Jokes Megathread

[JonathanD]

NO Pictures please....really



Minos is a greek sitting in a pub.
He says to the bartender "I build many of the houses in this town. When I walk down the street no one says 'hey, there goes Minos the house builder.' Give me another beer."

He broods at the end of the bar and slams his fist down saying

"I build most of the boats in the harbor. When I am walking on the docks no one says, 'hey there goes Minos the boat maker'. Its a damn shame. No one respects me. I'm empty over here. Another!"

He finishes his 12th beer and begins to sob.
The bartender comes close and Minos looks up all teary eyed and says

"You suck one ****."

[funkalicious101]

I.......... dont get it.

[Unrepresented]

Originally Posted by funkalicious101

I.......... dont get it.

It's a play on one of Tolstoy's classic lines. You're right though, it probably doesn't read as well without the Russian accent.

[joel kelsey]

Two necrophiliacs are making love to a dead clown, and one says to the other, "does this feel funny to you?"

[JonathanD]

Originally Posted by funkalicious101

I.......... dont get it.

well, if you have to explain it, its not as funny.
Here we go.
Minos sucked a **** so everyone calls him "Minos the **** Sucker" The poster above is right, you need the verbal delivery.

[peterbright]

Baaaad

[lennyonbass]

i stole this joke...

did you hear about the new pirate movie?
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it's rated aaaaarrrrggh!

[jonathan_matos5]

Originally Posted by joel kelsey

Two necrophiliacs are making love to a dead clown, and one says to the other, "does this feel funny to you?"

i always heard it as...

two cannibals are eating a clown, and one says to the other "does this taste funny to you?"

[jrthebassguy]

Q: What's the hardest part about rollerblading?




A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

[Fender32]

Q: What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison ?

A: You can't wash your hands in a buffalo.


(This works best, verbally, if you have the accent of a girl from Essex, in England ).

[Yngwie 4String]

A man dies of unknown causes, when he gets to heaven he says to St. Peter. "Bet you cant guess how I got here."

[Atoz]

Rene Descartes is sitting in a bar having a drink. The bartender asks him if he would like another.

"I think not" replies Descartes, as he vanishes.

[Joe Gress]

Yeah, I didn't get the cream one either. (cought you)

[Atoz]

Originally Posted by joeinsprings

Yeah, I didn't get the cream one either. (cought you)

I didn't think anyone would. Want me to repost it?

I thought it was funny, by the way.

EDIT: Joke reposted a couple spots down.

[fretster]

A termite walks into a bar and says,

Is the bar tender here?

[cheesemonkey]

so far i'm not understanding any of these jokes /cry

love the new avatar atoz

[fretster]

Termites eat wood, right? They might prefer tender wood to tough wood, so the termite asks.... is the bar "tender" here....


Yeh, explaining takes the oomph out of it.....

[Atoz]

Originally Posted by cheesemonkey

so far i'm not understanding any of these jokes /cry

Here's another one not to understand then:

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream."

The waitress replies "I'm sorry, monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"

Originally Posted by cheesemonkey

love the new avatar atoz

Thanks... Lalabadie was nice enough to make it for me after I asked him (he designed the original ). I think it's pretty awesome.

[Joe Gress]

Originally Posted by Atoz

Here's another one not to understand then:

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream."

The waitress replies "I'm sorry, monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"

Ok, when you have to research a joke, it becomes a chore.

[David1234]

The man went to a zoo. But it only had this one dog. It was a shitzu.