Moving out after college, your thoughts?

[Vince S.]

I'm home for the summer from college, just wrapped up my sophomore year, and settling back into living in my parents' home for the summer.

My parents are very authoritarian with my siblings and me, and have many restrictions on what we can and cannot do. This thread isn't to complain about this; I respect that it's their house and their rules; that they are helping to finance my education and are kind enough to give me a place to live, so I have no problem obliging with their curfews and requests.

The problem I've been facing is what's going to happen after I graduate. I am majoring in English, but ultimately want to become a Paramedic. I am pursuing the English degree because I am interested in literature and writing, and having the degree will assist me in getting a career with EMS (college degree looks good on the resume), and since most EMS and fire departments have 20 year-and-out retirement/pension plans, I can retire in my mid-40s and either go into teaching with my English degree or go on to graduate school to pursue my Master's or PhD.

My parents are less than thrilled with my choice in becoming a Paramedic after college. I am already an EMT-Basic, so it's a 2 year course to "upgrade" to Paramedic. Many departments offer to send their EMT-Basic employees to Paramedic training at no expense, so tuition cost should not be an issue with the right employer. I've already started a preliminary career search, and have found some very impressive fire or EMS departments that I would love to work for. Some of the starting salaries are in the 40,000 to 50,000/year range.

My parents first implied heavily that they would not be happy with me becoming a Paramedic. Now that I'm halfway through college and the "future" looms nearer, they've really stepped up and have flat out told me that I cannot go into EMS. My dad first argued that it was a low-paying job; I showed him the numbers and figures that I researched, and turns out I would be making more money my first year as a medic than a first-year mechanical engineer at his company.

At that point, they dropped the money argument and stated what they really thought: EMS is a "low class" job. My parents are very traditional and care very much about social value and prestige; they would prefer that I get into a career that is considered prestigious by society, such as a doctor, attorney, engineer, architect, or professor. To them, a Paramedic has about as much social value as a garbageman.

It's come to a point where they have stated that I will not be allowed to move out of the house until I can fulfill two requirements:

1. Have a place of my own (an apartment, condo, etc.) and other necessary facilities/utilities (vehicle, insurance, medical, etc.) that I can fully pay for on my own, which leads to point 2...

2. Have a stable, well-paying career that they approve of (Hint: not EMS).

Any thoughts or ideas on how to further talk to them about this situation?

[tplyons]

So they're telling you that you can't do things while living in the house, but won't let you leave the house until you've done certain things? Seems like a bit of a double standard to me.

Have you explained to them the reasons you want to become an EMT? The twenty-and-out pension? The ability to help people?

I'm not sure about EMT's, but other service types around here don't make too much with their regular salary make a KILLING with overtime. Is this true with EMTs as well?

[Vince S.]

Originally Posted by tplyons

I'm not sure about EMT's, but other service types around here don't make too much with their regular salary make a KILLING with overtime. Is this true with EMTs as well?

Short answer, yes. Truth be told, EMT-Basics don't make that much money, but the salary increases as a Paramedic. A paramedic I spoke with said that his work schedule is 24 on duty/24 off duty/24 on duty, then 5 days off. This schedule allows one to be able to rack up an ridiculous amount of OT, or to snag a second job doing something else and making extra cash there.

And yes, I have explained my reasons to them, but they tune it out. My dad seems to have taken on a passive-aggressive stance to it where he'll come in and ask me almost everyday something along the lines of "so, have you outgrown that EMS nonsense yet?" or "so have you decided to do what's right?" and then sigh and walk out in anger when I tell him I'm still adamant about EMS.

[spade2you]

Why can't you just get into an EMT or Paramedic program now? I understand english might be a fun major, but that's just debt you're adding and years you're not out working.

[Vince S.]

Originally Posted by spade2you

Why can't you just get into an EMT or Paramedic program now? I understand english might be a fun major, but that's just debt you're adding and years you're not out working.

I'm already an EMT. I'm getting the college degree because it would greatly help my chances of getting hired.

[Finsterino]

Sounds like your parents are acting very selfish and childish. Its OK for them to lay down the rules when you live there for the summer, but they are out of bounds when TELLING you what to do with the rest of your life. They can try to influence, but it is your choice - do what feels right to you.

Kinda tough if they are paying the bills... can you just slide along for another year before you commit? Kinda slimy on your part, but ...

Be ready to move out soon, and finance your own education. Many people are successful with night school, or online classes. Can you get a job now as a para?

[mobax]

Originally Posted by Vince S.

....It's come to a point where they have stated that I will not be allowed to move out of the house until I can fulfill two requirements:

1. Have a place of my own (an apartment, condo, etc.) and other necessary facilities/utilities (vehicle, insurance, medical, etc.) that I can fully pay for on my own, which leads to point 2...

2. Have a stable, well-paying career that they approve of (Hint: not EMS).

Any thoughts or ideas on how to further talk to them about this situation?

I don't understand how your parents can prevent you from moving out of their house. As to how to talk to them, I would play along with them until graduation and then do my own thing. I understand that your parents are helping you graduate, but this does not give them the right to control your life. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a paramedic. I can not think of anything more fulfilling than the knowledge that you are saving lives. With all due respect, your parents sound like snobs.

[mjolnir]

I can't imagine why any parent would look down on a job as a paramedic. That is one of the most noble professions one can enter, IMHO.

You are a grown adult. Your parents have no legal authority to keep you in their home, you are free to leave at any time.

As for what you should do about the whole situation, I agree with mobax to a certain extent. You are being clear with your parents what you want to do, and if they continue to finance your education regardless of their rather adamant reservations about your career choice, then you should take advantage of that and finish out your degree. You should, however, begin to prepare for the possibility that they'll cut you off financially. You can rough it on your own and finish your degree without your parents' help, you just have to make sure you prepare for this possibility well in advance.

[wazzel]

If being an EMT means that much to you tell you parents you are willing to quit college, get a job and do it on your own. You are over 18 they can not force you to stay there. It is your life you have to be happy with the rest of it.

[fenderhutz]

Get your education they are paying for, and be what you want to be.

If not you will regret your "office" job you never wanted in the first place.

My mom was a LPN for years, one thing is for certain, you will hardly ever be out of a job as an EMT or a paramedic as long as you are good at what you do.

Nothing against your dad, he sounds like a control freak.

[Visirale]

You're over 18... they can't tell you that you can't move out... well they can, but nothing is stopping you from actually doing it. It may cause some friction, but you have to do what makes you happy. Prove them wrong.

[Fontaine]

no offense, but you parents are morons.

my word, for the day.

[Bass Viking]

Originally Posted by mjolnir

I can't imagine why any parent would look down on a job as a paramedic. That is one of the most noble professions one can enter, IMHO.

+1. It's also an extremely important job. Maybe some day one of your parents will require the services of a paramedic and realize that.

I think this is bad parenting. They should want you to be happy in what you're doing. Not trying to live up to their expectations, which will only breed resentment.

[fenderhutz]

I want to ask a serious question.

Are you of Asian descent Vince?

I have some friend that their parents were the same way and they were of Asian descent.

"Making the family proud" "Living up to the name" "Working for your dad's company" all sound too familiar.

[Cassettes]

Hey!

being a garbage man is noble!

maybe one day so much garbage will stack up in your house and only a garbage man can save you.


edit: I am Somalian and I want to become a musician and my parents only want me to be a doctor, engineer, lawyer, architect, etc

anything besides that is useless to them. Haha.

[Bass Viking]

Originally Posted by Vince S.

At that point, they dropped the money argument and stated what they really thought: EMS is a "low class" job. My parents are very traditional and care very much about social value and prestige; they would prefer that I get into a career that is considered prestigious by society, such as a doctor, attorney, engineer, architect, or professor. To them, a Paramedic has about as much social value as a garbageman.

You know, they should be proud that you've got ambition and are trying to become a productive member of society. When I think of a couple of my relatives that have sponged off other's money to support their lifestyles, your parents have nothing to be ashamed of.

[TrooperFarva]

Originally Posted by mobax

I don't understand how your parents can prevent you from moving out of their house.

+1

That's the basic point. If you're graduating from college, you're around 22. You're not exactly 'running away from home' if you leave.

[Fontaine]

Originally Posted by mobax

I don't understand how your parents can prevent you from moving out of their house.

this is true.

Here are the steps:

1) pack your bags

2) put on your shoes

3) open the front door

4) walk.

Congratulations your out of their house.

[Vince S.]

Originally Posted by fenderhutz

I want to ask a serious question.

Are you of Asian descent Vince?

I have some friend that their parents were the same way and they were of Asian descent.

"Making the family proud" "Living up to the name" "Working for your dad's company" all sound too familiar.

Yes, I am. Both my parents are first generation Americans and immigrated from Taiwan. I respect them greatly in that they moved from another country knowing nobody and little English, and being able to realize the "American dream". However, I do think it's rather hypocritical, especially for my dad, who left his family back in Taiwan to come here to pursue his career, and then turn around and tell me I can't follow my dreams.

[FrizzleFry]

That kind of frustrates me, There always seems to be a need for paramedics and I don't understand how your parents can't see that, Have they ever been critically injured?