It's been entirely too long since I last made a thread griping about my parents.

[Kwesi]

Not really griping but I'm curious; how do you parent-types react to your kid saying leaving the house to help a friend with something?

Both mom and dad have this tendency to stank face the hell out of us and say something along the lines of "You don't need to help them!" or "Let them call their own family."

Is that how friendship works when you're a responsible adult/parent or something? Cuz it seems super lame.

[Stumbo]

My parents never asked me where or what I was doing after about 15 as long as I kept my grades up.

For my own kid, pretty much the same though she checked in (on her own) with us on a regular basis.

As far as helping friends, IMO, that's what friends are for, especially if you're in a band. That's part of bonding with your friends.

How do your parents know your friends have family to call?

I agree with you on the the "super lame" part because it really not teaching good social skills. What if you needed help on something when your family isn't around? When your parents are gone and everyone is older, how much help will your siblings be when they're all working, have families, move away and they have their own problems? Who you gonna call then?

Your parents have one way of looking at things and you have another. It's your personal preference to help out your friends. I don't know if pointing this out to them would help get the stank off their faces but it might at least open up a dialog about it. If they don't change then it's up to you to let the stank roll off your back and not react to it and go about helping your friends because it mean something to you.

For me and my good friends, I'd be there in a heart beat if they needed my help, no questions asked. They know that and they also would be there for me if I needed them. It's part of the trust we share among us and since each of us have different skills, it's always helpful to get an opinion from someone you trust and vice versa.

Good luck.

[Jazz Ad]

When some "friends" tend to abuse friendship and constantly take profit off your children, parents see it and at some point it becomes infuriating because well, you don't want people to use your kids.

Note that paren'ts aren't always right, because they only see a part of what's happening, but they also have a life long habit of being surrounded by people who try to use them. As you get older you detect the phenomenon quicker.

This said, I'd be reluctant to put myself in the way of my son trying to help somebody.

[TOOL460002]

It's your business who you give your kidneys to. Tell 'em to back off. Money, however, tends to screw up friendships or help you figure out who your friends are. Be smart.

[pedroims]

I dont see any problem helping friends assuming that you help your family first: mow the lawn, wash your clothes, clean the house etc. Now if you are always complanining with your chores at home but you are ready to ''help'' your friends then that is super lame.

[4dog]

Depends on the "friends" they are helping, i want them all to be cool, but us parents got a sixth sense about your friends. Well maybe not yours but ya get the jist.

[Munjibunga]

What kind of help?

[guitar ed]

I guess it all depends. My daughter is 11yo, so when we run into this situation it's usually about school work.

In that case, is my daughter being asked to help, or being asked to do it? I like the fact that my daughter is willing to help. But sometimes, it crosses the line.

edg

[AaronMB]

Originally Posted by Munjibunga

What kind of help?

Indeed.

In the late teen years, I was just a bit of a trouble maker--and so was my father, I later came to find--so, "I'm going to help _____" sometimes really meant, "I'm off to do something I probably shouldn't do, but don't worry, I'll be back in a few; never mind the red, glossy eyes."

Of course, parents will never appreciate their child's friends taking advantage of them, either.

[MarkMgibson]

I don't know your age, but when I was in my teens, if a friend needed help, that took precedence over anything. 30+ years later, many of those people are still my closest friends. Sometimes parents just don't understand (I'm 46, by the way).

That being said, I always drew the line at revenge, or any sort of violence. So I guess it depends on what you're talking about.

[1958Bassman]

Originally Posted by Kwesi

Not really griping but I'm curious; how do you parent-types react to your kid saying leaving the house to help a friend with something?

Both mom and dad have this tendency to stank face the hell out of us and say something along the lines of "You don't need to help them!" or "Let them call their own family."

Is that how friendship works when you're a responsible adult/parent or something? Cuz it seems super lame.

Ask yourself:

Do your parents have a lot of friends? If so, do they help each other, or just do things together, occasionally? If not, this attitude may be why.

If you help them, you should be able to ask them for help, or this may be you returning the help from a previous occasion.

Being able to count on people when you all need them isn't a bad thing, as long as nobody takes advantage of anyone else, like someone I worked with. He thought nothing of asking people for help with things he should have been able to do for himself, then not be available when others would ask for his help.

When I was younger, I would always help others move and it was understood that they would help when I moved. This is basically called 'barter' and it's not a bad system- trading something of similar value and agreeing on the equality without money changing hands isn't a bad thing because money can cause problems between people who were good friends.

[mellowinman]

Originally Posted by Kwesi

Not really griping but I'm curious; how do you parent-types react to your kid saying leaving the house to help a friend with something?

Both mom and dad have this tendency to stank face the hell out of us and say something along the lines of "You don't need to help them!" or "Let them call their own family."

Is that how friendship works when you're a responsible adult/parent or something? Cuz it seems super lame.

Your parents are right. Listen to them!

[Bloodhammer]

Originally Posted by Kwesi

Not really griping but I'm curious; how do you parent-types react to your kid saying leaving the house to help a friend with something?

Both mom and dad have this tendency to stank face the hell out of us and say something along the lines of "You don't need to help them!" or "Let them call their own family."

Is that how friendship works when you're a responsible adult/parent or something? Cuz it seems super lame.

I'm not a parent, but as I got older, I started realizing that my friends were pretty much useless whenever I needed something from them. They had no problem asking me for rides and beer, but as soon as I needed help with a move or something, they were suddenly too busy.

Life lesson: You can only count on friends to let you down. Your parents have likely already lived and learned this and don't want you to be the sucker in your clique.

[spade2you]

Kwesi!!! Kwesi, if you screw this up, I'ma keel you!

[hrodbert696]

Depends - did you say "I'm going to go help someone with something," or did you say "I'm going to go help Joe with his new widget, be back by nine?" I have teenagers, if they wanted to dodge out of the house with a vague murmur that didn't really tell me who they were going to be with, what they were doing, and when I should expect them back, I would definitely ask that information. If the kids had a pattern of hanging out with people they shouldn't, doing things they shouldn't (hasn't been an issue with mine so far, knock on wood), I would put my foot down about it and not let them take off with vagaries like that. But if I had the right information and knew my kids were trustworthy, no, I wouldn't get on their case about it.

[LiquidMidnight]

Some people have a very isolationist view of the world that even goes down to the micro level. And many do try and push that attitude down to their children.

Being taken advantage of is something that sucks, but it's really something that you have to take on an individual basis. Some people are pereptual takers and never givers; my philosophy has always been to cut those people out as soon as their nature is known. But that doesn't mean you should negate to help people in the future or just on the basis that there's a chance you may be taken advantage of.

[zachoff]

Depends if said friend is a trustworthy friend. In most cases I'd be OK with them going to help a friend, but there are a couple places that I'd rather they not be... Sometimes I don't trust the friend but most of the time it's because of sketchy parents.

[jmattbassplaya]

Originally Posted by Bloodhammer

I'm not a parent, but as I got older, I started realizing that my friends were pretty much useless whenever I needed something from them. They had no problem asking me for rides and beer, but as soon as I needed help with a move or something, they were suddenly too busy.

Life lesson: You can only count on friends to let you down. Your parents have likely already lived and learned this and don't want you to be the sucker in your clique.

It actually just sounds like you've just had some really crappy friends. Not all people are like that.

[Floyd Eye]

I agree. It has been too long.

[Bloodhammer]

Originally Posted by jmattbassplaya

It actually just sounds like you've just had some really crappy friends. Not all people are like that.

May be. But I have found that it's faster for me to just go ahead and do something myself and get it over with than wait on someone who says they'll help to finally show up and do so. Other people like to take breaks, too.

Could be I'm just a hardass and people avoid helping me because I make them work...