Last Dying Wish.

Datsgor · #1 12-30-2011, 12:25 PM

In this scenario, you are the parent of a person who has been in the hospital for 10 days and is on their death bed. The last thing they say to you is: " Do not tell anybody I am dead, promise me ." You promise and then they die.

So, the ethical question is: Do all the friends and people he has touched in his life trump the final wish?

They deserve to know. Do you break the promise so all his freinds can grieve and send him off in their own way?

Do you keep the secret and deprive them of saying goodbye?

Funky Ghost · #2 12-30-2011, 12:28 PM

They trusted you with that information. If it was me. I would honor them by keeping the information to myself. If, in the natural course of events, the friends and family find out from another source then so be it.

Kwesi · #3 12-30-2011, 12:29 PM

Tell no one that they are dying or tell ow one that they are dead? The latter, I'm willing to bet would be impossible. If someone who knows anyone dies, people will find out.

hrodbert696 · #4 12-30-2011, 12:30 PM

The hospital has to issue a death certificate. Death is not secret, it's a matter of public record. Interesting attempt to set up a moral dilemma, but I can't see it happening in reality.

But to take it seriously anyway, this last wish is asking you to lie. You can't be bound by a moral obligation to commit an immoral action. So no, I wouldn't keep such a promise - but I would never have made it in the first place anyway.

**FunkyMcNasty** · #5 12-30-2011, 12:33 PM

Your the parent, so I guess it's okay if you don't tell his friends and the rest of the family...but later it would be tough to explain why. I'm sure that you would have some people that would be very angry with you. Because they will definitely figure it out. That's a tough thing to hide.

GregC · #6 12-30-2011, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kwesi

Tell no one that they are dying or tell know one that they are dead? The latter, I'm willing to bet would be impossible. If someone who knows anyone dies, people will find out.

+1.

But hey, if the others ask why you didn't tell them, just say death is natural and not a big deal.

Datsgor · #7 12-30-2011, 12:48 PM

Nobody knew that the person was in the hospital for 10 days. Had they known, they could have visited. Now, he is dead and you made a promise.

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I would have to break the promise. I would look up and say "this isn't fair to burden me with this secret" "You have to forgive me, but this is too big to not tell" It would suck breaking my promise. But, I think the right thing to do would be to get the word out.

Kwesi · #8 12-30-2011, 12:53 PM

They'd find out anyway. What would you say when you asked about them? "Oh, he's travelling the world... he won't be back forever." You can't hide the death of a human being when they have connections to others. Honestly, if there are other people who care for him then it's not a single person's burden to carry anyway. What reason could they have for not wanting people to know that their dead anyway?

Jazz Ad · #9 12-30-2011, 12:58 PM

The dead shouldn't not put themselves in the way of the living.
Life has to carry on, things have to be done and no, I wouldn't keep this promise. I wouldn't make it in the first place anyway.

lunarpollen · #10 12-30-2011, 01:12 PM

I would absolutely keep their promise, unless doing so put someone else's life in jeopardy.

Stumbo · #11 12-30-2011, 01:27 PM

How old is the child?

What about all the people who came to visit him/her in the hospital? How about the child's place of employment? All his buddies on TalkBass? Social Security? I lost my mother 10 years ago and legally, many organizations have to be informed.

Where's my grandson? Uh.....well, I don't know....he didn't come home from the hospital....

So what do you do? Shrug your shoulders?

What about a Funeral? Obituary? Cremation? I'd let everyone know there would be a memorial for the child. Just not put in any info on the death. Everyone would figure it out.

A friend of mine's mother, on her death bed, made him promise that he would become a priest. Come ON! I mean, is the dying person in the appropriate state of mind to be making life long commitments from others?

Why make a promise you can't keep?

FYI: Social Security also records a death in their index available to the public.

stratovani · #12 12-30-2011, 01:37 PM

I'd tell him that it's a promise that I couldn't keep, so I wouldn't do it.

Chef FourString · #13 12-30-2011, 01:37 PM

I would keep my word.

Turock · #14 12-30-2011, 02:11 PM

If I made a promise, I would keep it.

Munjibunga · #15 12-30-2011, 02:24 PM

Why are we taking about him or her in the plural?

Munjibunga · #16 12-30-2011, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stratovani

I'd tell him that it's a promise that I couldn't keep, so I wouldn't do it.

Same here. Besides, I can guarantee you that he or she will not care in the least what you do after the event.

Sav'nBass · #17 12-30-2011, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Datsgor

In this scenario, you are the parent of a person who has been in the hospital for 10 days and is on their death bed. The last thing they say to you is: " Do not tell anybody I am dead, promise me ." You promise and then they die.

So, the ethical question is: Do all the friends and people he has touched in his life trump the final wish?

They deserve to know. Do you break the promise so all his freinds can grieve and send him off in their own way?

Do you keep the secret and deprive them of saying goodbye?

That is a promise that is almost impossible to keep and one that I would never make because in the end it has no meaning. I can see not making any announcement, or having a service.. but not saying anything at all? What happens when you run into an old friend at thew mall who asks you how's your son? "Oh .. he's out of town..." or when you run into one of his childhood friends .. or better yet their parents? Then when people find out the truth and they will .. you become a liar.