Kid census

**Eric Perry** · #1 04-10-2009, 08:20 AM

As inspired by another thread... Who here has kids? If you don't have kids, who wants kids? Who regrets having children for whatever reason? Who cringes at the thought of raising a kid? I fall into the latter. I don't have one bit the patience or desire to raise a kid. Call me greedy and self-centered if you must. It fits!

EDIT: This is a private poll, so please be honest. I'm genuinely curious.

MonetBass · #2 04-10-2009, 08:24 AM

We have one (5½), and I'm pretty patient, but my kid does try that patience occasionally. But he more than makes up for it most of the time by being goofy and hilarious. Seriously, he makes us laugh every day.

I understand those folks not wanting kids, though. My older brother thankfully got married late in life and his wife has two grown daughters. His fuse is quite short and would never make it as a father of a baby or small child.

hover · #3 04-10-2009, 08:25 AM

I have two. One of each. I feel very blessed. I understand that it is not for everyone...but hate certain friend of mine that have such disdain that they make comments when I bring my kids to a social gathering (say like a cookout or something)...not directly to me, but said, oft in earshot, and I can't let it go....these people are usually "dog people"...

I have a dog too, but don't think it's a real full-on replacement. To each their own.

iamlowsound · #4 04-10-2009, 08:28 AM

I am undecided.

lowsound

**Eric Perry** · #5 04-10-2009, 08:32 AM

Yeah. I'm quite sure I'll be in the vast minority here, and that's okay. I recognize that I simply don't have the patience for children, and to be completely honest I truly value my free time (and extra money) so much so, that I'd harbor resentment towards my child I think. At least I admit it. There are countless parents out there who were never honest with themselves before having kids, and now the kids suffer the consequences. At least I'm honest with myself when it still matters, before committing to such a massive decision.

Another possible reason for my complete and utter lack of desire to have kids is my profession, maybe. I was a family therapist for many years, and a children's outpatient therapist for some time as well. I have seen some downright sickening stuff, from the parents, the kids, and the families. Maybe I'm scared too.

D Rokk · #6 04-10-2009, 08:37 AM

Eric you will come to understand its COMPLETELY different when its ur kid.. u'll find patience and understanding you never knew you had.. the will to do things you never thought you would (changing $hitty diapers and cleaning up puke for example) and a work ethic that'd put mexicans to shame..

other peoples kids annoy the pi$$ outta me mine can cry all night cuz he's sick and it doesnt bother me in the least

having a kid is kinda like having a dog.. you feed it play with it clean up after it and hope at the end of the day it loves you..

PS i also hate dogs

Tony G · #7 04-10-2009, 08:43 AM

I love my 11 month old son, but it's the hardest work I've ever had to do. I too value my free time and love spending money on myself, so it has been a very hard transition for me. I don't think I'd say I regret anything about having a kid, but I do miss doing what I want when I want. I feel very selfish even saying these things though. My son is amazing and I wouldn't change a thing (ok, I wish he slept a bit better

) But I do miss my life before him sometimes. But I felt the same way after I got married too. I missed being single for a while, sometimes still do. That doesn't mean I don't love my wife, as I do very much. Again, I feel selfish saying these things, but it's the truth.

**Eric Perry** · #8 04-10-2009, 08:46 AM

Thanks for the honest answer.

D Rokk · #9 04-10-2009, 08:49 AM

i can agree with what tony g said for sure

Relic · #10 04-10-2009, 08:50 AM

I have three.
Brutally honest post here:
Before I had kids, I was kind of neutral towards them, I found them kind of annoying honestly, maybe slightly cute when they were well-behaved, but for the most part, I felt uncomfortable around them and wanted nothing to do with them. I couldn't stand also how parents would brag about their kid(s) and so on, used to make me sick. Babies were especially ugly.

It's funny because I was the last person on earth in my mind, who could be a reasonably responsible or even caring dad. I was self-centered, lazy, liked to party, free-spirited as hell, I liked to roam and wander with no attachments wherever life took me..etc etc.
Found out that I was going to have my first kid - my first thought was NO effing way! I wanted to jump off a bridge, thought about doing it..then I was thinking.. maybe we could just abort "it" or something, I don't want any kids..but felt too guilty about that.
And here's where it's going to sound cliche, sappy, nauseating and corny to all you guys without kids, but I swear it from the bottom of my heart it's true - the first split second my son was born and I held that little tiny perfect helpless human being in my arms, all that self-centered BS mindset that I lived by all my life came crashing down in a millisecond and I haven't looked back since. Being a dad is the now the thing I do best in life.

That said, tell me that kids aren't for you, tell me that you just don't feel comfortable around them, tell me you're not ready for them, blah blah blah, I seriously do understand that and have no issues there with that whatsoever. I remember those days myself.
But the whole arrogant "kids are useless" "kids suck" bad attitude seriously gets me mega-defensive. I freaking HATE that attitude

(not you personally Eric, I see where you're coming from. There's a few around here who do seem to have that attitude though)

rustynuts · #11 04-10-2009, 08:56 AM

You need another choice up there, i.e. have kids, love them but don't want any more. I got divorced in my late twenties and while I love my son to death (talk to him every day) I would never consider another relationship involving children.

**Eric Perry** · #12 04-10-2009, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Relic

(not you personally Eric, I see where you're coming from. There's a few around here who do seem to have that attitude though)

Yeah, the noisy and icky thing I +1'd in the other thread was just a joke. I'd never take any sort of stand against anyone's kids like that. Granted, there have been professional situations where I have intervened and testified to have kids removed from homes, but that was more parent centered than kid centered usually. Also, there were always massive extenuating circumstances that led to such steps.

Tony G · #13 04-10-2009, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Relic

And here's where it's going to sound cliche, sappy, nauseating and corny to all you guys without kids, but I swear it from the bottom of my heart it's true - the first split second my son was born and I held that little tiny perfect helpless human being in my arms, all that self-centered BS mindset that I lived by all my life came crashing down in a millisecond and I haven't looked back since.

I too very fondly remember the day my son was born. I had no idea what to expect and was very scared. The moment I first saw him, it's like something clicks inside you and you are changed forever. My wife had a c-section, and the image of my son being held up briefly in front of me and my wife before being put in the incubator has been burned into my head for the rest of my life.

**Eric Perry** · #14 04-10-2009, 08:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rustynuts

You need another choice up there, i.e. have kids, love them but don't want any more. I got divorced in my late twenties and while I love my son to death (talk to him every day) I would never consider another relationship involving children.

Yeah, I forgot that option and lowsound's "undecided" option. My bad.

EDIT: If a mod can add those I'd appreciate it. Thanks!

D Rokk · #15 04-10-2009, 08:58 AM

i get a kick out of people who are "waiting till they are ready" to have kids..

newsflash.. ur never going to be ready.. just dive in headfirst and get it over with

Tony G · #16 04-10-2009, 09:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by D Rokk

i get a kick out of people who are "waiting till they are ready" to have kids..

newsflash.. ur never going to be ready.. just dive in headfirst and get it over with

I couldn't agree with this more. No matter what anyone says, there is nothing that can prepare for child birth and beyond. My wife made us take all the pre birth classes, we've read the books/articles and have had countless people telling us what we should or shouldn't do.

Very little of anything of the above has had direct relation to my experience with my kid.

**cheezewiz** · #17 04-10-2009, 09:01 AM

It's the hardest and the most rewarding thing you can do.
I have three. That's the middle one you see up there with me.

Relic · #18 04-10-2009, 09:03 AM

Quote:

Yeah, the noisy and icky thing I +1'd in the other thread was just a joke. I'd never take any sort of stand against anyone's kids like that. Granted, there have been professional situations where I have intervened and testified to have kids removed from homes, but that was more parent centered than kid centered usually. Also, there were always massive extenuating circumstances that led to such steps.

No prob dude, I was laughing at that actually. But on a serious note, I don't think I could ever have the fortitude to be in a line of work like that. It would kill me emotionally, hats off to you bro. You've probably saved more than a few kids from sh*tty parents, and there are way too many out there in this day and age!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tony G

I too very fondly remember the day my son was born. I had no idea what to expect and was very scared. The moment I first saw him, it's like something clicks inside you and you are changed forever. My wife had a c-section, and the image of my son being held up briefly in front of me and my wife before being put in the incubator has been burned into my head for the rest of my life.

Yep, there's some sort of emotional switch that suddenly gets switched on or something. It's bizarre

Gard · #19 04-10-2009, 09:05 AM

I'm 45 now, and have no kids of my own, nor do I expect that that will change at this stage of the game (the girl I'm dating "can't" [thanks to surgery] have them).

That said, I have been a step father to kids in a past marriage, and am potentially about to become one yet again (12 year old daughter, 19 year old son), and I love/d being a step dad.

The one thing that has been painful from my recent divorce situation is losing contact with two of the kids (the other two...meh, not so much). I'm particularly close to my step son, and am only able to see him intermittently, which makes me crazy, but I have no legal standing as a former step father....

...so I answered "my pets are my children".

dave64o · #20 04-10-2009, 09:12 AM

I have a son who turns 12 next week.

My younger sister and I are the youngest on both sides of our family and I literally have never been around children except for when I was one. When my wife and I started talking about kids I was terrified because I had no idea what to expect. Eventually I decided it was the right thing to do and I'm glad I did. It's never easy and every time you think you're getting good at parenting some new situation comes up to test you and make you doubt yourself. However, the moments when your kid says I love you, when you see them doing the right thing because they've been taught to do it, when you see them excel at something they love doing, then you realize all the work, pain, and struggle is SO worth it.

I know I've been extremely lucky and I'm thankful every day for that.