No real point to this thread beyond the fact that I wanted to vent my current predicament/excitement for the future. I've come to learn that the majority of Talkbass posters are mature and supportive, and I'd like to hear responses to my tale. I apologize for the long life story, but I feel like I have to get it out there. Here it goes:
I'm 20 years old and living in Baltimore, Maryland. I have been attending college at University of Maryland, Baltimore County and simultaneously working for the Department of Defense for about three years, and largely being successful. Bass was an excellent hobby and I made a lot of great friends during my gigging career.
This past summer I moved out of the dorms and moved in with my mother & sister. My parents have been divorced for a few years now, and I'm pretty close with my father, who has since moved to Michigan. Both of my parents are military, with my father being a 20-year vet and my mother having served a tour during Desert Storm. Both parents are rather unconventional and arguably not as supportive as my peers'; I've been financially independant since my senior year of high school, and own my own vehicle/insurance/phone/etc. I certainly don't think I'm entitled to their support, but it obviously doesn't help knowing that all of my friends have everything paid for. Either way, it was nice to have a place to live even if my mother tends to be narcissistic and selfish at all times.
As the months went by, my relationship with my mother increasingly became worse. I like to think I'm a patient, sympathetic and overall nice guy... but being consistantly treated like a loser got the better of me. The hypocrisy of being told that I'm lazy despite the fact that I kept the house's maintenance/yardwork in check while she went out every single night just is too much. Nevertheless, I just limited my social interaction with her and kept on trying to support my sister/household.
Then, at about 0200 on a Tuesday, my mother and her then-boyfriend had a drunken screaming match that kept my sister and I up. During their discussion, it came out that my mother cheated on my father while he was in Iraq with (apparently) more than one individual, and that she was cheating on the boyfriend at the time as well. The fact that she responded with a "so what?" just made it an even worse revelation.
After that, I resolved that I still needed a place to stay while I looked for another job. I decided to simply not talk to my mother unless I absolutely had to. My job (that I'm still in as of right now, for now) was relatively deceptive; it's nice for my age but extremely restrictive... I simply can't support myself with no forward movement or ambition. I am simply being underutilized and I'm way too smart to accept that.
After about a week of this, my mother announced that she had to sell the house and wanted it ready in a week. She also decided that to save money that I was going to do all of the renovations. I absolutely wouldn't mind if she asked... but it was expected of me and looked at as an obligation. I got to work.
One day, I came inside after working out in the yard and talking with the realtor about the sale. I saw that my mother was playing solitare and drinking wine at 1030. I asked, in a calm manner, if she would help out in the renovations. She absolutely flipped out, calling me lazy and entitled and a "loser who does nothing but play music and video games in his room all day". I simply can't ignore that. I (again, calmly) started explaining how she was treating me and how I was single-handedly handling the housing situation, and she started hitting me, grabbing me, and cursing at me until she ran into the bathroom and slammed the door in my face. She then said, "You can go to Michigan if you don't like it".
I have had enough of the woman who valued her temporary boyfriends (whom she cheats on regularly) more than her own children. The downright neglect and negative influence she had on my life had to stop. I have sat my mother down twice before this incident and explained to her how her attitude affects my sister and I, and she promised both times to change her tune. I just can't trust her anymore.
I went upstairs and took a shower, then started packing. After loading the essentials (suits/ties, bass, vinyl collection, horror movies, etc.) I said goodbye to my sister and drove to my college campus. I've been homeless since (August 2012), and haven't talked to my mother since.
Homeless seems to be a strong word, but I happen to have an extremely considerate network of friends that I've been living with/storing my belongs with since. I certainly don't feel homeless, and I've honestly never felt so liberated and clear-headed. I'm absolutely happier than living in such a destructive environment. I have talked to my father weekly and he is extremely supportive as well.
Obviously this was a pretty tough and emotional period of my life but I like to think I handled it better than most; with a sense of humor and a positive outlook that my future is still bright. Having the support of my friends and father certainly helps too, and I successfully avoided depression.
I tried my hand at finding a civilian job that would be able to support me but I just haven't had the luck. Each consecutive paycheck lasts just enough to get me to the next one, with no leftover money. I'm well fed and have gas in my car, but just barely. I simply don't want to live like this.
I will be joining the United States Army, hopefully shipping out to basic training in March 2013. I'm looking forward to getting my life on track and despite the sacrifice, I think that it's going to be a great life. If I sign up for a 5 year tour, I'll end up having 8 years of federal service on my record, and a bachelor's degree by the time I'm 25. I don't think that's too shabby. My father has agreed to let me stay with him in Michigan from January until I ship out, and I'm even switching my residency to Michigan so my army pay isn't taxed.
I'm going to be selling my bass equipment, which admittedly is harder to stomach than I thought, but I know for a fact that when I get out of training and towards the end of my tour that I'm going to come right back to Talkbass and fulfill an unimaginable GAS of basses and amps and effects
So, yeah, that's my freeflow writeup of the last few months. For people still reading, thanks! Even if nobody responds I at least got to revisit this time and vent it all out. I'd love to hear from Army vets or posters here that have experienced similar circumstances.