Insulted by a friend. How would you handle it?

Kwesi · #1 12-30-2011, 04:13 PM

So me and a friend were supposed to hang today but I spaced out pretty hard and forgot to tell him when to come over. When I hopped on Facebook to tell him all systems go, I saw this:

Not gonna lie, it hurt. I'm not dying or anything but it kinda sucks that someone I consider a good friend would say that. Even more so because he didn't come to me about it. Admittedly, I'm a flaky guy. I'm lazy and absentminded a lot of the time (workin' on it) but if there's an issue between me and another person I'd much rather they come to me than just shout it into the cosmos. Never had someone call me a git before but I figure it's a catch-all insult and not something you'd call a friend unless you're joking around. He wasn't. For the time being, I told him not to worry about coming over today. I plan on talking to him later after he's had some time to chill and hopefully think about it a bit.

I'm not gonna end our friendship over something like this but how would you guys handle a similar situation? It's definitely not a position I'm used to being in.

PerlNinja · #2 12-30-2011, 04:30 PM

Well, if I were you (which I'm not... I think), I'd probably post a reply to that status update. And probably mention that if he feels that strongly about things that maybe a change of company is due, especially considering he hasn't got the balls to tell you this to your face.

LiquidMidnight · #3 12-30-2011, 04:34 PM

If you value him as a friend, then you should definitely talk to him. Personally, flakiness drives me batty. I wouldn't have posted a FB update about it, but I would have been royally annoyed.

nortonrider · #4 12-30-2011, 04:36 PM

wipe a booger on him.

(discretely of course)

electracoyote · #5 12-30-2011, 04:37 PM

"Git" I love it!

I think I'd find that more amusing that hurtful.

Git! LOLOLOL What is he, an extra for Monty Python?

Tell the bloody wanker to get stuffed.

MJ5150 · #6 12-30-2011, 04:39 PM

I don't come from a generation where people aired their dirty laundry on the internet, so this is hard for me to relate to.

But anyways.....the truth hurts, don't it? Be more worried about changing your reputation than if you should be upset with someone that was honest with you.

-Mike

Joey3313 · #7 12-30-2011, 04:40 PM

Get your s**t together, and there won't be an issue.

Sorry bud, just sayin'.

And people whine all cryptic like on Facebook all the time. At least the dude had some sense of decency and didn't really call you out.

FrenchBassQC · #8 12-30-2011, 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PerlNinja

Well, if I were you (which I'm not... I think), I'd probably post a reply to that status update. And probably mention that if he feels that strongly about things that maybe a change of company is due, especially considering he hasn't got the balls to tell you this to your face.

+1 The beauty of social networking at it's best, that why I hate DJ's ... not the real stuff ....

Skitch it! · #9 12-30-2011, 04:45 PM

Put yourself in his shoes, how many times have you stood him up, and if it were you what would you think about it.

HaMMerHeD · #10 12-30-2011, 04:45 PM

Eh, friends come and go....but mostly, they go. It seems to me that he doesn't value your friendship as much as you, and perhaps your self-confessed flakiness and laziness bothers him more than he lets on. Perhaps you would rather he came to you about it, but some people aren't comfortable confronting others with what they see as personality defects.

I have a "friend" who is habitually tardy. He is late for...well...everything. And it's not like he's 10 or 15 minutes late. That would be annoying, but tolerable. He is hours late. He was late for his wife's funeral, for @#$%'s sake. It makes him fundamentally unreliable, and if you can't rely on your "friends", what good are they? Anyway...he knows and acknowledges that he's always late, and he knows and acknowledges that it is a problem for those around him. But he has made no effort to change that behavior, so I make no effort to include him in anything, or really to be a friend to him at all. He knows it bothers me, but doesn't seem to care. I don't feel it's my place to call him out on it, so I just don't bother with him much anymore. Maybe your friend has similar thoughts.

ShredderMaximus · #11 12-30-2011, 04:47 PM

1. Get video camera, brown paper bag, lighter, and dog poop
2. Step 2 shouldn't need to be explained.
3. Upload video to youtube and share with everyone on FB
4. ????
5. Profit.

Calling him a "Ye olde Tallywhacker" somewhere in the mix for bonus points.

lowfreq33 · #12 12-30-2011, 04:47 PM

Half of all Facebook statuses are non-specific passive-aggressive comments. Nothing unusual here.

Kwesi · #13 12-30-2011, 04:49 PM

Yeah, I definitely need the shed the flakiness. No question there. I actually haven't ever stood him up before. It's more like I'll say we'll hang at 2PM but it won't happen till 4. That's happened a few times but mostly because of my parents asking me to run a quick errand. When it comes down to it though, if someone needs me I'll be there.

Skitch it! · #14 12-30-2011, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShredderMaximus

Calling him a "Ye olde Tallywhacker" somewhere in the mix for bonus points.

This sub-diffusion, I like it

arbitrary · #15 12-30-2011, 04:54 PM

don't. be. a. flake.

Kwesi · #16 12-30-2011, 04:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lowfreq33

Half of all Facebook statuses are non-specific passive-aggressive comments. Nothing unusual here.

Lol, I'd agree with that. I've never had one directed at me before though.

ShredderMaximus · #17 12-30-2011, 05:02 PM

On a more serious note, I think this guy is being a weiner. I mean, from the sounds of it, its just a couple of early 20's dudes getting together to just bs, not a business meeting. S*** happens, he shouldn't get so butthurt over such a little thing. Now if you guys were planning on going and hitting up a show or something, than thats different,but just a day of chillin, naw, he's out of line imo. Also, why couldn't he call you? A simple "Hey dude, what time did you want to meet up?" would have sufficed, but he chose to take the whiny adolescent girl route. Your not in the wrong, and don't let him believe that you think you are. Since its not woman related, the friendship will bounce back in no time.

Pilgrim · #18 12-30-2011, 05:16 PM

I would absolutely not respond on Facebook. I'd talk with him in person.

If this is the first time you have ever done this with him, it's not warranted.

BUT - you say you're a flaky guy. If so, you may have earned it. In that case, it's time to learn from it, own it, and re-consider your own habits.

If your parents send you out to do something (not sure why this would happen) and you have an appointment with a friend, call them immediately and let them know there's a change in plans.

**jmattbassplaya** · #19 12-30-2011, 05:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PerlNinja

Well, if I were you (which I'm not... I think), I'd probably post a reply to that status update. And probably mention that if he feels that strongly about things that maybe a change of company is due, especially considering he hasn't got the balls to tell you this to your face.

Yeah... no.

Call him up and say you're sorry and that you can plan to hang out some other day. Tell him you're absent minded and that he can and should call you to confirm and set a time because you might forget (you're human after all).

**jmattbassplaya** · #20 12-30-2011, 05:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kwesi

Lol, I'd agree with that. I've never had one directed at me before though.

Fixed that for you

I'll delete that if you want me too, btw