Which is more intimate?

GeneralElectric · #1 12-08-2008, 09:54 PM

I was wondering which do you think is more intimate?

I've been seeing my exgirlfriend a lot, and I've refrained from actual sexual contact, since I'm not sure if I want to commit to anything and I don't want to lead her on; especially since I've known her for 16 years and we've dated for 4 of them.

She spends her nights here with me, and we sleep together, but we don't have any sex. Just spooning and sleeping is about all we're doing in bed.

I told some girl at school the situation and she said that sleeping with someone is more intimate than actual sex. Do you agree or disagree?

Mods, if you don't think this is OT friendly, maybe move this to the lobby? I'm not sure.

EagleMoon · #2 12-08-2008, 10:03 PM

Well, seeing it from the woman's point of view, I'd say that sex is a lot more intimate than just spooning. Both are intimacy, but sex is pretty much the ultimate intimacy. I've heard that men usually think the other way around.

Ben Lesser · #3 12-08-2008, 10:06 PM

I think any kind of real physical closeness is intimacy. I'm inclined to agree with Eagle Moon in saying that sex is more intimate, but don't underestimate the intimacy of sleeping in the same bed in the manner which you are (i.e. spooning).

GeneralElectric · #4 12-08-2008, 10:10 PM

I personally thought sex was more intimate, but girls keep telling me its the other way around.

I guess sex in modern society is valued less as a close bond between loving partners than it used to be. The way the girls were trying to explain it was, was that you can have sex with a guy you just met in a bathroom, but to actually sleep together is more intimate because you're more vunerable, your guard is down, and you're actually comfortable with them.

Then again, most of the girls I know are whores so...

M@ddest_H@tter! · #5 12-08-2008, 10:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeneralElectric

I personally thought sex was more intimate, but girls keep telling me its the other way around.

I guess sex in modern society is valued less as a close bond between loving partners than it used to be. The way the girls were trying to explain it was, was that you can have sex with a guy you just met in a bathroom, but to actually sleep together is more intimate because you're more vunerable, your guard is down, and you're actually comfortable with them.

Then again, most of the girls I know are whores so...

I think I can agree with the girls you were speaking with, sex these days isn't valued for what it used to be. While sex is very intimate, these days you can screw anyone you meet so just sleeping in the same bed with someone you care about is very intimate when no sexual contact is made.

Georynn · #6 12-08-2008, 10:59 PM

Well, in my years of experience, both can be equally intimate. It depends on how you do it. You can make sweet love, or you can have grudge sex. Obviously rough, kinky stuff is less intimate if you do it that way, but sweet passionate sex can be way more intimate than any spooning ever could be.

If you want to be intimate, be intimate, what comes of it should flow naturally, if sex happens, it happens, if it doesn't don't force it, and remain intimate. nothing is less intimate than being distant and insincere...

bassrique · #7 12-08-2008, 11:13 PM

Loving sex is more intimate, and sleep usually follows anyway.

Of course the most intimate of all is the Vulcan mind meld:

Happynoj · #8 12-09-2008, 01:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Georynn

Well, in my years of experience, both can be equally intimate. It depends on how you do it. You can make sweet love, or you can have grudge sex. Obviously rough, kinky stuff is less intimate if you do it that way, but sweet passionate sex can be way more intimate than any spooning ever could be.

Yes. This.

Armueller2001 · #9 12-09-2008, 02:10 AM

Doggy style, dude.

coreyfyfe · #10 12-09-2008, 07:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeneralElectric

you can have sex with a guy you just met in a bathroom, but to actually sleep together is more intimate

Then again, most of the girls I know are whores so...

/that line of logic.

Obviously they don't see sex as something intimate, they see it as a tool for free drinks and a ride home. No offense to the girls you know.

Take it for what it means to you, but if you're just trying to keep it on the level, make sure she knows that. Don't give her false impressions.

Relic · #11 12-09-2008, 07:45 AM

It's not the act so much that dictates intimacy but rather the emotion (or lack thereof if applicable) behind it.
So, there really is no yes/no answer to the question, it all depends on how both parties feel towards each other.

MakiSupaStar · #12 12-09-2008, 09:02 AM

Is this the same chick you're traveling to Europe with?

GeneralElectric · #13 12-09-2008, 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MakiSupaStar

Is this the same chick you're traveling to Europe with?

Yes.

Araillac · #14 12-09-2008, 07:37 PM

Sex is more intimate, sleeping is more romantic.

Stumbo · #15 12-09-2008, 07:39 PM

GE, Why are you doing that?

You can be friends with benefits/no commitment, if you chose.

tplyons · #16 12-09-2008, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeneralElectric

I personally thought sex was more intimate, but girls keep telling me its the other way around.

I guess sex in modern society is valued less as a close bond between loving partners than it used to be. The way the girls were trying to explain it was, was that you can have sex with a guy you just met in a bathroom, but to actually sleep together is more intimate because you're more vunerable, your guard is down, and you're actually comfortable with them.

Then again, most of the girls I know are whores so...

Sex can be a selfish act. Spooning and sleeping is far more intimate, IMO, because it's a compromise, both need to be comfortable together to enjoy themselves.

GeneralElectric · #17 12-09-2008, 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stumbo

GE, Why are you doing that?

You can be friends with benefits/no commitment, if you chose.

Its a weird emotional mess for me. We moved across the country together to NYC after I graduated highschool in a Uhaul with the dog, bass equipment, and some clothes. Thats a big kind of commitment, since we left our families and comfort in an effort to try things out here in NY.

We broke up in May of this year, and it ended badly. Around the time of her breakup, we were toying with the idea of marriage (after a long engagement of course) and the whole thing just hit me terribly.
I was told I was jeapordizing her life and sobriety and that I couldn't see her anymore, which I always thought was a joke since I don't even drink that much on the rare occasions that I do drink. I became a manwhore, and me and her didn't talk very much, aside from the occasional conversation. We didn't even speak till the middle of September. We had maybe a half dozen or so conversations after that, usually on the phone; since whenever we met in person, I'd cause her to cry.

I didn't talk to her at all for the majority of November, and I didn't tell her when my dad died. I flew out back to San Fran with my family (as they were all visiting me when he passed)
It was a private service and I had invited some old highschool friends and my family there and I didn't notify her (or her family) of what happened.

However a few days after I arrived in California, I get a knock on the door and it was her. I told her to come back in an hour. She came back, we talked for a bit, and we've been doing that weird sleeping thing ever since.

I still have strong feelings for this girl. I'm comfortable having NSA sex with multiple partners because I don't form any emotional bonds with them.

The girl invited me to come to Europe with her this summer.

I could probably get back with her, but I'm not sure if I want to. This is because of the past hurt in the relationship, as well as the fact that I've emotionally started moving on (I like some other girl, even though we haven't done anything either)

Predicaments...

NJL · #18 12-09-2008, 09:18 PM

just sleeping together can be really intimate until someone lets one rip while they are asleep and wakes the other. the honeymoon is completely over at that point.

MysticMichael · #19 12-09-2008, 10:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeneralElectric

I told some girl at school the situation and she said that sleeping with someone is more intimate than actual sex. Do you agree or disagree?

You have to distinguish between emotional intimacy and physical intimacy, which unfortunately no longer correlate together as much as they once did, due to the widespread acceptance of sexual promiscuity. That sex could become devalued to the point that it's considered less emotionally intimate than just sleeping together is sad evidence of this fact.

The more widely that sexuality continues to be abused through such casual, vulgar behavior, the more this will continue to be the case...

MM

MakiSupaStar · #20 12-09-2008, 10:53 PM

Oh I get it. She's rich and cool and you feel you don't deserve her. Don't worry the decision, no matter how much you like to think it is yours, is hers. She'll decide whether or not to stay with you. I've been there. Ride it out and have fun. Wear lube when you spoon just in case everything slides into place.