Little brother-in-law has been accused of bullying, sort of.

jordy_on_bass · #1 03-09-2013, 09:07 PM

Howdy TB'ers,

Just a bit of a query here on how I should handle a situation. My wife's brother is in the 10th grade at high school, 16 years old, 6'3 tall and is pretty much the most popular guy in the school. Just recently I have heard that he has been taking advantage of his popularity and telling certain peers to do things for him in order to avoid getting into trouble. Just recently he told one of his friends to go and fight another student who has a crush on his little sister. The two students who fought both got suspended, but the little bro was never even asked about it. The teachers all think he is an angel and after living at the family home for a little while, I can vouch that he is a good kid at home.

I'm pretty sure I know why he has been doing it; just recently his parents broke up and I know he has been feeling very angry about the situation because of how it all happened and things he has learnt recently. He looks up to me a lot and I try to guide him as best I can since his father hasn't contacted him since he left. Quite often we also break out the boxing gloves and head gear and have a few 2 minute sparring sessions so that he can get his anger out (luckily he is still really scrawny and doesn't have much power, might not be too much fun in another 12 months though).

I haven't confronted him about the bullying thing yet, but he does know I was bullied throughout my high school years and that I would be very disappointed if he was doing it. If he was over the age of 18, I would make him put on the gear and I would kickbox him until he couldn't take it anymore. But I can't do that, so that's why I am coming to the learned bassists here. How do you think I should approach this situation?

MJ5150 · #2 03-09-2013, 09:29 PM

If you are correct about the anger issues with his father, that may best be handled by a professional counselor. But since he looks up to you, it's worth you having some heart to heart discussions with him, no boxing gear. That's my opinion on your question.

My step son had anger issues with his biological father. I tried to guide him through those emotions, and while it did help, in the end he did better with an unbiased listener.

-Mike

jordy_on_bass · #3 03-10-2013, 04:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MJ5150

If you are correct about the anger issues with his father, that may best be handled by a professional counselor. But since he looks up to you, it's worth you having some heart to heart discussions with him, no boxing gear. That's my opinion on your question.

My step son had anger issues with his biological father. I tried to guide him through those emotions, and while it did help, in the end he did better with an unbiased listener.

-Mike

I know he is angry about his father, we have had heart-to-heart discussions from time to time. I usually take him out fishing on my boat so we are on our own to talk and wont get interrupted by anyone. He has expressed his anger about it several times so I know it's something that upsets him. The sparring is just something we do every now and then for fitness and for him to work off a bit of steam.

My main concern is that he wont open up to a person he doesn't really know, I know that when his parents first split that he was counselled and the professional said that she couldn't really get him to open up fully and knows that there was more than what she was told in 10 sessions. It seems he has told me more in our 3 or 4 private discussions than what he told the therapist in their sessions.