Kids and Facebook - your opinion?

[Relic]

A few weeks ago I got into an interesting argument with a few friends about kids using Facebook.
My two older sons 11 and 15 have Facebook accounts. I allowed them to have them after they had bugged me about it for almost a year. My condition was that they supply me with their passwords so I can go in and check anytime I want, which I do.
I don't tell them when or pre-warn them at all but I'll go in from time to time and check what they've been doing and who's emailing them etc. A few times I've sound some stuff that I didn't like but by and large it's been perfectly fine.
When I was talking to my friends about this, it seemed to create a furor. There was one guy who could simply not believe that I would allow my kids at their ages to have Facebook accounts at all, then there was another guy who saw nothing wrong with it whatsoever but could not believe that I would betray my sons' trust by "snooping" into their personal business.
My opinion is this - I don't necessarily like to "snoop", but it's my house, my rules, and their safety. If they want Facebook accounts like all of their other friends do, then it's with stipulations. When they turn 18, it's a different story. I was just surprised how polarizing this issue seemed to be. I would think that by and large most parents would kind of opt for a compromise such as I did but apparently not?
What say you? (now with poll)

[MakiSupaStar]

Originally Posted by Relic

A few weeks ago I got into an interesting argument with a few friends about kids using Facebook.
My two older sons 11 and 15 have Facebook accounts. I allowed them to have them after they had bugged me about it for almost a year. My condition was that they supply me with their passwords so I can go in and check anytime I want, which I do.
I don't tell them when or pre-warn them at all but I'll go in from time to time and check what they've been doing and who's emailing them etc. A few times I've sound some stuff that I didn't like but by and large it's been perfectly fine.
When I was talking to my friends about this, it seemed to create a furor. There was one guy who could simply not believe that I would allow my kids at their ages to have Facebook accounts at all, then there was another guy who saw nothing wrong with it whatsoever but could not believe that I would betray my sons' trust by "snooping" into their personal business.
My opinion is this - I don't necessarily like to "snoop", but it's my house, my rules, and their safety. If they want Facebook accounts like all of their other friends do, then it's with stipulations. When they turn 18, it's a different story. I was just surprised how polarizing this issue seemed to be. I would think that by and large most parents would kind of opt for a compromise such as I did but apparently not?
What say you?

Yeah, I've been thinking about this lately too. My cousin, who lives in turkey, has two daughters 9 and 7 years old. I recently got a friend request from them, and I was appalled. I laid into my cousin, and asking her what she was doing? It's not so much that I argue her decision to let her daughters have a facebook account, but it's the fact that I'm put in the position of having to decide whether or not I want to expose her to the adult world and adult humor that takes place on the site. It's not that I'm doing anything on Facebook that is that outrageous, but it's definitely not something I wish to expose my 9 and 7 year old cousins to.

My cousin's response was that all her daughters friends have it, and 'what could she do?' Real dismissive. When I explained to her my stance on it, she said that I should watch what I say. I told her no, I should have to. I denied the friend request.

[kesslari]

From the parent of a 13 year old - supervised use of the internet, and social networking, is perfectly OK.
Get on Facebook yourself, and friend your kids, and you'll have a lot of good insight into what they're into and where they're at, with less need to "snoop" (not saying that you're wrong to have access - that's not unreasonable).

More than snooping, though, be sure you're having conversations about safe online behavior (avoiding unsafe sites, not downloading or clicking un-tested links, about online freindships and the prevalence/existence of pedophiles, etc.) - and if possible, have some good online, kid-centered resources you can show so it's not just "the old man nagging". There are good materials available.

[jmattbassplaya]

I'm not sure if you guys know this, but facebook use to be much more adult oriented. You had to be in college and you could only join if you were invited to join it by another member (like old gmail).

[McHaven]

Facebook never should have allowed anyone but college students, just like the good ole days. Back then, it was exciting having to get your student email in order to register for facebook. Now any idiot, geezer, or pedophile can get on there, and the overall quality of the site has gone down. MySpace all over again.

[hrodbert696]

If Facebook had stayed just for college students, there just would have been a parallel networking site that would have operated alongside it and probably put it out of business -- even college students have friends who aren't other college students!

My teenagers have facebook accounts and we have told them that we will check them at will. Actually, it's funny because a lot of the time, for some reason, they'll post things about their moods and things to facebook that they will not tell us to our faces. It does create this weird distortion about what's public and private. But the main benefit we've seen in it is that we've had to move around a fair amount and so have some of their friends, so facebook has proven the best way for them to keep up their friendships.

[Darkstrike]

Wouldn't have let the 11 year old, but I doubt there's anything going on there thats too extereme for a 15 year old.

Originally Posted by hrodbert696

If Facebook had stayed just for college students, there just would have been a parallel networking site that would have operated alongside it and probably put it out of business -- even college students have friends who aren't other college students!

This I agree with 100%

[Cannabass]

Originally Posted by kesslari

From the parent of a 13 year old - supervised use of the internet, and social networking, is perfectly OK.
Get on Facebook yourself, and friend your kids, and you'll have a lot of good insight into what they're into and where they're at, with less need to "snoop" (not saying that you're wrong to have access - that's not unreasonable).

More than snooping, though, be sure you're having conversations about safe online behavior (avoiding unsafe sites, not downloading or clicking un-tested links, about online freindships and the prevalence/existence of pedophiles, etc.) - and if possible, have some good online, kid-centered resources you can show so it's not just "the old man nagging". There are good materials available.

this is good advice.

honestly if you won't allow your kids to have unsupervised facebook accounts, i dont think you should allow them at all. snooping around on your kid's facebook, especially through their private messages and ****, is just kind of ****ed up, excuse my language.

of course i understand your concern, but kids need to have their own social life, and whether or not facebook has anything to do with said social life...there are just things that naturally parents shouldn't and won't know about that's going on in their kids lives. its a big part of becoming an independent mature person.

i'm not trying to tell you how to be a parent, but if you asked for my advice, i'd tell you to stop snooping.

[Cannabass]

also yeah....11 is pretty young to have facebook, but your 15 year old is in high school right?

let him go lol

[ADbassman]

Wow, I had Myspace and a local site called STLpunk which operated sorta like Facebook when I was 13. IMO, those sites were far worse than Facebook could ever hope to be as far as dangerous stuff goes.

[EricF]

As the father of an 11-year-old daughter who has been bugging her mother (my test-wife) and I for a FB account for a while, we have just this weekend reached an agreeable set of terms for her to have an account. Much of it falls in line with Relic's stance on the situation.

- Her mother and I will know the login and password for her account, and her activity will be regularly monitored.
- She will not become "friends" with her mother or I (some of the comments on my page are not kid-appropriate). In turn, I will not make embarrassing comments on her page.
- She will not "friend" anyone she does not personally know.
- Her page, info, etc. will be set to so it's only viewable by her "friends".

She's a good kid, and I expect will do a good job following the rules, but if things are out of line at all, it's over. She understands and has agreed.

[EricF]

Originally Posted by Cannabass

this is good advice.

honestly if you won't allow your kids to have unsupervised facebook accounts, i dont think you should allow them at all. snooping around on your kid's facebook, especially through their private messages and ****, is just kind of ****ed up, excuse my language.

of course i understand your concern, but kids need to have their own social life, and whether or not facebook has anything to do with said social life...there are just things that naturally parents shouldn't and won't know about that's going on in their kids lives. its a big part of becoming an independent mature person.

i'm not trying to tell you how to be a parent, but if you asked for my advice, i'd tell you to stop snooping.

Just curious...how old are your kids?

[DudeistMonk]

Let em do what they will on FB.

To deny them is to screw with their social status...Like when my father wouldn't let me watch South Park and I became the odd man out on every joke at school.

If the party invites and social interactions are happening on FB (and they are) denying your kid is making them an outcast, IMO.

Spying is straight out too, honestly do you really want your kids to be tight wads? Either they rebel and do stupid **** in HS, or they rebel twice as hard and do way more stupid **** in college where their future is truly on the line....of course a few will stay daddy's little girl/boy forever but who wants to hang around with that kid. An 11 year old girl yeah check on her page now and again, but a 15 year old boy has to be free to say dirty **** on the web, you remember that age, don't make it any harder.

Also your kid will find a way. You can't stop them, a G-mail account + the library will allow them to create an FB account. Again I couldn't watch south park but I could find the transcripts online and read them. Kids aren't stupid. At least if you allow it they might be honest with you.

I'm not a father but that's my .02, take it or leave it.

[Nightlyraider]

I liked Facebook when you NEEDED a .edu email and it wasn't full of the creeps Myspace has since banned...

[SteveC]

Originally Posted by Cannabass

honestly if you won't allow your kids to have unsupervised facebook accounts, i dont think you should allow them at all. snooping around on your kid's facebook, especially through their private messages and ****, is just kind of ****ed up, excuse my language.

of course i understand your concern, but kids need to have their own social life, and whether or not facebook has anything to do with said social life...there are just things that naturally parents shouldn't and won't know about that's going on in their kids lives. its a big part of becoming an independent mature person.

i'm not trying to tell you how to be a parent, but if you asked for my advice, i'd tell you to stop snooping.

Obviously you are not a parent.

Originally Posted by EricF

As the father of an 11-year-old daughter who has been bugging her mother (my test-wife) and I for a FB account for a while, we have just this weekend reached an agreeable set of terms for her to have an account. Much of it falls in line with Relic's stance on the situation.

- Her mother and I will know the login and password for her account, and her activity will be regularly monitored.
- She will not become "friends" with her mother or I (some of the comments on my page are not kid-appropriate). In turn, I will not make embarrassing comments on her page.
- She will not "friend" anyone she does not personally know.
- Her page, info, etc. will be set to so it's only viewable by her "friends".

She's a good kid, and I expect will do a good job following the rules, but if things are out of line at all, it's over. She understands and has agreed.

Obviously, you are trying to be a good parent. Bravo. I have a 4 year old so it's only a matter of time. It's not if your kids will be on/use the internet/social networks, it's when and how.

[SoonerMatt]

I miss the days when it was restricted to just college users. This time next year it'll be the exact same as myspace but without the band pages.

[mike_v_s]

Originally Posted by Cannabass

this is good advice.

honestly if you won't allow your kids to have unsupervised facebook accounts, i dont think you should allow them at all. snooping around on your kid's facebook, especially through their private messages and ****, is just kind of ****ed up, excuse my language.

Your "kind of ****** up" is my "good parenting".

of course i understand your concern, but kids need to have their own social life, and whether or not facebook has anything to do with said social life...there are just things that naturally parents shouldn't and won't know about that's going on in their kids lives. its a big part of becoming an independent mature person.

There's little about a 15 year old that is independent and even less that is mature. I think the freedom he's granted is enough and once the kids demonstrate thier maturity witht he site, he can gradually stop poking around.

Mike

[Relic]

Originally Posted by Cannabass

this is good advice.

honestly if you won't allow your kids to have unsupervised facebook accounts, i dont think you should allow them at all. snooping around on your kid's facebook, especially through their private messages and ****, is just kind of ****ed up, excuse my language.

of course i understand your concern, but kids need to have their own social life, and whether or not facebook has anything to do with said social life...there are just things that naturally parents shouldn't and won't know about that's going on in their kids lives. its a big part of becoming an independent mature person.

i'm not trying to tell you how to be a parent, but if you asked for my advice, i'd tell you to stop snooping.

Interesting. How would my checking on what they are doing interfere with their social life?
Also - they wanted FB, I agreed that to have one, it would have stipulations to agree to, just like the "real world". How is learning that things are not always free and there are consequences to things not part of becoming a mature, independent person?

[PSPookie]

It's not snooping if they're putting it on the internet for the world to see.

Be a parent. You'll know you're doing it right when your kid shouts "I hate you!" and stomps off to their room.

[b_carville]

Thank God my daughter is an adult now & I don't have to go through this!

I see the problems a drummer I work with goes through with his 15 year old daughter.She's a good responsable kid but she's also an attractive one.He's had some problems with some whacko's posting on her Facebook site.

I find it odd.It's like you can now have "virtual" friends instead of real ones.

Then maybe I'm too old!