My girlfriend of almost five years keeps bringing up the marriage card.
I married the same woman twice and divorced her twice . The second time it was financially devastating.
I am NOT ever going thru that again.
Prenuptial was brought up and it was not pleasant.
Truth is I have a lot more than she does and probably ever will. It scares the hell out of me ,see financial devastation above.
This may be the beginning of the end ...
I'm not real happy about the situation that's been created and I feel I need to stand my ground on this one .
Im so damn scared of being ruined again I just can't allow myself to take the chance . So many people get divorced I just have lost faith in the whole idea. To me its just become a contract for someone to claim half your toys when their finished playing.
Do I love this women ? Yes I do ,very much . I guess I'm just not blinded by it or maybe I am on the flipside.
As someone who was married twice, and divorced twice (actually about to start my second next month) I can understand your reluctance.
Ive been with an awesome woman for the last year.
We've talked about the future and whatnot, but Ive told her that marriage may not be in the cards. My mind might change, say after 10 years or so.
Thankfully for me, with my two divorces, I had nothing for them to take, and they had even less so they werent able to file a response (Im presuming this with the second, as Ive discussed it with her).
The last chick I was with for about six years or so started asking where I saw us in the future and if there was anything in my life I was thankful for (the correct answer was of course supposed to be her).
I told her to leave and never come back. :)
Do not be bound OP, and if you will be, make sure that that prenup is signed and bulletproof. I have never been married, but from what I see, your assessment of marriage as an agreement to let them take half of your stuff if you have more seems correct.
It's really about time our society redefined what marriage is and what the terms are. A 55% divorce rate is proof of that fact.
You sound like a reasonable person, imo. I believe marriage is an outmoded institution and I don't believe most couples are naturally meant to spend the remainder of their lives together. We spend the time together that we're meant to and we move on. Why complicate it?
I remember Donald Trump once strongly suggested to get a pre-nup. Take that advice for what you will. :D
Don't let ANYBODY push you, or convince you that you should go against your gut feeling. If you do, you may (and probably will) live to regret that decision.
I'm not saying that true love that lasts forever doesn't or can't exist... but more often than not, marriage ends in divorce these days. So stick to your guns (and your pre-nup). You'll most likely get the "you wouldn't do this if you really loved me" card thrown in your face—if you haven't already—but then, you can always throw back the, "well if you really love me, and money is not an issue, then you'd have no problem signing a pre-nup".
There's no doubt it's a sticky matter, but that's just they way it is. If this makes her split, so be it.
I've been there (once, thank you very much—never mind twice!!), and I'll never put myself in that position again.
I decided a long time ago if I ever get married (and I probably won't) that there would be a prenup. I watched as one by one my parents brothers and sisters got divorced (my parents are the only ones in their respective families that have not divorced).
Most recently I've watched my uncle and good friend get absolutely drug through ______ (insert your preferred four letter word here) by his greedy, evil, unfaithful soon-to-be ex wife. All this after he took her BACK when she left the first time AND paid off the 15k in debt she racked up while she was out banging some other guy in a semi.
Get a prenup.
Yep, your gut should always be your guide. Ignoring it is always far worse than letting it be wrong, which it almost never is.
I have been living with my girlfriend for the past 9 years.
She'd love to get married, but she understands my reluctance. Neither of us are going anywhere without the other, we are very committed and faithful to each other, but there is no way I'm going down that road again.
The only thing that concerns me is the legalities if either of us dies, but we're working on some documents to take care of that.
This is why I have never gotten married, and will never get married.
Thank you, gentlemen, for reminding me of my blessing.
Marriage and love are two vastly different things.
There is no reason to get married.
"I'm not going to get married again. I think I'll just find a woman that hates me and buy her a house."
~ Willie Nelson
leave it to willie to put it in perspective
My daughter is a recent law school grad (so probably soon to be a barista at Caribou instead of a barrister) and worked in family law her last year doing divorces and child custody cases. Her take: "Anyone that gets married without a pre-nup is a fool".
You have no children, which is a huge plus. You can leave pretty easily.
Do you want marriage at all some day? If so, stick with her and maybe think of marriage way down the road, and make it known that marriage is in the future, but not now.
If you never want to get married and she does, then the relationship is over. It'll end some day; the sooner the better, otherwise you're both wasting your time.
If one of you wants kids, and the other doesn't; same thing. It won't last forever. Don't expect one of you to change, or be changed. It will kill the relationship eventually, so why not just do it now?
Your call. But make sure your long-term goals are the same or it'll be a waste of your time. You should find someone else that wants what you want.
The benefits of marriage have to do with health care, and visitation rights if they're in the hospital. Either way: pre-nump is a huge must. It sounds like you learned that the hard way.
Hope you end up happy. Good luck!
Not going to lie, but hearing stories on TB have made me somewhat uninterested in marriage (hope the GF doesn't ready this :hiding:). It's not that I don't believe two people can't mate for life and be happy and successful together, but I'd rather not lose half my stuff just because a relationship ends. I've heard incidents of pre-nups not working in court, so I'd rather just cut the whole process out.
To those who married the same woman twice: You don't pull old food out of the garbage and eat it. You should recycle a woman you've discarded, either.
To the OP: Did you tell this woman sometime before now that you didn't have any intent on getting remarried?
Pre-nups: There's no such thing as a "bullet-proof" contract. With a pre-nup, your simply hoping that your soon-to-be-former spouse doesn't have the capacity or willingness to fight it.
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