I don't understand blind, reckless rage

[oniman7]

This is coming off of an argument between my parents that I had to get involved with. Threats were made and things were broken and things were said to me that I have a hard time living down. I'm the oldest of 3 brothers and I felt the need to step in.

The fight's over, apologies and reparations have been made, and I understand everybody's human. This isn't a common occurrence.

But coming off of this, I realize I literally can't comprehend blind rage that causes people to do and say things they don't mean or otherwise wouldn't do. I don't think I've ever said something in an angry situation that I wouldn't live down and do when calm. Tonight was the first time I've yelled at my parents in my 17 years of life and that was to regain some control of the situation. My girlfriend does the same thing (although both my mom and girlfriend have diagnosed bipolar) and I don't understand it. She'll flip and do things she won't even remember. Together we've been able to work some of it down and unless I detect she's in a manic episode I don't entertain violent arguments such as shouting, slamming things, that sort of thing.

In middle school I started realizing a sort of separation of my thoughts and my feelings. I don't know if this was a hormone change in puberty or a development in the brain or just something I learned to control. I started thinking long before I thought and exerting mental control over things instead of just acting. I don't yell and have never physically intimidated someone unless it was a dangerous situation that might have escalated into violence against my choice.

I guess over time I came to believe that because I haven't ever gone into a blind rage, it was possible for everybody to keep themselves from doing it. I don't understand the concept of fury causing you to do something you wouldn't otherwise do. I get mad at people like everybody else and occasionally I'll do something purely because I'm mad at somebody but it's always deliberate and I have yet to do something out of anger that I had to make an apology for. I just don't understand losing control of yourself because you're mad. Maybe there are others here who can help me understand it a little bit? I'm probably grasping at straws.

[hbarcat]

You said your mom has bipolar disorder. This is a serious mental illness which typically afflicts the victim with loss of emotional control. It can be treated, but certainly not cured.

One might as well wonder why someone with Parkinson's is having trouble with physical coordination. Of course it's hard living with a person who has bipolar disorder. Now imagine how tough it is to be that person.

[oniman7]

Originally Posted by hbarcat

You said your mom has bipolar disorder. This is a serious mental illness which typically afflicts the victim with loss of emotional control. It can be treated, but certainly not cured.

One might as well wonder why someone with Parkinson's is having trouble with physical coordination. Of course it's hard living with a person who has bipolar disorder. Now imagine how tough it is to be that person.

This I'm willing to make allowances for. I struggle with some depression and anxiety myself that, while different, allows me to understand. This thread was inspired by tonight's event but I see it happen in so many people that 80+% of the world's population would have to be afflicted to properly explain it. My question is more for the rest of the folks out there.

[Downunderwonder]

Diet can soothe the savage beast.

Eat more oily fish, green veges. Cut down sugar, fried food, refined carbs in general.

[T-Bird]

Hi.

Originally Posted by oniman7

But coming off of this, I realize I literally can't comprehend blind rage that causes people to do and say things they don't mean or otherwise wouldn't do.

First of all, IME, people deep down do mean what they say and if there was no repercussions, they'd do the same things when not under the influence of blind rage.

We are an infant as a race and the behavioural (survival) patterns of our "less evolved" ancestors aren't even buried anywhere.
Just supressed.
With various degrees of success.

Originally Posted by oniman7

I don't think I've ever said something in an angry situation that I wouldn't live down and do when calm.

Yet.

Give it a decade or two.

Or dig deeper into mental diciplinary exercises. That does help.

Originally Posted by oniman7

I guess over time I came to believe that because I haven't ever gone into a blind rage, it was possible for everybody to keep themselves from doing it. I don't understand the concept of fury causing you to do something you wouldn't otherwise do.

I hope You won't either.

The first time is the worst as You have absolutely no warning signs you can identify, and when the red hue falls before your eyes, it's already too late.

The subsequent times become easier and easier, up until You can control it and prevent the rage overpowering your dicipline.

Some are lucky enough to do that without the trip to the big house, some aren't.

Our stopped (or reversed) evolution has made us cripplingly dependent on each-other, so no-one gets judged too badly for behaving driven by their natural instincts every once and a while.
We will kiss, hug, and make up.
Because we know we won't survive alone.
And because we do recognise the behaviour in ourselves.

Regards
Sam

[i_got_a_mohawk]

We all have different lengths of fuse, but I think that most, if not all, are capable of it. Some are just more easily triggered than others.

[bmc]

Keep in mind that anger is fear. Look at it from that perspective and think about it.

[Lonesomedave]

good answers here....let me add

they say when you're drunk, you speak your sober mind...i think the same thing can be said for blind rage.

the most important thing you said is that your mom is bi-polar...just out of curiosity, how did the fight start? did she start it?

is she on meds? you can help to control bi-polar disorder with meds, but you can't cure it....

man, i feel for you, and there is really nothing you can do to prevent it....diet, as has been suggested, may help...as can recognizing the tendency to act without thinking.

it sounds like you have a pretty good handle on the situation, and i realize it's tough to deal with.

i might suggest seeing a shrink, but i don't really think you need to...you are in a situation not of your own making, with people you love who are in situations not of their own making...your mom can't help being bi-polar, and your dad can't help having a wife with bi-polar.

try to understand that, while this may not be "normal" it is by no means one-of-a-kind, and if it happens again, do what you did this time...try to intervene gently.

[i_got_a_mohawk]

Originally Posted by Lonesomedave

i might suggest seeing a shrink, but i don't really think you need to...you are in a situation not of your own making, with people you love who are in situations not of their own making...your mom can't help being bi-polar, and your dad can't help having a wife with bi-polar.

The OP was considering seeing a psychologist earlier this month, before finding out guns were a better solution

[hover]

Originally Posted by bmc

Keep in mind that anger is fear. Look at it from that perspective and think about it.

That is a good way of looking at it.

[HaMMerHeD]

So do you understand or don't you? In your first post, you go on about how you don't understand and "literally can't comprehend", but in your first reply you say "I struggle with some depression and anxiety myself that, while different, allows me to understand."

So which is it?

[MrLenny1]

Love & patience brother.
Dealing with a family member with issues
takes a lot Love & Patience.

[Bloodhammer]

I usually go into a blind rage when people psychologically project their failures on me by yelling at me for said failures. For some reason I just can't handle that very well.

I've learned that the better solution is to break up with my girlfriend if it's her doing it (once is too many times, I've recently learned - it will only get worse - not better) or just leave and go to a friend's house.

[ToneMonkey]

One of the great defining moments in my life came when a noted user interface designer challenged a room full of his peers to "quit being self-referential."

In other words, just because you perceive and process the world a certain way, does not at all mean that everyone else does. In fact, there are 16 different Myers-Briggs personality types. So at any given time, it is more likely that another person does NOT perceive and process the world the way I do.

So what's my point? It's OK to not understand why someone does what they do. But humility also demands that all of us recognize that everyone struggles with something. It's natural to look upon someone else's shortcomings and judge them ("I would never do that"). But what about the things you surely do that causes others to say the same about you?

IMHO, "The Golden Rule" never goes out of style. Grace, mercy, forgiveness, patience all make the world a better place to live. It sounds like your mom and dad could really use some of that.

Peace.

[oniman7]

Originally Posted by HaMMerHeD

So do you understand or don't you? In your first post, you go on about how you don't understand and "literally can't comprehend", but in your first reply you say "I struggle with some depression and anxiety myself that, while different, allows me to understand."

So which is it?

I recognize the legitimacy of the disorder but not everybody can explain it with that because they don't have it

[oniman7]

Originally Posted by i_got_a_mohawk

The OP was considering seeing a psychologist earlier this month, before finding out guns were a better solution

Hehe on my end I have an endocrinologist appointment and any necessary psychology appointments will be made after checking that it's not a physiology problem

[oniman7]

Originally Posted by Lonesomedave

good answers here....let me add

they say when you're drunk, you speak your sober mind...i think the same thing can be said for blind rage.

the most important thing you said is that your mom is bi-polar...just out of curiosity, how did the fight start? did she start it?

is she on meds? you can help to control bi-polar disorder with meds, but you can't cure it....

man, i feel for you, and there is really nothing you can do to prevent it....diet, as has been suggested, may help...as can recognizing the tendency to act without thinking.

it sounds like you have a pretty good handle on the situation, and i realize it's tough to deal with.

i might suggest seeing a shrink, but i don't really think you need to...you are in a situation not of your own making, with people you love who are in situations not of their own making...your mom can't help being bi-polar, and your dad can't help having a wife with bi-polar.

try to understand that, while this may not be "normal" it is by no means one-of-a-kind, and if it happens again, do what you did this time...try to intervene gently.

Thanks Dave,
It has happened before but as a fee marked events and not a regular occurrence. I remember when she was on Zoloft and things were much worse. She's on Effexor now and says the switch is the best thing she ever did. She's much more even on it but like somebody said earlier, it can't be cured

[NWB]

Originally Posted by i_got_a_mohawk

The OP was considering seeing a psychologist earlier this month, before finding out guns were a better solution

Along those same lines, I somewhat question whether bi-polar mom should have such easy access to guns?

[oniman7]

Originally Posted by NWB

Along those same lines, I somewhat question whether bi-polar mom should have such easy access to guns?

It's not something we took lightly when considering

[bolophonic]

So we are talking about a household with one family member who has been diagnosed with a mental illness, another who believes he might be suffering from a mental illness and fights breaking out on occasion that could be described as "blind rages" and y'all are going to collect guns together? What could possibly go wrong here?