I'm really bummed out.

Axtman · #1 12-10-2011, 01:47 PM

In a few months I will be 50 and have little to show for it. I got fired last year from a job that I had for 10 years. So at the new job I am now at the bottom of the heap. It is discouraging to see people that are younger than me get promoted and pass me by.

Also I am not married, never was, no kids. I am envious of those who have children and wives. I really thought by now I would have a family.

Also I have few friends. I too am envious when I see pictures on Facebook of people who still keep up with their friends from college and high school.

I guess that I should be thankful that I am healthy and have a warm place to sleep at night....even though the house payments are a burden.

Bloodhammer · #2 12-10-2011, 02:36 PM

Everyone doesn't have to live the American Dream. There are a lot of things behind that white picket fence that you may regret upon acquiring...

I think a lot of what you envy speaks more about how you feel about yourself than what you have or don't have. The job situation sucks and I can understand how that would rattle your self-worth and put you in a funk, so it's possible that you're seeing families and people's facebook status from a skewed perspective of idealism - everyone seems so happy compared to you. I could be entirely wrong, though.

This may seem ridiculous, but try to look at this way: You're free to to what you want (within the law, of course) and can exit a bad relationship without going to court and/or screwing up someone's childhood. You don't have any anchors, really, so nothing is holding you back from pursuing your goals except for income. (Which, once again sucks. I don't think anyone can unchain themselves from that anchor, though.)

MJ5150 · #3 12-10-2011, 03:03 PM

Keep focusing on what you have, not what you don't.

-Mike

Salizander · #4 12-10-2011, 03:14 PM

Hey, at least there's one life decision that you gotta feel good about: you chose the correct & best instrument to play!

BassSaxMan · #5 12-10-2011, 03:23 PM

I guarantee you there are 50 year olds who wish they could be single instead of having their current wife and kids. Just sayin'.

Mike M. · #6 12-10-2011, 03:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MJ5150

Keep focusing on what you have, not what you don't.

-Mike

That's the way to do it! A lot of those "white picket fences" either need paint or need to have a lot of boards replaced.

While there are a lot of success stories out there, there's a lot more unhappiness out there in more "homes" these days. I have a life long friend who's the head of a automotive prototype department, makes a HUGE paycheck, house is payed for, money in the bank, loyal husband and father....two months ago his wife said she wanted out and filed for divorce.

As MJ said, focus on what you have.

skychief · #7 12-10-2011, 03:33 PM

ahh, the grass is always greener on the other side.

I dont regret getting married and having children, but man, sometimes i long for the good 'ol days when the only care in the world i had was the house note.

GAS was out of control. . . had so many basses, i wasnt really sure how many i had.

Anyways, like the above posts, sometimes you need to count your blessings, few though they may seem.

mellowinman · #8 12-10-2011, 09:50 PM

Just to give you some perspective, I have a friend who is less than fifty, and he's dying from cancer.

change-jug · #9 12-10-2011, 09:56 PM

Hey you`re not alone! Every one gets bummed out over some thing. Lets look at the upsides you`ve got 1) A home!
2) a job!
3) a hobby that`s fun! (bass playing!)
4) you said you have young ladies at work? Awesome! Eye candy for the spank bank!
5) No kids!!!!!!!
Dude,go take a vacation and see the world(or more of the US)!
The grass is always greener on the other side and people always want what they don`t have. Just make the most of it.
6) Think of all the money you`re saving not having to buy gifts for the missus and those crappy spoiled kids!!!

Lee H · #10 12-10-2011, 10:12 PM

Sometimes having what you desired and dreamed of just means that you have more to lose...
at 26 years old, I was married to a model, and was driving a 67 ferrari dino (my dream car), and had a beautiful home. My wife was diabetic, but that was under control until she got pregnant. My daughter was delivered via emergency C section, at 7 months. My wife never recovered. She passed away at age 36, when my daughter was 4 years old. My ferrari, my porsche and my '70 chevelle SS 396 had to be sold to pay DR bills that insurance would not cover. Before it was all over, I had to sell my house as well.
To be honest, the experience changed me. I became somewhat cynical, and I do not allow many people close to me. It has been 8 years, and I still have nightmares about my wife in the hospital.

Please do not apologize or pity me. That does not help. If you can take anything from my story, just know that you can always start over, no matter how hard it seems. Know that sometimes little things help. I bought a rough 81 corvette, it was nothing special, to me, but I am a gearhead. That car has come to represent a new beginning to me. I keep it because it reminds me that no matter what I lose. there is always a place to start building again. I do not drive it much, but it is there any time I get depressed

MakiSupaStar · #11 12-10-2011, 10:13 PM

The answer to your problem is sexy Asian chicks. Go.

Time Monkey · #12 12-10-2011, 10:15 PM

What maki said.

I was feeling kind of bummed. then i realized i was looking quite a bit like a bum... so I went and bought some new jeans... and i feel pretty sexy.

change-jug · #13 12-10-2011, 10:15 PM

Any sexy Asian chicks at work? Even better!!!!

carlthegroover · #14 12-10-2011, 10:45 PM

I'm 20 years your junior, but I'm already ruling out having any kids. I do want a wife, but in order to get one I need to find a woman who also wants to remain childfree (and also a woman who is more open and doesn't need all the flirting stuff... I have absolutely no game). And that's tough. Besides, I don't think I wanna live beyond 60 (depending on my health at that time), so remaining childfree is a good way to avoid pain and grief in those you leave behind (which are often the kids)

Also, I don't have that many friends myself, but that's because I'm an introvert and I no longer feel bad about it. In fact, I'm fine whenever I'm alone. As long as I have the occasional human interaction (which right now is mostly with my band) I'm good. I only need to get a job, a dog (and a girlfriend) and I'm set...

I'd personally say your life is fine (close to mine in standards), and you shouldn't feel like that. I mean, you have to remember you're also a bass player, and that makes you a member of a very specific, privileged (should I say elite?) group. And you must also have enough time and money to do what you please (of course, within your budget). IOW, you're free, my friend.

Life throws curbs to all of us, at any age (I suppose). Maybe it's time for you to find something else to find meaning in, but also to accept your life for what it is.

**pacojas** · #15 12-10-2011, 11:04 PM

life is hard and then you die...

Dr. Cheese · #16 12-10-2011, 11:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MJ5150

Keep focusing on what you have, not what you don't.

-Mike

Always remember the quote above. My wife and I have had some career and financial hiccups over the last five years.
The bottom line is that lately it seems that everyone has more money than we do. I know that this situation is temporary because once we reduce old bills, our income will be quite comfortable, and I am making slow but steady progress on my book. Still, the process is long and tedious. I wish the book was finished and the old bills were already paid!

MakiSupaStar · #17 12-10-2011, 11:20 PM

Hahahaha. Hey Buzz Killingtons! SEXY ASIAN CHICKS. GO. All the other stuff is just logistics.

Damn. I could have sworn I typed that already.

BBox Bass · #18 12-10-2011, 11:47 PM

As several others have observed, the grass is always greener on the other side and you should focus on what you do have or else you'll be miserable. I'm 40, single, childfree, and have very few friends. For a long time I thought something was wrong with me for not actively pursuing friends, partners, and children, but eventually I came to the conclusion that I am one of those people who prefers to spend most of their time alone and everything I've done over my lifetime has led me to where I am now. I can be sociable, but at the end of the day, I like going home to a quiet house occupied only by my 3 cats.

In our society, the default is to want the spouse, kids, and circle of friends. There's certainly nothing wrong with that, but it's only one of many possible ways to live. To the OP, step back and take stock of what you have. If you find that it's not enough, ask yourself why that is. On the other hand, you may also discover that you have more than you initially thought you did.

BTW, how many of those folks on FB do you think are really that in touch with people they knew in high school and college, and how many of them are just trying to make everyone else think that they have tons of friends? I suspect that for a lot of them, the connection is merely superficial. Don't beat yourself up over it!

MakiSupaStar · #19 12-10-2011, 11:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BBox Bass

As several others have observed, the grass is always greener on the other side and you should focus on what you do have or else you'll be miserable. I'm 40, single, childfree, and have very few friends. For a long time I thought something was wrong with me for not actively pursuing friends, partners, and children, but eventually I came to the conclusion that I am one of those people who prefers to spend most of their time alone and everything I've done over my lifetime has led me to where I am now. I can be sociable, but at the end of the day, I like going home to a quiet house occupied only by my 3 cats.

In our society, the default is to want the spouse, kids, and circle of friends. There's certainly nothing wrong with that, but it's only one of many possible ways to live. To the OP, step back and take stock of what you have. If you find that it's not enough, ask yourself why that is. On the other hand, you may also discover that you have more than you initially thought you did.

BTW, how many of those folks on FB do you think are really that in touch with people they knew in high school and college, and how many of them are just trying to make everyone else think that they have tons of friends? I suspect that for a lot of them, the connection is merely superficial. Don't beat yourself up over it!

This. Exactly what I was saying.

Sublab · #20 12-11-2011, 04:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Axtman

In a few months I will be 50 and have little to show for it. I got fired last year from a job that I had for 10 years. So at the new job I am now at the bottom of the heap. It is discouraging to see people that are younger than me get promoted and pass me by.

I think you need to cut that envy off. I will not say it's easy, but people tend to get blinded by what others seemingly achieve. It gets even worse when those stepping up start having big mouths about it. I've seen people surpass me in my last job and it irritated me. Nowadays I just don't care anymore. I go to work for the money it earns me and life starts when I get home again. The corporate world is overrated anyway.

Friends is something else. Maybe you could look out for TB get togethers? I could'nt imagine being without my friends and certainly not without my band.