It's been entirely too long since I last made a thread griping about my parents.

[Bassic Playing]

May be. But I have found that it's faster for me to just go ahead and do something myself and get it over with than wait on someone who says they'll help to finally show up and do so. Other people like to take breaks, too

If I am in need of assistance my friends materialize pretty rapidly...

If your not willing to help your friends, why are they your friends?

[Kwesi]

Originally Posted by Munjibunga

What kind of help?

Well in this case, my brother's buddy's car broke down.

Thanks for the responses ya'll. Just trying to get a feel for how it is. It's just always struck me as weird that their reaction to us going to help our friends is pretty consistently negative.

I guess I can see the "We don't want our kids being used." train of thought but it doesn't seem to happen enough for that to be on the table?

[two fingers]

Originally Posted by Munjibunga

What kind of help?

Exactly this. We need a lot more context to answer anything here. There is a HUGE difference in going to help your heroin addicted friend move into his dope dealer cousins house at 10pm on a Monday night in a really bad neighborhood, and going to help your straight-A friend record church music at the church with adult supervision on a Sunday afternoon with all your homework/chores done. And there is a HUGE grey area in between that could sway your being right or wrong one way or the other. But just "helping a friend" is NOT always good, safe, practical, or even the right thing to do depending on a lot of context.

[Munjibunga]

Originally Posted by Kwesi

Well in this case, my brother's buddy's car broke down.

Thanks for the responses ya'll. Just trying to get a feel for how it is. It's just always struck me as weird that their reaction to us going to help our friends is pretty consistently negative.

I guess I can see the "We don't want our kids being used." train of thought but it doesn't seem to happen enough for that to be on the table?

Dunno. Sounds OK to me, unless you're paying for repairs or something. I've pulled strangers out of the ditch on a rainy night. I didn't feel like I was being used.

[MarkMgibson]

Originally Posted by Munjibunga

Dunno. Sounds OK to me, unless you're paying for repairs or something. I've pulled strangers out of the ditch on a rainy night. I didn't feel like I was being used.

Man, if it wasn't for friends helping me out, I'd have spent half my life sitting on the side of the road. As one of the other's said, "if they're you friends, you should absolutely be helping them out, and vice versa" (or something to that effect). Helping a mate with a broken down car - I wouldn't think twice about it, though these days, most friends just call a tow truck.

Still, I was young once, and couldn't count the number of times friends got me out of the "proverbial". Otherwise, what's the point of having friends?

[Phalex]

I used to get the same thing from my parents.

Of course I was usually helping my friends smoke a big bag of weed, or maybe drink a butt load of beer......

[4dog]

How old is Kwesi anyway? Age and other things affect a decent and helpful answer.

[LarryO]

Profile says that you are 21. If that is correct then none of this matters. You're an adult. Move out and get your own house and own rules. If you can't, and you have to rely on your parents then deal with it. They are entitled to act the way they want in their house.

[Kwesi]

Originally Posted by LarryO

Profile says that you are 21. If that is correct then none of this matters. You're an adult. Move out and get your own house and own rules. If you can't, and you have to rely on your parents then deal with it. They are entitled to act the way they want in their house.

This isn't a thread about what I'm allowed or not allowed to do. Just looking for thoughts. I'm not looking to change my parents. They've been however they are for as long as I've been alive so I doubt I could if I wanted to but this isn't a big deal.

[two fingers]

THEY (your parents) have the advantage of context. They have been around the block enough times to "sense" things that you simply can't because of the lack of experience. They probably ask themselves all the time "Why does that kid think he knows everything when he hasn't done enough to have everything figured out yet?" This problem certainly isn't new to you. Many of us thought our parents were dipsticks when we were teenagers and into our lower 20s. Later, once WE had been around the block a few times, we came to realize they weren't so stupid after all. They know more than you do, period. Get over it. We all had to.

It perspective. That's all.

[LarryO]

at least they didn't sent you to live with your aunty and uncle in bellair

[Kwesi]

Originally Posted by two fingers

THEY (your parents) have the advantage of context. They have been around the block enough times to "sense" things that you simply can't because of the lack of experience. They probably ask themselves all the time "Why does that kid think he knows everything when he hasn't done enough to have everything figured out yet?" This problem certainly isn't new to you. Many of us thought our parents were dipsticks when we were teenagers and into our lower 20s. Later, once WE had been around the block a few times, we came to realize they weren't so stupid after all. They know more than you do, period. Get over it. We all had to.

It perspective. That's all.

Oh, I think you've got me mistaken! I don't think my parents are dipsticks. I KNOW they are . Kidding of course. This situation isn't nearly that serious.

[Kwesi]

Originally Posted by LarryO

at least they didn't sent you to live with your aunty and uncle in bellair

If only, haha!

[UncleFluffy]

Have you sat down and asked them why they're saying the things they do? Do they say it for all of your friends or just some of them? What did they say?

[Kwesi]

Originally Posted by UncleFluffy

Have you sat down and asked them why they're saying the things they do? Do they say it for all of your friends or just some of them? What did they say?

Yeah, I've tried asking why before but I the responses I always get seem really general and not necessarily based on the actual friend.

[LiquidMidnight]

Originally Posted by two fingers

THEY (your parents) have the advantage of context. They have been around the block enough times to "sense" things that you simply can't because of the lack of experience. They probably ask themselves all the time "Why does that kid think he knows everything when he hasn't done enough to have everything figured out yet?" This problem certainly isn't new to you. Many of us thought our parents were dipsticks when we were teenagers and into our lower 20s. Later, once WE had been around the block a few times, we came to realize they weren't so stupid after all. They know more than you do, period. Get over it. We all had to.

It perspective. That's all.

When I was young, I used to think that a lot of my elders were full of crap. Now that I'm older, I look back and realize that...

...a lot of my elders were full of crap. I kind of went the opposite way as I've become older. When I was a kid, I thought that my parents knew everything. Then I realized that my parents actually didn't know everything and were sometimes flat out wrong about certain things.

[Bloodhammer]

Originally Posted by Bassic Playing

If I am in need of assistance my friends materialize pretty rapidly...

If your not willing to help your friends, why are they your friends?

My current friends - what little I have - might help me if they have the means. Usually, I'm the one with the big truck and I haven't really needed any help for a while.

My old friends that I no longer talk to were great at helping me get in trouble, but no help getting me out. I hung around a kind of bad crowd as a teenager.

Kwesi, do your parents usually frown at your friends when they come over? Like you've just let in a gang of road warriors? Maybe they think your friends are weird?

[jugglingfreak]

Originally Posted by Kwesi

Not really griping but I'm curious; how do you parent-types react to your kid saying leaving the house to help a friend with something?.

It depends on what kind of "help" we're talking.

Are you going to help them change a flat, clean their apartment, etc.? No problem.

Are you going to help them rob a bank, hide a body, etc. Not OK.


And I personally frown on my daughter loaning anyone money.. I got burned a lot when I was her age and I've never recovered enough to trust loaning money to anyone..

[Kwesi]

Originally Posted by Bloodhammer

Kwesi, do your parents usually frown at your friends when they come over? Like you've just let in a gang of road warriors? Maybe they think your friends are weird?

Dad, not really. Mom hits just about everyone with some serious side-eye. My friends are totally weird, lol, but they're also great people. I'm rarely in a position where I need help but if ever do, I know they'd be there.

Though both dad and mom tend to keep a closer eye on my brother's friends.

[LiquidMidnight]

Originally Posted by jugglingfreak

And I personally frown on my daughter loaning anyone money.. I got burned a lot when I was her age and I've never recovered enough to trust loaning money to anyone..

Loaning someone money is definitely a different type of "helping" than helping someone work on their car or move into a new apartment or study for a test. There's a lot of weird social baggage that comes with loaning money that can make relationships turn very weird.