I need some incite on Proposing to my girl friend.

[5StringDelirium]

I'm 22 and I have been dating my girl friend for 4 years and I've been thinking about proposing to her in the next year and I have a few questions.

What's a good age to get married?

What is a good time to pop the question?

Is every guy a nervous wreck when the go through this or is it just me?

How long should I wait between proposal and wedding?

Also any other incite, suggestions, and opinions would be greatly appreciated.

[TOOL460002]

note that i am not married, so maybe i am less qualified to answer here, but i would just consider the financial implications. if youre getting married, settling down, and having kids, youre going to have some bills. also note that i would only get married for tax purposes, legal implications, and/or getting both of you on the same health care plan (assuming at least one of you has it).

just because youre in love doesnt mean you have to get married. my parents got married over a casual conversation. it just made sense at the time (theyre still together after thirty or so years too... and they met at a bar... gotta be an exception).

you dont need to go over the top. the sentiment is the same. its a commitment either way, and i think thats more what matters.

[IconBasser]

it's "insight"

[MichaelScott]

Originally Posted by 5StringDelirium

What's a good age to get married?

After you've dated at least 6-10 different girls so you know what you like. If you've been dating this girl for 4 years that means you started at 18. You may think she is the one but you don't have much experience in the matter... just sayin.

What is a good time to pop the question?

Minimum 2 years of dating.

Is every guy a nervous wreck when the go through this or is it just me?

It's not just you.

How long should I wait between proposal and wedding?

Minimum year to book locations/food/etc... I know people that have done it quicker but they were stressed out about it. You can always do Vegas but if you want a ceremony do a year.

Also any other incite, suggestions, and opinions would be greatly appreciated.

Make the proposal very romantic- your girl is going to want to brag to all her friends about the amazing way you proposed.

Also- which ever girl you marry make sure her parents are cool.

[mike_v_s]

Originally Posted by 5StringDelirium

I'm 22 and I have been dating my girl friend for 4 years and I've been thinking about proposing to her in the next year and I have a few questions.

What's a good age to get married?

Different for everyone. I got married at 28, but my wife was ready to commit at 23/24.

What is a good time to pop the question?

Again, different for everyone. I chose New Year's Eve, but at the time it was just the right time and the holiday provided an easy backdrop.

Is every guy a nervous wreck when the go through this or is it just me?

Not just you.

How long should I wait between proposal and wedding?

like that guy said, one year. Too much longer and it begins to seem like the Bataan Death March and any shorter and you start having scheduling problems.

Also any other incite, suggestions, and opinions would be greatly appreciated.

Make it personal to her. Only you would know what that entails. She'll be ecstatic no matter what you do, but stepping it up never hurts. With that in mind, you don't have to parachute out of a plane with a ring.

Mike

[playinpearls]

What's a good age to get married?
When you feel you are ready. There are good's and bad's to being married, but the right person at the wrong time is the wrong person. You will never be ready for anything, and the bad things about being married are only bad for particular times in your life. If you still enjoy hanging with the guys every day for 6 hours after work, now is not the time to get married. Your future wife should be your current best friend.


What is a good time to pop the question?
After you've contemplated the above.


Is every guy a nervous wreck when the go through this or is it just me?
Nervousness is normal. I wasn't too nervous, but i didn't really plan anything other than taking her for a walk around a lake that we went to in orlando on our first road trip. The proposal is a special moment for girls. The more extreme you make it, the more love its gonna show that you have for her. My best friend just flew his girl to miami after giving and paying for her girls night out the night before. Her whole weekend was documented by home dvd's, and there were several different activities for her to enjoy. She knew it was coming when it started, but making the weekend out of it made the experience much more enjoyable and loving for both of them.

How long should I wait between proposal and wedding?
The time in between proposal and marriage should be limited to the time it takes to plan a wedding. This "engaged for 4 years" crap is straight BS. Dragging her along cause you put a ring on her finger is unfair to her.

Also any other incite, suggestions, and opinions would be greatly appreciated.

Marriage is a commitment and covenent. You are saying that NO MATTER WHAT you are going to make it work with this other person. Not "until i dont feel it anymore", not "until she starts being mean", not "until my friends dont like her". Marriage needs and should be forever, and if you dont have that mindset, then dont get married. There is an actuall reason it says "until DEATH do you part." Its not a joke. Its your life. If you are more involved in "religeous (for lack of a better word)" activities, most of them will say that cheating is the only acceptable reason for divorce. Make this a covenant with your spouse. You will do whatever necesary to keep your relationship strong and loving. I've been married for 3 years, and its been the best 3 of my life...and here's to 50 more!

the key to marriage is to never stop dating your wife. You still have to woo her, after you've got her...

it also shows absolute LOADS of respect if you ask her father for permission before you do anything. He may actually help you execute your event... this is asumming that they've had a good relationship. if not, mom is acceptable too, but hopefully she is not controlling.

[NoTalentHack]

I've been married for 27 years and we dated for 3 years before that (high school sweethearts).

I do not recommend getting married. Seriously.

But, if you must, I recommend proposing in private. This is for 2 good reasons.

1-There is no pressure for her to say "yes" just to save face when she really wants to say "no". In private, you get an honest answer.
2-You will not be humiliated if she does happen to say "no".

As far as timing and age, etc. I really can't say. I guess when it's the right timing you'll know it. Or not.

Whatever you decide good luck!

Edit: playinpearls was typing as I was and his last paragraph is dead on. Marriage is not give and take, it's give, give, give -in a good way.

[dave64o]

Married 20 years in April of next year, together since 1982, and have endured some serious tests to my marriage, so I probably have sufficient qualifications to answer.

What's a good age to get married?
- I'd say it's less about age and more about your maturity level, her maturity level, and your collective maturity level. You're planning to enter a responsibility exceeded only by having children together. You need to be able to focus and remain focused - forever - on working for the good of you as a couple.

What is a good time to pop the question?
- Assuming you're pretty sure she'd say yes, surprise her. Doing it in private in some way that catches her off guard is always good. My wife swore for years that I would never surprise her. She was wrong. If you do it in public, then I hope you're damn sure she'll say yes! Anything other than an immediate "Oh my God, yes, yes, YESSSSSS!!!!!" could make you look pretty stupid.

Is every guy a nervous wreck when the go through this or is it just me?
- I was nervous as hell. Talk about putting yourself on the line!

How long should I wait between proposal and wedding?
- If she's like most women you'll find out that she has already planned her wedding with a nameless, faceless groom where you hope to be. That's not a personal attack against you, I just mean that she's been envisioning this all her life, long before she ever met you, and the groom was as much a prop as the flowers, the cake, etc. in that vision. And if for some reason the two of you break up then the next guy will be the nameless, faceless prop. Or the guy after him. Or the guy after HIM. or ... You get the point, I'm sure. You'll probably wait the amount of time it will take her to execute her plans. I'm not saying that's the way it should be, just that it's the way it seems to go. My wife was much the same, though there was still a lot we planned together.

Also any other incite, suggestions, and opinions would be greatly appreciated.
- Make sure, and I mean DAMN SURE, that the things that bother you about her, or the things you've just ignored, tolerated, or put up with will never bother when magnified by 100 times. Run through those scenarios in your head and see if your blood pressure and pulse go up if you need to. Also make DAMN SURE that she treats you as a partner. I've been through this and have also seen a lot of friends that let their wives get away with being a control freak that simply castrates them. In a lot of ways men have been conditioned to fall into the "if she's not happy, I'm not happy" trap. Do NOT let that happen to you. At the same time, do NOT think I'm telling you to turn your marriage into a battle for control. It means that you both are partners and the only way it will work out if you treat each other that way every single day. If you've seen signs that she assumes it's all about her, seriously reconsider your future with her. Yes, living with a woman who's a control freak and assumes it's all about her *IS* that bad.


In short, if you can make her feel loved every day and she does the same for you, then it's a pretty good sign. But the key is that it's all about THE two of you, not about one of you. If things ever get unbalanced for an extended period of time, it' gets very difficult very quickly.

[Buslady7803]

Go with your gut feelings about this. Make it as romantic as possible, girls like that. I'd know. My hubby proposed to me in one of our schoolbuses his dad runs, because of a bus photo, we met. It started online then I met him IRL at a bus roadeo, it just went from there.
It was sweet.

a guy just rented one of our buses to propose to his girl a couple nights ago, he decorated it with balloons and streamers and stuff, and she said yes.

if you got the dough do something like that, it'd be memorable.

You're gonna be nervous, that's normal.

[groooooove]

Originally Posted by NoTalentHack

I do not recommend getting married.

hahaha..

[Absentia]

Wait...
Just wait
You don't gain much by getting married so there is no rush, make sure you both have finished school, started carriers and have all the rest of your stuff together.

Marriage is a business contract there's little more to it.
My wife and I were buying a house last year and pretty much came to the agreement that it'd be a good move, no lovey dovey proposal or expensive engagement ring, just a general decision (we had been dating for 10 years). We got married two weeks later (one week after opening day of course, my father wouldn;t have had that).

Lets see advise... advice
Make sure you two are compatible, iron out any thing you've kept inside and make sure they are resolved to where they aren't thought about, not just "okay sure... it's okay". Plan ahead, make sure you both have all the similar goals for life and for god's sake wait 3 years isn't anything you still don;t know who each other are.


And if I find out that you proposed on christmas, your anniversary, New Year's Eve, or valentines day I will find you and cover you in cheese.

[mike_v_s]

Originally Posted by Absentia

And if I find out that you proposed on christmas, your anniversary, or valentines day I will find you and cover you in cheese.

You could have thrown in New Year's Eve, I'm an adult.

Mike

[Absentia]

Originally Posted by mike_v_s

You could have thrown in New Year's Eve, I'm an adult.

Mike

Edited per suggestion lol.

[bass12]

Don't do it! Really, don't. You're twenty-two and still young. You and your girlfriend will likely change A LOT over the next ten years, and these changes may very well pull you in different directions. What's your hurry? If you're "meant" for each other, it will happen - even if it's ten years from now and you've been separated for a while. Have you been living together? I think it's very unwise to get married without having lived together first. There's a lot to experience out there and I think you'd be doing yourself a disservice by "settling down" at such an early age. And, yeah, most of the people I know who got married early in the last twenty-five years didn't last very long as a married couple. That's not to say it can't work, but society is fighting against you on that one. If she's the right one for you, she's not going to ditch you for any extended period of time so relax and enjoy your youth.

[kasanovakarl]

Originally Posted by playinpearls

What's a good age to get married?
When you feel you are ready.

Also any other incite, suggestions, and opinions would be greatly appreciated.
the key to marriage is to never stop dating your wife. You still have to woo her, after you've got her...

I think these are the two most important things to take out of the conversation so far. You, and only you, know when you are ready to be married and if you really, and truly, love the one you are with. If you have any doubts, then there's an issue you need to deal with and I would suggest waiting and figuring out why you aren't ready. It might be her, then again it may be you. Doubts are completely different than being nervous when you ask her to marry you, so don't confuse the two, they are not one in the same. Keep in mind you are young, I wasn't ready or even remotely capable (we all grow up at some point ) of being married at your age. Your twenties will show a lot of growth as you really learn about yourself, so don't be afraid to wait.

Once you decide to join the rest of the married men on here, don't forget that you still need to date your wife. Don't get me wrong, things do change, but you need to keep in mind why you fell in love and got married in the first place. So many people get married and forget about the effort they put into the relationship before they were married. Always remember to take time out for the two of you, even if you aren't married. Women won't change in the fact that they love romance, so if you keep the romance alive, it helps with everything else.

[G00D+~VIBES]

Getting married is a social contract. It should be viewed in that light, and entered upon accordingly. You would rather someone wake up each morning with a genuine wanting to be with you (and you them) rather than either of you feel obligated due to some ceremony you too part in when you were too green to know the true implications.

Have you spoken with her about this yet? That is a good sign. If you cannot have a conversation with HER about it yet, well, it's probably a bit too soon.

[Valerus]

The one thing you DON'T want to do is rush it. Just be absolutely positive about the girl and about the timing.

[James Hart]

been married twice... the first time I was dating a girl after a long while of being single. I had had my heart devastated by a girl whom I thought was my soulmate so I spent a few years alone. Anyway, the whole relationship with my first wife was a fog... she was just free of an abusive situation and we met through a mutual friend. We flirted a bit and ended up hooking up (she actually thought I might be gay because I ignored some of her first advancements). Anyway, it was sort of a rebound relationship for me and I just followed it where she wanted it to go...

I caught her cheating 3 months after the wedding (about 1.5 years from first date to wedding) with the final words on the relationship being that she wanted to be a Bride, not a wife but felt it too late once she realized it... and didn't want to hurt me

Anyway, my current wife was a completely different story... I instantly felt more for her than I did for my 'Soulmate' of years earlier. We were engaged in a month and living together within 2. I was 27 and she was 20... that was in 1995. We didn't actually get married until 3 years ago, but neither of us needed to make our commitment to each other binding in the eyes of a god... we did eventually need to make it legally binding in the eyes of the USA health insurance industry though. We have the same level of commitment to each other as we did in Oct of 1995, our wedding was a casual lunch at our favorite restaurant with a few friends and family and a person licensed to marry in the state on NJ.

I guess my point is, it's a good age when you are ready and sure;
it's a good time to ask when it best suits your vision of the deed AND the tolerances of your girl (like a shy introvert type might be overwhelmed by a outlandish public display... etc);
Nerves are natural, it should be one of the biggest steps a man ever takes;
time between is a variable. I think a year is a good number... leaves enough time to plan the day!

Beyond that, congrats! I hope she's the one for you AND you are the one for her

[Marley's Ghost]

Don't do it. Ever.

[Absentia]

Originally Posted by James Hart

been married twice... the first time I was dating a girl after a long while of being single. I had had my heart devastated by a girl whom I thought was my soulmate so I spent a few years alone. Anyway, the whole relationship with my first wife was a fog... she was just free of an abusive situation and we met through a mutual friend. We flirted a bit and ended up hooking up (she actually thought I might be gay because I ignored some of her first advancements). Anyway, it was sort of a rebound relationship for me and I just followed it where she wanted it to go...

I caught her cheating 3 months after the wedding (about 1.5 years from first date to wedding) with the final words on the relationship being that she wanted to be a Bride, not a wife but felt it too late once she realized it... and didn't want to hurt me

Anyway, my current wife was a completely different story... I instantly felt more for her than I did for my 'Soulmate' of years earlier. We were engaged in a month and living together within 2. I was 27 and she was 20... that was in 1995. We didn't actually get married until 3 years ago, but neither of us needed to make our commitment to each other binding in the eyes of a god... we did eventually need to make it legally binding in the eyes of the USA health insurance industry though. We have the same level of commitment to each other as we did in Oct of 1995, our wedding was a casual lunch at our favorite restaurant with a few friends and family and a person licensed to marry in the state on NJ.

I guess my point is, it's a good age when you are ready and sure;
it's a good time to ask when it best suits your vision of the deed AND the tolerances of your girl (like a shy introvert type might be overwhelmed by a outlandish public display... etc);
Nerves are natural, it should be one of the biggest steps a man ever takes;
time between is a variable. I think a year is a good number... leaves enough time to plan the day!

Beyond that, congrats! I hope she's the one for you AND you are the one for her

Wisdom as mighty as his beard.