Music is my life; Sadly!

[tspallone]

Music has been my life. Hasn't quite worked out the way I planned it but, what does? Anway, I'm 51 with a 16 and 13 year old sons who have only been involved with baseball, soccer, video games, baseball, baseball and, baseball. My oldest has asked me to teach him guitar and I've purchased a whole cd package of tutorials and, frankly, with Youtube, what else do you need? But, it's almost my feeling that I want them to stay away from music. Like women, "they'll only break your heart". I know, we can find a million reasons to get involve. And, there I am, still pumping out bass beats but, I almost want them to avoid the whole thing. Perhaps if there's a healthy perception of music and it's industry (not like the one I had) and they might want to learn guitar to sit on a beach and strum and perhaps, get laid in the offering. Fine. Nice clean fun. But, I'm fearful that they'd end up like me and want to pursue a "higher calling" and wanting to play the "big stage" all over the world. I've sort of avoided the discussion as some avoid the "where baby's come from" talk (had that at 12. No biggy) but, I sometimes feel guilty about not diving full-in with them. Anyone else feel this with their kids?

[Munjibunga]

Conversely, I was hoping my daughter (15) would be a musician - not professionally, but as an avocation. She's into sports. I'm not, except when she's playing.

[RxFunk]

Determine why he wants to play, if you feel his reasons are genuine, get him a decent beginner instrument. If, after a set amount of time that you determine, he still likes it, and wants to continue pursuing music, I say let him, maybe pay for some lessons as well. Just my opinion, YMMV.

[spade2you]

I hope my son will pick up guitar or bass. He has the potential of inheriting quite the collection.

[St Drogo]

Women can only truly break your heart if you first had the time of your life with them. That's part of what makes it so painful. You really want to deny your kids one of the most meaningful, fulfilling and flat out fun experiences of their lives, just to keep em from (potentially) getting hurt?

[scorpionldr]

Originally Posted by St Drogo

Women can only truly break your heart if you first had the time of your life with them. That's part of what makes it so painful. You really want to deny your kids one of the most meaningful, fulfilling and flat out fun experiences of their lives, just to keep em from (potentially) getting hurt?

First part questionable. But mainly I think he's trying to avoid his sons from chasing a music career like heroin hero in South Park; it's like a dragon you chase after and never catch.

Personally I can share in it. My passion was strong and it's destroyed friendships and career paths and even then as I'm growing up and trying to keep my **** together I'm still hungry for it. And I........am a complete, total, absolute, ****ing moronic WEIRDO!!!!!!

[BassMom88]

It seems like you can take it one step at a time and see where it goes. That being said, I'm so glad my daughter casually said three years ago at the age of 13, "I think I might like to try bass". My husband had one for her the next day. That simple act set an amazing course of life-changing events into motion that I wouldn't change for anything.

I think if there's an opportunity to add music to your life in any way shape or form to go for it! Your son is so lucky to have a dad who is a musician and what a great opportunity for you to have something you can teach him/bond over in his last few years of high school.

[St Drogo]

Ok let me nuance a bit what I was saying.

I didn't mean to say let your kids go lose their life in a hopeless quest for that big break that might never come, missing oppurtunities along the way. But to me making music is one of the most pleasurable things one can do, not to mention it teaches kids about discipline, putting in the effort if you want something, get a feeling of personal accomplishment, teaches them to work together with people and so on. I truly believe music is one of the pinnacles of human achievement, and I might have misread, but I got the impression you wanted to deny them all that just to keep then from going too far with it and getting disappointed and regrets.

As bassmom said, your kids are lucky. They got an old man who's been there, done that. You can guide them gently, without them having to miss out on a great way to express themselves, better themselves and in my perhaps overly dramatic opinion; explore one of the most fascinating aspects of the human condition.

Disclaimer: I do not have any kids. I still believe what I said, but I'm aware I might be missing a whole chunk of things to keep in mind when talking about kids, so feel free to ignore me if I don't know what I'm talking about

[MatticusMania]

I stopped "chasing the dream" in my early twenties, and I still love to play.

I think you can simply enough explain to your kids the state of the industry and the difficulty of making ones way into it so that theyll have realistic expectations and not end up on the ever elusive trail to stardom.

Music, to me, is about my need for artisitic expression.

[LiquidMidnight]

My father was a semi-professional bass player as well who taught me the bas(s)ics of the instrument. If anything, I got to see what being a gigging musician was all about from the inside, and that really helped curb any romantic notions of becoming a rock star (let's be honest, we all day dream about it, but I always had a realistic approach to music). That's just my personal experience, which may not generalize to everyone.

Music can be a very frustrating endeavor - I get that. But it also has the potential for great rewards.

[Tony Flow MMMM]

My father was a musician for almost 10 years. Living on the road having girls in every city. But I never chased that.. I play in a couple bands for the fun, to be part of the community, and be a use it just feels right.

[slobake]

My son has never shown in interest in playing music. My grandson however can already keep a steady rythm with me on his mini drumset at 5-years-old.
I have never been an all out music guy which is probably why I'm not a great bassist. Life happens and I want to be involved. Still I love playing music and so does my grandson.

[hypapanuse]

My kids played various instruments but never pursued it. Out of 5 grandchildren, the girl plays violin and piano. One boy is a drummer, one plays sax, one wants to play guitar and the little guy is yet too young. I'm hoping one day to start a band with them just for kicks.

[Mike M.]

My son (who's now 30) was learning guitar when he was about 13, or so. I had a guitar that I let him use and he was self taught with some help from me. Actually, he was making some pretty decent progress, but his interest in it turned out to be short lived. He was at it for about a year and a half and then got into other things like electronices....and girls! He's now married, working full time and has two young boys.

This was great.....they stopped by once with my first grandson was he was about a year old. I wondered what he'd think about my acoustic guitar, so I took it out, capo'd it around the 5th fret and played some "higher pretty things" that babies generally like. No reaction. Tried a few more higher things....nope. Took the capo off and started playing some lower, bluesy things.....instant reaction and the more I played the more into it he got! I mean REALLY getting into it! Waving his arms, making vocal sounds and bobbing up and down! I was just amazed by this and by the connection he made to blusey sounds. I thought "yeah....you've been around before."

[BassChuck]

For my understanding of the world, you don't decide to become a musician. You either are or you aren't. And if you are, then you have to decide how you're going to deal with it. I've seen some people, who clearly are musicians, turn their back on it totally; won't go to concerts, listen to music or deal with it in any way. Others find jobs that they can do and play music as much as their life will allow. Still others go the full route and deal with those problems.

For musicians, music is an obsession that has to be monitored and dealt with, like any other obsession in life. For the hobbiest, music can be a fun outlet and done or not done.

IMHO.

[AngelCrusher]

Originally Posted by Tony Flow MMMM

My father was a musician for almost 10 years. Living on the road having girls in every city.

Its pretty awesome..I will say..lol. Can get stressful though.

You have to make dreams and achieve them. I think if you have an entrepreneurial side and good ideas, you can make good money and still get to play a lot. It takes the pressure off of chasing hits all the time.

Ehh, there is a lot to this topic for me..maybe one day I will gather all my thoughts and write more about it.

[gregmon79]

I don't have kids so I may feel differently if they were actually my boys, but my girlfriend has 2 boys, 14 and 9. The 9 year is nothing but video games. It actually worries me at times how much he plays those things. The 14 year old is into reptiles very largely. He's really passionate about that stuff. He's one of those kids that's good at a lot of things, sports, school and other stuff. He recently asked me to teach him some bass. So I did. He is picking it up quickly. I also have a play (occasionally) guitar. He picked that up and seemed to be a little more into that so far. Which is fine. I just think it's cool he's picking up music period. I think it's one of the most important things to teach kids, music. Anyhow, I'd encourage it as much as you can. Don't think about it too much. Just be honest with him and treat him like you would a young adult. That's the key to me, not thinking about stuff such as this too much and try to control outcomes or the way they think of something. Just be open minded and honest IMO.

[tspallone]

I've got him a starter guitar and amp and such and, as I said, the tutorials and dvd's, etc. I'm almost of the mind that, if he REALLY wanted to pursue it, he just would, as I did. My parents didn't know nothin' from nothin' about the inner workings of music. My dad always had that weird look on his face after forcing me to play my trumpet part from 6th grade band. "That don't sound right!". "Uhh, it's called HARMONY Dad! That's my part!"

So, of course I wouldn't talk them OUT of getting into any sort of musical intrument if they showed interest. But, as my oldest son finishes up his sophmore year and is becoming more and more aware that he just might not get the call to pitch for the Yankees out of High School, it depressing ME to inform him that RUSH might not be looking for a bass player replacement.

So, I guess....you're looking at college and yada, yada, yada....whatever.
Am I cynical? I guess. I mean, I spend day after day in a office staring at a computer screen and I'd hate for my kids to end up like that but, times have changed I guess. Can a person make a decent living with music? And I'm not talking about becoming a "star". Just a working musician....

Want to become a doctor or lawyer? Go to school, graduate, bango, you're a doctor or lawyer.

Want to become a musician? Go to school, graduate, bango, you're selling lawnmowers in Home Depot.

See my point? It's all very depressing to me.

Now, if we lived in a country that promoted the arts!!!........

[gregmon79]

I totally see your point about sitting in front of a computer screen all day. I do the same thing. It sucks sometimes but I'm grateful I'm working. And I get my two bands to supplement my passion for all things music. And yes, it's damn hard to make a living being a practicing semi to professional musician IMO. The only guys I know what make a living off of it, well, they don't. They have day jobs too. That's all I've ever wanted to do, make a living playing MY music. Not a cover band. I've never been interested in making butt loads of money and being famous. Never will. But to get a following of enough people to show at your gigs so that you could pay your way through life. Now that's what I'm talkin about. But it's nearly impossible once you get kids in the picture. I'm not saying kids are bad. They're great. But when you settle down and have kids in your life it all changes. I don't dilute myself into thinking I'll ever be able to tour let alone support myself on gigging with my bands. It sorta sucks. But then again, I'm happy I still have the ability to play let alone play with other like minded musicians. I guess we all need a dose of reality at times. But we all choose our own paths in life. We all choose who were going to be. And whatever your son wants to do, gotta show support. My dad had a bigger a bigger vision for me I'm sure. But he knows I do the best I can at what I do do and I'm relatively happy. So I suppose he's happy for that. It's always about perception and acceptance in my book. Well, there's more involved, but that's what my happiness boils down to. Sorry for the rant. Not even sure that's what you were getting at but that's where I thought you were going

[dullsilver_mike]

As far as I'm concerned, every community needs artists of every kind and musicians among them if it hopes to be healthy. In that sense, it is a higher calling to compose and/or perform music well even if you have no aim of "making it big" or even making your primary income from it.

The old model of rockstardom is socially useless now anyway, a nation-wide celebrity can't teach anyone anything. Having artists and performers in our local communities, however, is a great way to keep people of all generations engaged, in love with their neighbors and neighborhoods, and busy making good things happen instead of sitting on our butts swallowing whatever is spoon fed to us. That's why, even if a talented musician only makes his music on the side, he's still doing something important that he should feel good about.

Maybe my slant on it is a bit over the top, but I truly believe it. If you sit down and discuss music in those terms, you can still emphasize how special and important music is without setting up false hopes of making it big or even of making it his primary means of support (if he's just asked to start, it's probably way too early for him to be thinking of a career in it anyway).