I'm in a predicament. Can someone offer me some advice.

Ilikejazzbass · #1 03-11-2010, 07:30 PM

Well I'm 19 and I'm pretty much a loner. I'll hang out with some people about once every couple of months, but nothing ever falls through. I have really bad acne and I think this turns people off. Maybe I unconciously push people away, but it just upsets me because I have no friends and it hurts because people don't seem to like me. What should I do? I play music with some guys, but thats all we do.

iamlowsound · #2 03-11-2010, 07:59 PM

Initiate something. The guys you play music with, ask them if they want to hang out after ect.

lowsound

Nappa · #3 03-11-2010, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ilikejazzbass

Well I'm 19 and I'm pretty much a loner. I'll hang out with some people about once every couple of months, but nothing ever falls through. I have really bad acne and I think this turns people off. Maybe I unconciously push people away, but it just upsets me because I have no friends and it hurts because people don't seem to like me. What should I do? I play music with some guys, but thats all we do.

There now you have something in common with them. I couldn't think of having fun playing with someone that wasn't a friend. (unless it was paid)

Jim Campbell · #4 03-11-2010, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ilikejazzbass

Well I'm 19 and I'm pretty much a loner. I'll hang out with some people about once every couple of months, but nothing ever falls through. I have really bad acne and I think this turns people off. Maybe I unconciously push people away, but it just upsets me because I have no friends and it hurts because people don't seem to like me. What should I do? I play music with some guys, but thats all we do.

go see a doctor about the acne,and work hard on the music if it's what you want to do.....people are drawn to someone with a talent

FL Knifemaker · #5 03-11-2010, 08:18 PM

I know that some people with acne don't get the results they expect from prescription meds. I'm no doctor but, from what I've seen it has to do with age. Some of the best acne prescriptions don't work very well on people in their teens. Once you hit your early twenties, something changes and the acne meds work really well............like.........AMAZINGLY well!! If you've had bad results at first, don't give up!!

L-A · #6 03-11-2010, 09:07 PM

Are you insecure? If you look confident, people want to talk to you. Insecure behavior foreshadows awkward conversations, so people avoid starting them.

Ilikejazzbass · #7 03-11-2010, 09:15 PM

Well I keep trying to initiate something, but these guys are always busy and they're about twice my age. I just get so damn confused about life. Where am I going to go what am I going to do? I take some strong meds for the acne. Nothing like accutane, but strong meds none the less and it just controls it somewhat. I am a little insecure, but not a ton. I just feel like there is this emotional barrier. Man I used to get so many girls and I used to have so many friends now its like I ain't got nobody. I mean day in and day out I try to talk to people at work or whatever and I try to be myself or sometimes I'll try to not be myself and it just doesn't fall through ever. Then I'll go to the mall and I see all these honey's walkin round and I think

All I want is one friend and one girl to hang out with. I used to pick em up well easy, but the times they are a changing.

And I'll walk around searchin for friends. I get down and pray to God to help me find friends. I look at myself in the mirror and tell myself I'll find a friend, but I never do.

I'm a lonely soul and I just wonder when this cycle will break.

MadMan118 · #8 03-11-2010, 09:26 PM

It gets better, if you stop moping about.

Ilikejazzbass · #9 03-11-2010, 09:32 PM

I mean you would mope too. Its not like I walk around moping all day long. I mope after 3 years of being alone. I think some cosmic universal force is preventing me from making friends.

Tim Cole · #10 03-11-2010, 09:56 PM

It's your attitude.

DudeistMonk · #11 03-11-2010, 09:57 PM

It's all a confidence game, especially with women. You have to believe you are the ****. If you don't then all bets are off. So fake it till you make it or do what it takes to fix the issue.

If the fix takes time then get distracted...just make it constructive, lots of bass, work, exercise. If you are distracted you come across as busy and not as mopey/depressed/creepy, this is crucial.

Also don't try, people know when you are trying and that's a warning sign too (I know that sounds stupid, how can you get better without trying etc. but its just like being in the pocket, you have to make it look effortless), you have to be nonchalant...and booze...Ohh how booze does help turn strangers into friends. Often times while distracted something good stumbles into me.

Watch Californication on show time, pay particular attention to David Duchovney's character, take notes.

Also this might be considered terrible advice but I've met more people smoking than any other way. Need an in... "Hey, do you have a light?" I've used that to talk to a girl even though I had a lighter and matches on me. Same thing with people who smoke other stuff too...they all tend to be a little eclectic and slightly off, which makes them rather accepting, and their droogas make them easy going....even if your not into their funny plants hippies are easy to befriend.

**jmattbassplaya** · #12 03-11-2010, 09:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ilikejazzbass

...I just get so damn confused about life. Where am I going to go what am I going to do? I take some strong meds for the acne. Nothing like accutane, but strong meds none the less and it just controls it somewhat. I am a little insecure, but not a ton. I just feel like there is this emotional barrier. Man I used to get so many girls and I used to have so many friends now its like I ain't got nobody...

That kinda sounds like me, actually (minus the acne). I dunno what it was but ever since I`ve gone off to college I`ve really closed up to the world. I`ve gone from being a really popular and outgoing guy who was always out with people to a guy who`d rather just stay in and read a book or just hang out with one or two close buds (and this is a rare thing). Even when I try to be outgoing nowadays I often fell short on getting anywhere past small chit-chat, whereas back in high school I`d be partying with the guy or gal by the next Friday.

I wish I could give you some advice, but I really haven`t gotten out of this stint myself. That said, I`m definitely not unhappy, either. Shoot me a PM if you ever want to just talk or whatever. Seeing as we`re the same age I`ll assume we both are going through the same things.

Ilikejazzbass · #13 03-11-2010, 10:04 PM

Thanks for the advice Matt. We actually both have the same first name too. Kind of a coincidence. I appreciate everybody's input. I can't believe I'm the ****. There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance and if a woman wants me to be something I'm not oh well. I guess thats why I don't score with the ladys.

Thanks for the empathy Matt. I appreciate it man

EBodious · #14 03-11-2010, 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ilikejazzbass

Well I keep trying to initiate something, but these guys are always busy and they're about twice my age. I just get so damn confused about life. Where am I going to go what am I going to do? I take some strong meds for the acne. Nothing like accutane, but strong meds none the less and it just controls it somewhat. I am a little insecure, but not a ton. I just feel like there is this emotional barrier. Man I used to get so many girls and I used to have so many friends now its like I ain't got nobody. I mean day in and day out I try to talk to people at work or whatever and I try to be myself or sometimes I'll try to not be myself and it just doesn't fall through ever. Then I'll go to the mall and I see all these honey's walkin round and I think

All I want is one friend and one girl to hang out with. I used to pick em up well easy, but the times they are a changing.

And I'll walk around searchin for friends. I get down and pray to God to help me find friends. I look at myself in the mirror and tell myself I'll find a friend, but I never do.

I'm a lonely soul and I just wonder when this cycle will break.

when was it that you felt popular? what changed since then?

i know it is hard to hear, but you are very young; you have a long life ahead. please try to stay open to change, it really does happen (but often not on your time table).

i recently went thru a time of loneliness and change and a good friend told me to take care of myself. as was said a few posts up, people notice when you try too hard. take this time as a personal growth opportunity. i know it sounds counter-intuitive and even cheesy, but if you work on you, and take care of you, others will be attracted to you. this is a great time to work on your musicianship, maybe work out as well (wish i had at your age). find a genre you like and read a lot.

and stay open to opportunity, who knows maybe you will travel. i had to work to not give in to cynicism and hate. it is so not worth it. again, sounds cheesy but, if you stay positive and optimistic your life will be positive and optimistic. if you succumb to pessimism you will reap what you have sown.

ok, that was a little preachy. bottom line: the first step is reaching out to others and acknowledging your concerns. you are doing that, and that means you are gonna be ok.

really.

people who spiral down don't realize they are doing it. stay conscious. and don't be hard on yourself! treat yourself well, treat others well and it will pay back.

Ilikejazzbass · #15 03-11-2010, 10:17 PM

I realize I'm young. I know I am very young and I have a lot to learn. And your also right about the downward spiral thing. I've been told that before too. One reason I play music is because it lifts my spirit and its a social thing you know. I'm just going to keep pluggin away and hope for the best.

Ilikejazzbass · #16 03-11-2010, 10:17 PM

I get so nervous around people too and I'm a big guy so they probably get nervous. I can't help it. I feel the blood rush to my face and my acne gets all inflamed. Ha. I mean. Its a bummer. I think once my hormones settle down I'll feel more comfortable around people.

DudeistMonk · #17 03-11-2010, 10:24 PM

Ohh one more thing... Take up swimming in a public pool for a month. When I used to teach swimming (15-19) I never ever got zits...recently (in my mid twenties) I've had few, but when I was constantly in that chlorine the zits didn't stand a chance. Stuff is like paint thinner for your face.

bohemond · #18 03-11-2010, 10:24 PM

You might want to see a mental health professional you migh have some form of depression, I'm not trying to be funny either

EBodious · #19 03-11-2010, 10:25 PM

do you live in a populated place or a small town?

there is someone out there for all of us. i agree that being confident does not mean scamming on women. be yourself and have the courage to let the rite person come into your life.

good luck.

Stumbo · #20 03-11-2010, 10:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bohemond

You might want to see a mental health professional you migh have some form of depression, I'm not trying to be funny either

+1

This is something you should seriously consider based on my experiences.

I would also check in with your medical doctor and get checked out to rule out any medical conditions.

Don't wait. Life's too short to feel crappy all the time.