Lesson learned

[mid_life_crisis]

The first day of the golf season at the local country club and my foursome was waiting while four women ahead of us teed off.
The first three went off with typical straight, not very long drives one expects from ladies who play regularly.
The fourth squibbed her first stroke off to the side of the teebox. She then duffed her second stroke so it rolled a couple of feet forward.
With a thoroughly exasperated look, she turned to us and said, "well, I guess I wasted my money on all those f**king lessons!"
Without a moment's thought, I replied, "there's the problem: you should have paid for golf lessons."


The doctor assures me that with a state of the art knee replacement and extensive physical therapy I should be on the course for the start of next season.

[MiniMoose234]

hahahahaha I love those instant comebacks that come magicly

[Skitch it!]

Your lucky she didn't Banana ball you in the Dogballs

[5StringBlues]

Dude!





You're on one today.

[Schlyder]

Mrs.Jones arrives at the golf course for her golf lesson with the club Pro.
They are on the range and the Pro says to Mrs. Jones, "Hit a few, and let me see what you are doing wrong."
She grips the club, takes her stance... makes a swing, and hits the ball very short, and way to the right.
The Pro says " Your grip is way to tight, you need to be gentle. Take the grip gently, like you would Mr. Jones's tallywhacker."
Mrs. Jones takes the club, steps up to the ball, swings, and gives it a tremendous blow, driving it 250 yrds, straight as an arrow.
The Pro says, "That's much, much better Mrs. Jones, can you do that again, but this time, without the club in your mouth."

[shadowtippy]

Two men were playing behind two women that were taking way too much time between strokes and there was a couple of holes open in front of them. One of the men said, "I'll take the cart and go see if they will let us play through." He drove off, stopped well short of the women, and came back. The other man asked him what the problem was. He replied, "I can't go up there. One of them is my wife and the other one is my girl friend. You will have to go ask them." The second man drove off, stopped, and came back. He said, "It's a small world, isn't it?"

[Munjibunga]

Originally Posted by 5StringBlues

Dude!





You're on one today.

He's on a biscuit?

[Simo98]

Originally Posted by Munjibunga

He's on a biscuit?

Im pretty sure he meant that the guy is on a plate.

[5StringBlues]

Exactly

[Skitch it!]

Originally Posted by 5StringBlues

Exactly

Ah,

[Gard]

Originally Posted by Munjibunga

He's on a biscuit?

Man, you been out in Granola Land too long, ain't you?

Any self-respecting southerner would know that ain't no BISCUIT, this is a biscuit:

[i_got_a_mohawk]

Originally Posted by Simo98

Im pretty sure he meant that the guy is on a plate.

I read it wrong in that case. I thought he was saying the guy was on a roll.

(it still works!)

[Skitch it!]

Originally Posted by i_got_a_mohawk

I read it wrong in that case. I thought he was saying the guy was on a roll.

(it still works!)

Sussed, cheers

5StringBlues...excellent sir, good show, I wondered and then I wondered some more......what does this mean?

[5StringBlues]

Originally Posted by Gard

Man, you been out in Granola Land too long, ain't you?

Any self-respecting southerner would know that ain't no BISCUIT, this is a biscuit:

God bless Louisana! North Carolina! Texas!

[Gard]

Originally Posted by 5StringBlues

God bless Louisana! North Carolina! Texas!

The way them Cowboys played last Sunday night, SOMEONE needs to!

[5StringBlues]

^ Heh,Dallas is southern Oklahoma.................

[stevetx19]

Originally Posted by 5StringBlues

^ Heh,Dallas is southern Oklahoma.................

[dave64o]

A young woman had been taking golf lessons all week long. She'd just begun her first game of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense, she couldn't continue her game. She decided to go back to the clubhouse and get some medical attention.

Her golf pro saw her enter the clubhouse and asked, "Why are you back so soon?" What's wrong?"

"I was stung by a bee," she answered.

"Where?," he asked.

"Between the first and second holes," she replied.

He nodded his head knowingly and said, "Ahhhhh, there's the problem. Your stance is still too wide."

[mid_life_crisis]

Three generations of men from the same family are waiting to tee off when the starter informs them that a woman will be joining them as their fourth. Their dismay is alleviated when she turns out to be a knockout and has a good sense of humor. She also plays one hell of a game of golf that day.
On the eighteenth green with a 12 foot putt to make par, she confesses to the guys that she has been playing way over her head all day. She will never have a chance at par again. She tells them that if she makes par, she is going to celebrate like mad, and if one of them makes it possible, he is coming with her, and she can guarantee it will be a night he'll never forget.

The young one and his father immediately start arguing over how the ball will break and the best way to make the putt.

The grandfather picks up the ball and hands it her. "That's a gimmee."

[mid_life_crisis]

One of the very few golf jokes that is really a golf joke.

A couple of guys get paired off with a pair of women one day early in the season. One of the guys ends up dating one of the ladies and by the end of the summer they are living together and planning a wedding.
It's a couple of weeks before the wedding and the guy wakes up to find her not in the bed. He gets up to look for her and finds her crying on the couch.
He asks, "what is the matter?"
She tells him, "you're going to be angry with me when I tell you this. I should have told you already, and I can't marry you without telling you first. I wasn't born a woman. I was born a man and had a sex change operation."
He sits there with a stunned look on his face.
She says, "you're angry aren't you. I knew you were going to be angry."
He practically snarls at her. "Of course I'm angry. You've been playing from the forward tees all summer!"