The Laws of Talkbass!

[Kwesi]

If there was a Murphy's Law: TalkBass Edition what laws would it have?

Rules:

1) You must title your laws! It doesn't even have to make sense just make up something, bold it and shazzam, you have a title.

2) Edit's to laws created in previous post by another user can only be a amended with a corollary. The original user can edit their law freely but strike-throughs (using ) are preferred to ninja edits unless it's for grammar or clarity.

3) The laws can really be related anything concerning TalkBass itself and it's members, music in general, famous bassists, bass guitars/upright basses, etc. Let's try not to stray too far from those sibjects

4) ...This is gonna be awesome. Go!

Mine:

Kwesi's Law of Exponential Thread Degredation

Should a thread be created in any sub-forum, the first three to five pages will contain worthwhile information to the OP after-which the quality of posts, the information in them, and their relevance to the topic will drastically decrease until the thread is either locked, deleted, or heavily moderated. This does not apply to Club threads and Megathreads.

Corollary - Should said thread be created by and obvious troll or someone who's questions could have been answered using the search function, thread degradation starts from the first post after the OPs.

The Law of Bassular Infinity

For any given tone word (i.e. warm, modern, growl, grind, wet, etc.) there are an infinite number of interpretations

"Best" Theory

Any and all threads created with the word "Best" in the title will inevitably be locked at some point. This excludes posts made in OT.

[Relic]

The Law of Outrage.

Should a thread be started with a link to a controversial subject matter or article, the source used as a basis MUST be ONLY and limited to one that is written in such a fashion as to spawn racial, ethnic, religious, or socioeconomic outrage.
Further, it is strongly recommended that any poster to said thread, shall continue to base their entire opinion on the facts stated by that one source; they are to pick it apart, jump to conclusions, quote every minor detail that can be possibly gleaned from it; they are to attack other posters, launch accusations of racial, ethnic, religious, or socioeconomic disharmony, and (*gasp*) correct each other's grammar in the final fits of rage.

At no point is it recommended that anyone shall under any circumstances, search for a better source or one that may contain more detail, in order for the posters to collectively learn of more detail that might challenge their comfortably supported outrage.

[jwbassman]

Jwbassman's law of Exponentially Increasing Posting:

Posting on TalkBass increases exponentially when:

1) The Boss is gone
2) Work is slow
3) Both the Boss is gone and work is slow

[BobWestbrook]

The Law of Turpitude

No matter how flagitious the topic, accedence will be forthcoming.

[ZachOrem]

Newbton's Law:

Newbs to the forum will inevitably derail a thread with their ignorant, off-topic posts.

Also, how do I give myself an avatar?

[Phalex]

Once an individual states an opinion or preference for something completely subjective according to their own personal preference, another individual will invariably state a differing opinion and defend that position zealously unto their own death or until the original poster admits that his original position was completely wrong.

These arguments can last for years until they are resolved. (Occasionally with the ban hammer.)

[SoComSurfing]

Originally Posted by Relic

The Law of Outrage.

Should a thread be started with a link to a controversial subject matter or article, the source used as a basis MUST be ONLY and limited to one that is written in such a fashion as to spawn racial, ethnic, religious, or socioeconomic outrage.
Further, it is strongly recommended that any poster to said thread, shall continue to base their entire opinion on the facts stated by that one source; they are to pick it apart, quote every minor detail that can be possibly gleaned from it; they are to attack other posters, launch accusations of racial, ethnic, religious, or socioeconomic disharmony, and (*gasp*) correct each other's grammar in the final fits of rage.

At no point is it recommended that anyone shall under any circumstances, search for a better source or one that may contain more detail, in order for the posters to collectively learn of more detail that might challenge their comfortably supported outrage.

Brilliant!

Originally Posted by jwbassman

Jwbassman's law of Exponentially Increasing Posting:

Posting on TalkBass increases exponentially when:

1) The Boss is gone
2) Work is slow
3) Both the Boss is gone and work is slow

Good to know I'm a law-abiding TB citizen. Work is incredibly slow and boss is out of town.

[jwbassman]

Originally Posted by SoComSurfing

Brilliant!



Good to know I'm a law-abiding TB citizen. Work is incredibly slow and boss is out of town.

LOL. Yours too.

[MonetBass]

The Accidental Crossover Law:

Those EB players who unintentionally post on the DB side will be light-heartedly ribbed until they realize their mistake. If the reverse happens (DB player posting on the EB side), they will be flamed mercilessly until they crumple into a fetal position, sobbing and sucking their thumb.

Originally Posted by ZachOrem

...Also, how do I give myself an avatar?

Cough up the dough and become a Supporting Member.

[CapnSev]

Caps Lock: Stop it.

[MEKer]

MEKer's Law of Redundancy:

1. Posters will redundantly use IMO or IMHO without realizing that what they are stating IS their opinion, and therefore such acronymic effluvium is legally redundant, despite any pathetic defense forwarded for it's usage.

2. Ipso facto, the offense is compounded when IMO/IMHO is used in the offering of a substantiated fact(s).

3. The gravity of the redundancy offense may be calculated as follows for the mathematically inclined:

Acronym=A
Offensiveness=O
Usage=U
Knowing Usage=Ku
Ignorance of Redundancy=IR

UA = U+IR=O

or

Ku = UA-IR=(O)(O)

[Yakob]

Yakob's Law of the State of "Bests":
Despite the statutes within the aforementioned Best Theory, members are inherently drawn to threads with the word "Best" in the title. An addendum to this is that no thread containing the word "Best" shall ever reach a concrete conclusion as to the definition of said word.

(i.e. In a "Best Bass for Metal"-thread, the id ipsum "Best Bass" will never be defined).

[Relic]

Originally Posted by MEKer

MEKer's Law of Redundancy:

1. Posters will redundantly use IMO or IMHO without realizing that what they are stating IS their opinion, and therefore such acronymic effluvium is legally redundant, despite any pathetic defense forwarded for it's usage.

2. Ipso facto, the offense is compounded when IMO/IMHO is used in the offering of a substantiated fact(s).

3. The gravity of the redundancy offense may be calculated as follows for the mathematically inclined:

Acronym=A
Offensiveness=O
Usage=U
Knowing Usage=Ku
Ignorance of Redundancy=IR

UA = U+IR=O

or

Ku = UA-IR=(O)(O)

See, now I will dispute this law based on it's relative usefulness towards Law#2 - The Law of Outrage.

If one examines the Law of Outrage they can readily see that often part of it's sheer value for entertainment is in fact, due to the unique trait of posters making claims based on their opinion, yet stating said opinion as though it were fact. I submit that when it conjunction with the Law of Outrage, The Law of Redundancy Law may not in fact be all that bad? No? Not all that bad?

[Thunderscreech]

Thunderscreech's Law of Noobs:
As a users total time spent on the board increases, the chance that they will do something noobish decreases. This does not apply to all users equally, nor does it apply to known trolls.

[BobWestbrook]

Bob's Theory of Dreck Probability

The probability of music emitted being a wasteland of insipid dreck is inversely proportional to the age of the musician.

[Thunderscreech]

Thunderscreech's Law of Basses for Metal:

Someone will always ask what bass is best for metal. No exceptions.

Thunderscreech's Law of Haters:

The probability of haters emerging depends on how many references to the following are made in a thread:

• Fieldy
• Fred Durst/Limp Bizkit
• Jeff Berlin
• Solid State v. Tube Amps

This law carries over to the Law of Unending Butthurt, which states that: No matter how long ago a flamewar ended, the butthurt over said flamewar continues, especially if it one of the above subjects.

[Asa Samuel]

Asa Samuel's Theory of Anonymity

If you change your name on Talkbass no one will know who you are afterwards unless you either:
Post a thread informing everyone of said name change.
PM everyone in your friends list.
Or hijack an existing thread until people get the picture.

[Relic]

Originally Posted by Asa Samuel

Asa Samuel's Theory of Anonymity

If you change your name on Talkbass no one will know who you are afterwards unless you either:
Post a thread informing everyone of said name change.
PM everyone in your friends list.
Or hijack an existing thread until people get the picture.

Who the heel are you anyway??

[ubado]

The Jaco Law

At any time when a TB'er posts the following statement:
"Jaco only needed four strings"
... it must immediately be followed by: "Praise be to Jaco!"

[Asa Samuel]

Originally Posted by Relic

Who the heel are you anyway??

I_got_a_mohawk might know