I just got asked out for the first time...

[HEIST]

and it's by a 41 year old man. And he is really serious about it.

He came into my work looking for something we don't have and I had a few minutes before my next appointment so I tried to brainstorm up some places he could check out to get what he needed. We ended up just having a nice chat about this and that (which I do with just about every customer we have if I had the time) and then at one point he touched my hand. I thought nothing of it because I thought the guy was just nice and then somewhere later in the conversation he put his hands on my shoulders and told me I was super cute. I said I was flattered and no one really says that so thanks. "Oh, I'm two minutes late for my appointment so I'll talk to you later!" and I gave him my business card. He stopped me and gave me his number. I kind of shrugged it off later.

I wasn't going to call him. :/ I never got someone's number off of them either so that's another first. One hour before closing he calls my work and asks for me. He's on the other end with a squeaky voice talking about how he'd like to take me out to dinner sometime and maybe a drink. I try to be as vague as possible about my shedule and just left it there.

Now, all my co-workers think he's a creep and all that but he's genuinely a nice guy who doesn't give off the creepy vibe. And I can't, for the life of me, say no. I don't say yes either but I can't say no. I feel like I should talk to him in person or just the phone and let him know that I don't want to get involved and I'm not interested and everything on my end was purely professional. I don't want to lead him on thinking that there might be something when there isn't.

It's so much easier typing that than actually doing it.

It's just been stressing me out so badly. I enjoyed our 10 minute exchange and he's a cool cat but suddenly right after his phone call I'm really scared of this grown man.

I think he's going to call back at my work later on this week (maybe even today). What should I do? Should I just get my co-workers to tell him off? (they offered).

I think he deserves to hear it from me but like I said I'm really scared.

This guy is three years younger than my dad.
Honestly.

[Darkstrike]

Wow, thats very strange.


Just tell him your not intrested, make sure your not alone with the guy either, just in case,

[Matt_W]

How old are you, and what is your sex? - both of these affect what I would say to you.

Don't do anything you are not comfortable with, and you don't need to feel bad about saying no to him. I would be a little wary if the age difference is too big, and certainly wouldn't go out for a meal with him, unless you could arrange for a trusted friend to be on a table near by.

Be safe, and don't do anything you feel weird about. For me the fact you are scared is a big warning sign to not go ahead with this.

[HEIST]

19 year old female. Thank you guys for the tip on not being alone. The last time my friend went for a walk with a guy (my co-worker told her, whatever she does to not go to his house) she ended in a situation where she couldn't avoid going in and was raped. So I'll definitely keep this in mind.

[spade2you]

I'm 28 and I consider 19 too young for me. 41 just seems kinda creepy.

[invader3k]

Don't be afraid to be blunt. It's OK to say "Sorry, but I'm really not interested," but if he persists, than just say "Look, I'm really not interested, and you're old enough to be my dad...it's not going to happen." If he still persists, get your boss to escort him out (if he's at your work place) or call the police. It's not worth trying to let someone like this "down easy" if they're really a freak or weirdo.

[Darkstrike]

Originally Posted by HEIST

19 year old female. Thank you guys for the tip on not being alone. The last time my friend went for a walk with this guy (my co-worker told her, whatever she does to not go to his house) she ended in a situation where she couldn't avoid going in and was raped. So I'll definitely keep this in mind.

The same guy!?!


If so, stay the hell away!!! And make sure smeone knows where you are at all times!

[ehque]

Just step away. 19 is too young for a 41 year old man, especially in a relationship based on a 10 minute conversation and "you're cute".

[HEIST]

Originally Posted by Darkstrike

The same guy!?!


If so, stay the hell away!!! And make sure smeone knows where you are at all times!

Nonono not the same guy. If he ever steps foot into my work he'd get his **** kicked.
I edited my post to save some confusion, sorry about that!!

[Matt_W]

In that case I would suggest you turn him down politely. You are too young to be dating a 41 year old man, you need to have fun with guys your own age - going on a date with someone of that age offers too many issues, mainly ones of which I can't go into detail due to talkbass rules.

Don't think because you haven't been asked out before that you need to jump on this situation, you seem to be compassionate and have your head screwed on and therefore shouldn't have a problem finding dates.

[KeithBMI]

Well hello there.

...But seriously... Something smells fishy.

[HEIST]

Originally Posted by Matt_W

In that case I would suggest you turn him down politely. You are too young to be dating a 41 year old man, you need to have fun with guys your own age - going on a date with someone of that age offers too many issues, mainly ones of which I can't go into detail due to talkbass rules.

Don't think because you haven't been asked out before that you need to jump on this situation, you seem to be compassionate and have your head screwed on and therefore shouldn't have a problem finding dates.

Oh no I'm definitely not interested. Like I said our conversation was purely a part of my work and means nothing to me. And he is much, much too old. It's just the actual having-to-turn-him-down I'm having trouble with. I don't know how to go about it nor what to really say.

[Matt_W]

Originally Posted by HEIST

Oh no I'm definitely not interested. Like I said our conversation was purely a part of my work and means nothing to me. And he is much, much too old. It's just the actual having-to-turn-him-down I'm having trouble with. I don't know how to go about it nor what to really say.

Try "I appreciate the offer, but the age difference is too much, and I would find it uncomfortable" followed by "No, I am not willing to try it out, thank you." then maybe "I said no, please leave".

Be polite, but be firm. He will get over it.

[Darkstrike]

Originally Posted by HEIST

Nonono not the same guy. If he ever steps foot into my work he'd get his **** kicked.
I edited my post to save some confusion, sorry about that!!

Entirely my fault, I jumped the gun a bit, still, be careful.

[XtreO]

No. Just no. You don't date people twice your own age!

[ehque]

Originally Posted by Matt_W

Try "I appreciate the offer, but the age difference is too much, and I would find it uncomfortable" followed by "No, I am not willing to try it out, thank you." then maybe "I said no, please leave".

Be polite, but be firm. He will get over it.

Actually, don't make the age a sticky point. Since he clearly did not see the problem the first time, its not a good excuse to use because it'll just take more convincing (and put you in the place of more convincing to his PoV). Just tell him that you're not interested. Being perpetually noncommital about your schedule and when you get off work for a few days also can work, i believe.

[HollowBassman]

Originally Posted by KeithBMI

Well hello there.

...But seriously... Something smells fishy.

Now that's an unusual pick-up line!

[Matt_W]

Originally Posted by ehque

Actually, don't make the age a sticky point. Since he clearly did not see the problem the first time, its not a good excuse to use because it'll just take more convincing (and put you in the place of more convincing to his PoV). Just tell him that you're not interested. Being perpetually noncommital about your schedule and when you get off work for a few days also can work, i believe.

You're right. I hadn't thought of that.

[ynie92992]

Yeah,just do what people said,don't date guys twice your age(Unless he is 2 and you are 1,but that's obviously not the case).Be careful.

[Scarlet Fire]

Don't lead him on, it will only make things worse. You may not like it, but you have be straightforward with him. It may sting a little bit in the immediate short term, but in the long term, you'll both be better off for it.