Was I out of line?

GeneralElectric · #1 12-08-2011, 01:29 AM

I'm friends with this guy and his girlfriend. I'm friendly with both of them although with our current schedules, I don't really get to see much of either of them. His girlfriend is originally from California and visits her family in the LA area around xmas time every year.

I bought tickets to see a show in LA Dec. 18th with the Descendants, The Dickies, and the Vandals. I wrote on her FB wall that I was going and I asked if she a)wanted to go and b) would be in LA anyway. She then asked if I was going to LA just for the show, to which I replied "kinda." As in, why the hell would I go to LA when I'm broke otherwise.

Her boyfriend, whom I met first, tells me to lay off his girlfriend. He then deletes me from facebook and won't answer my calls or texts. Granted we haven't talked very much or hung out a lot lately due to our conflicting schedules this semester, but I always considered him a good friend.

I'm not really sure what I did wrong. I have ZERO interest in her. She's nice but not my type. My main motivation was to figure out what friends of mine were going to be in LA or thereabouts during that time frame so I could save money on room and board. Now it seems I'm on everyone's **** list.

Where did I go wrong TB?!

lowfreq33 · #2 12-08-2011, 02:02 AM

Tricky. I know you didn't mean anything by the invitation, but maybe they're having problems you don't know about, there's some insecurity, etc.

**bassybill** · #3 12-08-2011, 02:14 AM

Maybe you should have asked him first - sort of steered the conversation round to the fact that you'd be in LA for the show, would she be visiting family at that time, would he mind if you offered to take her with your extra ticket, and so on.

I've often hung out with friends' wives/gfs and had no problem (and vice versa when I was hooked up), but I always mention it to the guys before the event.

5StringBlues · #4 12-08-2011, 02:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeneralElectric

Where did I go wrong TB?!

Facebook

Tituscrow · #5 12-08-2011, 03:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 5StringBlues

Facebook

Bingo.

Facebook? Do not. Have not. Will never. The End.

Sublab · #6 12-08-2011, 04:25 AM

Facebook definitely. But as stated above. If he reacts like that then there's more going on. His reaction reeks of jealousy where there shouldn't be any. Probably trouble in their own kitchen.

5StringBlues · #7 12-08-2011, 04:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sublab

Probably trouble in their own kitchen.

Yup.That's the real deal right there. Sounds like there's already trust issues going on.

Joe Nerve · #8 12-08-2011, 04:37 AM

I think it's kinda tacky and thoughtless to do what you did. Most people probably would have run it by the dude before asking her. Or asked him if he wanted to go before asking her. I can't imagine myself asking a friends girlfriend to a concert without mentioning it to him. The way you claim you 'kinda' lost touch with him adds to it also. Especially since it seems you met her though him. Just seems weird. And the fact that it was all made public on facebook makes it major fail IMO.

I'd be writing a long email to my friend if I were you today.

RosieB · #9 12-08-2011, 04:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bassybill

Maybe you should have asked him first - sort of steered the conversation round to the fact that you'd be in LA for the show, would she be visiting family at that time, would he mind if you offered to take her with your extra ticket, and so on.

This.

Really nothing wrong with what you did in my mind, but some people are touchy and this is more diplomatic.

i_got_a_mohawk · #10 12-08-2011, 05:05 AM

Depends on who you are friendlier with.

I certainly wouldn't be running anything past my friends spouses. Why do you have to check with him that it's ok?

Maybe could have worded it a bit better. You could have made it clearer that you thought she might have been going that way anyway, and you were just looking for someone in the area to go to the gig with. Also, replying "kinda", could have been interpreted as "I kinda want to do sticky things with you".

Relic · #11 12-08-2011, 05:15 AM

Meh, just mentioning to him first would have been a better idea. Some people can construe not doing so as disrespectful, etc etc.
I would email the dude and explain.

clutchcarter · #12 12-08-2011, 05:26 AM

A good test of this kind of thing is...if you were married or in a serious relationship, how would your girl feel about you asking another girl to a concert? Or how would you feel about another guy asking your girl?

sandmangeck · #13 12-08-2011, 05:27 AM

I didn't see anything wrong with it.

CDweller · #14 12-08-2011, 05:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clutchcarter

A good test of this kind of thing is...if you were married or in a serious relationship, how would your girl feel about you asking another girl to a concert? Or how would you feel about another guy asking your girl?

It seems that what's good for the goose is not good for the gander when it comes to what girlfriends thought was ok for me to do.... girls tend to be intensely jealous. They know how devious other girls are when it comes to stealing mates.

Yes, I'm sexist.

I would not be cool with a friend asking my girlfriend or wife out somewhere without clearing it with me. Sorry, I'm old school. Have some respect.

Do you desire this girl?

**jmattbassplaya** · #15 12-08-2011, 05:41 AM

I don't see anything wrong with it but you probably should of ran it by the dude first. Put it this way, had he not seen the fb post and found out about the concert after the fact then you'd probably be in for a world of hurt.

carlos840 · #16 12-08-2011, 05:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joe Nerve

I think it's kinda tacky and thoughtless to do what you did. Most people probably would have run it by the dude before asking her. Or asked him if he wanted to go before asking her. I can't imagine myself asking a friends girlfriend to a concert without mentioning it to him. The way you claim you 'kinda' lost touch with him adds to it also. Especially since it seems you met her though him. Just seems weird. And the fact that it was all made public on facebook makes it major fail IMO.

I'd be writing a long email to my friend if I were you today.

+1 to all this!

If it was me i would be pissed to!

Also if your going to do things like that dont do it publicly!

rtslinger · #17 12-08-2011, 06:02 AM

I think you should have hit them both at the same time start out with I haven't seen either of you in a while so how are you guys? Then lead into the reason you are hit'n them up on facebook is bla,bla, bla that way you wouldn't ruffled any feathers no matter what issues they maybe having.imo

**SamanthaCay** · #18 12-08-2011, 06:14 AM

I for one think this has nothing to do with any of what has been mentioned in the above posts.

I mean, is it just me or is it that this guy is seriously jealous of your hammock?

Personally, if I had to choose between a guy with a hammock and a guy without I'd go for the hammock.

Seriously though, it's probably a more deep seeded jealousy issue the guy is having, and not just having to do with hammocks

L-A · #19 12-08-2011, 06:30 AM

I think you'd be out of line if you stepped into Facebook drama.

rr5025 · #20 12-08-2011, 06:34 AM

I don't think you did anything wrong. He's just being overtly jealous.