I know the grass is dead, but I still want the other side...

HollowBassman · #1 11-24-2008, 05:43 PM

Does anyone else here find themselves subconsciously going after self-destructive relationships?

I don't know if it's fear of commitment, or a desire to have what I can't have, or what, but it has become obvious that I only seem to chase relationships that are guaranteed to implode within a week or two. Don't get me wrong, I try to make them work but when I think about them from an outside perspective, it's clear that they were doomed from the start.

Has anyone else found themselves in a similar situation? how did you escape the rut?

fenderhutz · #2 11-24-2008, 05:48 PM

Don't look for relationships, let them find you.

You may need to also break you routine and find new places to go.

I was our band manager and met my wife when we needed a photo shoot for the band. I knew from the first conversation on the phone without seeing her she was special.

Over 9 years later and 2 kids we have YET to have any kind of serious argument.

She is an artist, maybe you need to find someone that has some kind of hobby or musical or artistic ability?

Just a hunch, knowing where we live there are many girls that thrive on trash talking and trying to pick fights. They have no hobbies and make drama their boyfriend their hobby. BAD combination. Not saying you are going for these types, but they outnumber the good girls 50:1 around here.

EDIT: It didn't hurt my wife was an implant to the area and grew up somewhere else so she wasn't raised with this crap.

Selta · #3 11-24-2008, 05:51 PM

I was sort of like that in high school / early college. I just stumbled upon "the right one" and well, that ended that.
Hey, as long as you're having fun and not literally self-destructing, oh well

.

HollowBassman · #4 11-24-2008, 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fenderhutz

...

You may need to also break you routine and find new places to go...

Yes, but where is there to go around here? I think I might just start hanging out in grocery stores.

Quote:

Just a hunch, knowing where we live there are many girls that thrive on trash talking and trying to pick fights. They have no hobbies and make drama their boyfriend their hobby. BAD combination. Not saying you are going for these types, but they outnumber the good girls 50:1 around here.

Good hunch!

fenderhutz · #5 11-24-2008, 06:02 PM

You planning going to college or some sort of technical school like Blue Ridge?

LiquidMidnight · #6 11-24-2008, 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fenderhutz

I was our band manager and met my wife when we needed a photo shoot for the band. I knew from the first conversation on the phone without seeing her she was special.

+1

I have good intuition, and as such, I've learned to go with my intuition. I found my current girlfriend about two and a half years ago. I did my first two years of college at a small branch campus of my university. I then began commuting to main campus during my junior year. The first day of my junior year, I was sitting at a desk, waiting for the professor. A girl walked into the classroom. She was totally my type: glasses, red hair, a little nerdy, and of course cute. She really caught my eye! I went back to daydreaming, which is what I usually do before class starts. Hmm...the professor wasn't showing up though! Well, the cute redhead I noticed finally stood up and introduced herself to the class. Turns out she was the professor and enjoys pretending to be a student on the first day of class. All throughout the semester, I just kept falling, falling for her. Something in the back of my mind told me that I was going to end up being with her eventually. Summer rolled around and we did a research project together. I seriously began developing feelings for her. Of course, I never said anything because of the obvious social situation we were in. I never knew how she felt about me though. When I graduated, I kept in touch with her throughout the summer. She came to some gigs. We went out and had dinner. She came up to visit and see a gig after I started grad school (at a different university, mind you

). With some help from my friend and my guitarist's girlfriend, I ended up kissing her. We've been together ever since, and everyone around us says that it's obvious we're getting married. Sorry about hi-jacking, but I love telling that story.

Quote:

Just a hunch, knowing where we live there are many girls that thrive on trash talking and trying to pick fights. They have no hobbies and make drama their boyfriend their hobby. BAD combination. Not saying you are going for these types, but they outnumber the good girls 50:1 around here.

+1 again.

I learned a long time ago to stear clear of the girls who seem to have a legacy of tragedy behind them. Many of them are good people, but relationships with them don't work. There's probably some Maslow concept in there somewhere, but you really do have to love yourself and be a stable person before you can have a successful relationship. My singer is currently going through a seperation/divorce with someone like this. It never ends well.

fenderhutz · #7 11-24-2008, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LiquidMidnight

A girl walked into the classroom. She was totally my type: glasses, red hair, a little nerdy, and of course cute.

Sorry I have to.

No pics, no hot Lisa Loeb looking redhead potential wife.

HollowBassman · #8 11-24-2008, 06:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fenderhutz

You planning going to college or some sort of technical school like Blue Ridge?

No, I kinda got forced into the family business and, unless I make it big in music, I'll probably be stuck with it until the day I die. I did go to James Rumsey but there were surprisingly few girls in Auto. Tech.

fenderhutz · #9 11-24-2008, 06:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HollowBassman

No, I kinda got forced into the family business and, unless I make it big in music, I'll probably be stuck with it until the day I die. I did go to James Rumsey but there were surprisingly few girls in Auto. Tech.

Maybe go to another larger church and switch some things up?

I see you play at church in your profile.

HollowBassman · #10 11-24-2008, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fenderhutz

Maybe go to another larger church and switch some things up?

I see you play at church in your profile.

Well, I used to. I should probably update that.

I've never had much luck with church girls. I imagine whatever it is about me that attracts the bad girls, is the same that scares off the good ones.

fenderhutz · #11 11-24-2008, 06:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HollowBassman

I imagine whatever it is about me that attracts the bad girls, is the same that scares off the good ones.

Not all bad girls are bad, it just a protective wall for some due to age and maturity.

Also the "bad" girls seem to be more outspoken than the "good" ones because they don't know when to shut up sometimes due to wanting the attention negative or positive.

Just open your eyes and look for the ones that are around the other girls kinda smiling in the shadows. Not actively participating in the trash talk and obviously trying to create a visible distance.

They are the bad girls by association, but really are sweethearts for the most part.

They will more than likely never talk to you, you will have to initiate.

Sorry for sounding like a relationship monger on here but these "tips" might work for you.

mike_v_s · #12 11-24-2008, 06:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HollowBassman

Well, I used to. I should probably update that.

I've never had much luck with church girls. I imagine whatever it is about me that attracts the bad girls, is the same that scares off the good ones.

Stop carrying your rap sheet around.

Mike

EDIT: I should point out that I'm not from y'all's "neck of the woods", so maybe that's considered an accessory.

HollowBassman · #13 11-24-2008, 06:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mike_v_s

Stop carrying your rap sheet around.

Mike

EDIT: I should point out that I'm not from y'all's "neck of the woods", so maybe that's considered an accessory.

Yo dawg, I needs to keep up ma street cred, or all kinds a players will be bustin' in on ma turf.

sarcastro83 · #14 11-24-2008, 06:42 PM

If you don't mind me asking, Hollowduder, how old are these girls you're having self-destructive relationships with? I've found that the older they get, the less inclined to act a fool they become... for the most part, anyway...

HollowBassman · #15 11-24-2008, 06:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarcastro83

If you don't mind me asking, Hollowduder, how old are these girls you're having self-destructive relationships with? I've found that the older they get, the less inclined to act a fool they become... for the most part, anyway...

Oh, you see, that's what I thought... but I was wrong. They have ranged from 20 to 37, but most have been older than me.

fenderhutz · #16 11-24-2008, 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HollowBassman

Oh, you see, that's what I thought... but I was wrong. They have ranged from 20 to 37, but most have been older than me.

If they are over 30ish and still hanging out at bars and drinking they are doomed to that life. It has become a lifestyle.

No longer college party drinkers, they are flat out drunks or love the lifestyle.

sarcastro83 · #17 11-24-2008, 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HollowBassman

Oh, you see, that's what I thought... but I was wrong. They have ranged from 20 to 37, but most have been older than me.

Dang... it would appear that you've sunk my battleship on this one, sir! Don't let it get you down, though. Sometimes, a dude just can't help being a magnet for crazy. There are plenty of non-crazy ones out there, though. It takes a while for them to show up, but they pop their heads in from time to time... you just have to play the hand you're dealt.

mike_v_s · #18 11-24-2008, 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HollowBassman

Yo dawg, I needs to keep up ma street cred, or all kinds a players will be bustin' in on ma turf.

You misspelled "dog". And "my". And some of your tenses are wrong. I have no street cred.

Mike

HollowBassman · #19 11-24-2008, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mike_v_s

You misspelled "dog". And "my". And some of your tenses are wrong. I have no street cred.

Mike

You sir, are correct.

hbarcat · #20 11-24-2008, 08:15 PM

I've had relationships with women who were normal and sane and also with women who were bat **** loony. I've never been excited about the ones who were normal and sane and I've felt the most alive with the crazy ones. I was even married to one of the loonies for 10 years and it was heaven and hell at the same time.

Since I've been available again, I've tried going back to the normal, sweet girls, because the properly working part of my brain is telling me that's the wise thing to do, but I've found these relationships boring. In the meantime, I have opportunities to get closer to women who I can immediately tell are total wack jobs, and I think to myself, "I want to go on that ride!" even though I know darn well they're poison.