so, I think that the idea is probably true. We are great at self-justification even when we are totally in the wrong, and shifting the blame to the victims of our own actions. It takes a lot to admit that you are not the hero of the story.