I can't wait to move

[agent77]

I'd like to vent for a moment if I could. Six weeks ago I foolishly moved in with a co-worker (Jim) and his twin brother (Hank), and these guys are horrible.

Hank has two kids that he sees twice a month, his idea of parenting is turning on the TV and screaming at the kids whenever they get off the couch. I felt bad for the kids and tried to play with them, but I was told, "don't undermine my authority as a parent."

Hank comes home from work and spends an hour in the bathroom eating. That's right, eating. Then he leaves his dirty dishes on floor right next to the toilet.

Jim is just as disgusting. His favorite thing to do is sneak up on someone while they are sleeping and fart on their head, doesn't matter who: me, Hank, Hank's kids, whoever. He also "borrows" my underwear, wears it, then throws the dirty boxers on my bedroom floor the next day.

My bedroom is actually an enclosed porch, and the door has a window. They both routinely sneak up to the window and peek in. I've been instructed to not hang a curtain because they "don't wanna lose the security deposit."

You would think that since they are both equally obnoxious they would get along with each other pretty well; they don't. Every day there is an all out scream fest with each one accusing the other of being my gay lover (I'm straight), which sometimes turns into a slap fight.

Now for the light at the end of the tunnel: in one week I have a job interview in a city 40 miles away. This job pays almost twice as much as I'm making now and my brother lives about 10 blocks from where I'll be working (if I get hired). Both he and his wife said I could stay with them till I find an apartment. Man oh man, I sure hope I get this job.

[lowfreq33]

Wow. Good luck.

[drteeth]

Dayum. I wouldn't last a week with guys like that.

[line6man]

Originally Posted by agent77

Hank comes home from work and spends an hour in the bathroom eating. That's right, eating. Then he leaves his dirty dishes on floor right next to the toilet.

Why does he do this?

[Waffles and Scotch]

Originally Posted by line6man

Why does he do this?

+1. I thought you're not supposed to eat where you sh*t.

[fenderhutz]

This would be a great TV show. Shop it to the networks.

Probably the only reality show I WOULD actually watch.

[bassistjoe93]

I feel for you man. Best of luck in your interview! Use your crappy situation as an incentive to make sure you're as prepared as humanly possible to knock this interview out of the park!

Btw... who would mate with a guy who eats on the toilet? I can't imagine a guy who does that to be very good with the ladies...

[JakeAndAirwaves]

Turn up your bass and shake the house apart.

[Skitch it!]

Crikey, it sounds like a Monty Python episode gone wrong, time to get rolling indeed.

[PSPookie]

Thanks. Suddenly my problems seem a bit smaller

[hover]

When reading the bit about spending an hour eating on the toilet, I dunno why the song "circle of life" (from the lion King) immediately sprang into my head..disturbing actually, aside from the visual.

[fenderhutz]

Originally Posted by hover

When reading the bit about spending an hour eating on the toilet, I dunno why the song "circle of life" (from the lion King) immediately sprang into my head..disturbing actually, aside from the visual.

I need a new cup of coffee

[MJ5150]

Perhaps you should have stopped by the place a few times to scope it out before you decided to move in.

-Mike

[Time Monkey]

I fart on my roommates head all the time.

I used his toothbrush once, too. Cause I'm certain he has used mine a few times.

I also hide the good toothpaste, the good bodywash, and the good booze.

Roommates, man... Its a war. Always be prepared and one step ahead.

Granted, I've known these toolbags since we were pissing the bed on a regular basis.

[JimmyM]

Roommates suck. That's all there is to it.

[Southpaw5]

Originally Posted by Time Monkey

Granted, I've known these toolbags since we were pissing the bed on a regular basis.

That could have been last week.

[modulusman]

Originally Posted by Time Monkey

I fart on my roommates head all the time.

I used his toothbrush once, too. Cause I'm certain he has used mine a few times too scrub his hemorrhoids.

I also hide the good toothpaste, the good bodywash, and the good booze.

Roommates, man... Its a war. Always be prepared and one step ahead.

Granted, I've known these toolbags since we were pissing the bed on a regular basis.

Fixed your post. Back in the 80s when i was playing full time I use to have to room with the soundman. I remember waking up one day and seeing him brushing his teeth with my toothbrush since he didn't own one. The guy looked like Charles Manson with less teeth.

[hover]

Only room mate i ever had is my Wife. It's nice. She lets me do things.

[shadowtippy]

"Murder/suicide" by the brothers seems like a good solution. (Not that I would condone such a thing.) Don't take out insurance policies on them, though. It might tend to incriminate you in the investigation.

[mellowinman]

I always hope threads like these are just "fake" threads, to try and amuse people. Then, I sadly shake my head as the realization comes that there could be truth to what has been posted.

I suppose everyone has always had the opportunity to fart on my head.

ONCE.