A little relationship advice needed

spade2you · #1 10-03-2008, 08:48 AM

So, yesterday my girlfriend informed me that she put in her 2 weeks at her job because she can't deal with a co-worker. She just applied to a few places, but nothing lined up yet.

Anyway, long story short, quitting seems to be the answer for everything when something gets too difficult. I'll admit it irks me since I'm the type who always gives 100% and never gives up, but realistically, I have a bad gut feeling that it's very easy for her to quit things....and I could be one of the next things she quits.

Mark Latimour · #2 10-03-2008, 08:55 AM

What would you accomplish by:

(a) convincing yourself she's going to dump you?

(b) dumping her first?

spade2you · #3 10-03-2008, 09:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mark Latimour

What would you accomplish by:

(a) convincing yourself she's going to dump you?

(b) dumping her first?

With both A and B, I would accomplish nothing.

I was kinda thinking about popping the question this winter, but just not sure how I feel about marriage and kids with someone who has been allowed to quit anything that isn't easy.

MakiSupaStar · #4 10-03-2008, 09:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spade2you

So, yesterday my girlfriend informed me that she put in her 2 weeks at her job because she can't deal with a co-worker. She just applied to a few places, but nothing lined up yet.

Anyway, long story short, quitting seems to be the answer for everything when something gets too difficult. I'll admit it irks me since I'm the type who always gives 100% and never gives up, but realistically, I have a bad gut feeling that it's very easy for her to quit things....and I could be one of the next things she quits.

There you go. Now you know she's not "the one". Now you can tap it with that burden lifted from your shoulders.

NS2A · #5 10-03-2008, 09:28 AM

Run like hel! or call her bluff. Tell her what's expected. You will work X hours AND make X money. If she doesn't accept that, then you need to accept the fact she won't change.

Don't get into a marriage and expect this to change.

Relic · #6 10-03-2008, 09:33 AM

I really hate to say this because part of me is a hopeless romantic...but....
tap it and run like the wind.

sarcastro83 · #7 10-03-2008, 09:37 AM

All due respect, why would you even consider popping the question to someone who quits a job because they "can't deal with a coworker"? That's such a cop out, dude... honestly. Don't do it.

Mark Latimour · #8 10-03-2008, 09:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarcastro83

All due respect, why would you even consider popping the question to someone who quits a job because they "can't deal with a coworker"? That's such a cop out, dude... honestly. Don't do it.

What if the co-worker was creeping her out or making unwanted sexual advances?

bassteban · #9 10-03-2008, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mark Latimour

What if the co-worker was creeping her out or making unwanted sexual advances?

This fairly accurately describes my marriage.

15 years on Saturday.

On topic, a big PLUS UNO on don't expect someone to change drastically.

marcray · #10 10-03-2008, 10:15 AM

not enough info to comment... how important is the job? If it's at JC Penny and her co-worker is giving her hell 10 hours a day, then there is no point in being miserable 10 hours of the day and then having that built up misery coming home to you.

However, If she's teaching kindergarten and one of the teachers just annoys her at lunchtime, then maybe that's a cop out.

Maybe she'll get a better job. Maybe her life would be better.

Maybe you should ask her to marry you if you love her without question and want to spend the rest of your life with her. She should probably say no however seeing as you questioned one of her choices so easily... I didn't know employment status was a question in holy matrimony.

I being facetious I know. I'm merely pointing out that I personally don't believe you're ready to marry anyone.

NS2A · #11 10-03-2008, 10:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marcray

not enough info to comment... how important is the job? If it's at JC Penny and her co-worker is giving her hell 10 hours a day, then there is no point in being miserable 10 hours of the day and then having that built up misery coming home to you.

True, but then get a job at Sears FIRST, then quit the JC job.

marcray · #12 10-03-2008, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NS2A

True, but then get a job at Sears FIRST, then quit the JC job.

yep, good point...

MonetBass · #13 10-03-2008, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spade2you

...I have a bad gut feeling that it's very easy for her to quit things....and I could be one of the next things she quits.

There you go. Get out before she does.

spade2you · #14 10-03-2008, 11:33 AM

I guess I really should investigate the exact reasoning, but I'll be the first to admit that I kinda shut down when she told me, although I kept a decent poker face. I really should investigate, so I will.

She's a very good person and very loving, but fear makes too many of her decisions. I think ultimately, the problem lies within the fact that nobody has ever made her stick with anything. My parents basically raised me with the opposite methodology, creating a strong willed individual that simply does NOT quit anything, although my brother is 3 years younger and basically was allowed to do whatever he wanted.

It's not worth throwing everything away at this point, but some sort of rule or possibly a deep discussion might be necessary.

EricF · #15 10-03-2008, 12:17 PM

My test-wife was a quitter. Quitters suck,

sarcastro83 · #16 10-03-2008, 12:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mark Latimour

What if the co-worker was creeping her out or making unwanted sexual advances?

In that case you tell your boss or call the police. You don't quit.

lowendgenerator · #17 10-03-2008, 12:48 PM

She doesn't want to quit working, she wants to change jobs to get away from a douchebag. As long as you're not a douchebag, I don't think you have anything to worry about. The fact that you come HERE looking for relationship advice doesn't do much for ya though...

MatticusMania · #18 10-03-2008, 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spade2you

So, yesterday my girlfriend informed me that she put in her 2 weeks at her job because she can't deal with a co-worker. She just applied to a few places, but nothing lined up yet.

Anyway, long story short, quitting seems to be the answer for everything when something gets too difficult. I'll admit it irks me since I'm the type who always gives 100% and never gives up, but realistically, I have a bad gut feeling that it's very easy for her to quit things....and I could be one of the next things she quits.

Dont plan on ever getting serious with this girl. If youre having fun and its not about anything more, no biggie, but dont plan on having a future with her.

I just left my wife last week. That being one of her problems (amognst many others). The thing is, she will ALWAYS quit once things get too hard. I work full-time and most of my check goes to paying bills, whats left over we would spend together. She worked an average of 20 hours a week for a long time, and her checks, while I suggested we save for such and such, seemed to go to booze and buying useless things and was always gone by the end of the weekend. In the end, we were no longer working towards the same goals, even though she wanted a family and all the such. I had to get out, and believe me, Im not one to support divorce. But how can you expect to get anywhere in life when youre dragging so much deadweight?

MatticusMania · #19 10-03-2008, 02:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EricF

My test-wife was a quitter. Quitters suck,

Test wife, eh? Is that what I get to call it? I dont like the sound of being divorced at 24.

MatticusMania · #20 10-03-2008, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lowendgenerator

She doesn't want to quit working, she wants to change jobs to get away from a douchebag. As long as you're not a douchebag, I don't think you have anything to worry about. The fact that you come HERE looking for relationship advice doesn't do much for ya though...

Why not? There are plenty of married and/or committed bass players who have been in relationships from a month to 30some odd years...

Aside from that, youre overassuming, someone being a total dousche is one thing, but if you can't deal with someone because they annoy you then youre not ready to face thereal world. Douchebags abound, you will run into at least one a day.