My 16 year old sister and my mom.

Radical Edward · #1 03-09-2011, 01:25 AM

Okay, so I'm not sure what, if anything, I can do here.
My little sister just turned 16 last month and she has since gotten her nose pierced and I just seen her Facebook status as "Finally got some tattoo's. " As in Plural. My mom obviously has to pay for and sign off on these and I don't understand where my mom is even getting the money for this when I have to buy food for her often. My little brothers and my little sis where pretty much raised by me until I turned 15 and got sick of it and told my mom that I wasn't going to give her a choice anymore and she was going to raise her own kids one way or another.
Now that I'm not around I feel guilty for not sticking around and making sure they don't get into trouble anymore, but I'm an adult now and I help out where I can, but I have my own kid, my own drama, and my own BS to deal with. I can't care for my mom, her kids, my kid, my daughter's dad, and myself. I just can't..
But, alas my whole point. What can I do here? I've been talking to her a lot and she's really opened up to me, but she still continues to make such terrible decisions and my mother doesn't do anything. She encourages it, even. Any advice from some parents of older children? Any way I can reach out to her and help her make more sound decisions would be really amazing.
Sigh... .

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARggg!!

**pacojas** · #2 03-09-2011, 01:46 AM

it is almost futile,... sorry. people have some thing to prove and nothing will change them except something on the scale of an "Event Horizon"! i wish you the courage to suceed in your own endeavours.

i have a son who will not listen to my BEST heart-felt advice. he is now going to spend time in prison. i feel responsible for NO reason. i was every level of helpful in his life as is witnessed by his sucessful brother & sister.

the worst part is,... HE'S THE BRILLIANT ONE!!!!

(oh the sorrow,... oh the PAIN) gl&GB

hrodbert696 · #3 03-09-2011, 04:30 AM

No, you can't control the situation, and you can't hold yourself responsible for the actions of others. On the other hand, don't completely disengage either. Be available to your younger sister -- she probably looks up to you in all kinds of ways you don't realize -- so that she knows she can talk to you when she's ready to. Getting a tattoo isn't going to kill her. But she needs to be able to come to you when there's a bigger deal happening.

dj150888 · #4 03-09-2011, 06:15 AM

Piercings are insignificant, she can take them out if she decides she doesn't like them any more. I've been heavily pierced for years, always with the intention of taking out any facial piercings when I'm applying for a job that I intend on making a career out of, fortunately I'm still at university and had the time to experiment that way.

Tattoos - how significant it is really depends on where she's been tattooed. If its not on public skin, she may grow to dislike it, but it'll never have any impact on her employability.

I'm a bit biased on the piercings/tattoos thing, since I have both, however, with my tattoos, I always spend at least 6 months thinking about an idea before I get it inked, and I waited until I was 20 to get my first, despite wanting one since around 15. My first one was the same design I wanted at 15, so not EVERYONE regrets tattoos they get at a young age.

The underlying issue, however, is a lot more important. All I can suggest is making sure she always knows you're available to talk and advise her.

DWBass · #5 03-09-2011, 06:34 AM

I have a cousin who is heavily pierced and she just turned 18! Kids these days just have a need to establish their identities. I say as long as they remain good kids and are responsible young adults, let them be! In any case, kids are going to do what they're going to do anyway. Life lessons! They need to learn them. Sometimes the hard way!

Oooo....the stuff I'm goin through with my 17 y/o son!!!

Ziltoid · #6 03-09-2011, 06:41 AM

OoOOooO a new blog entry

i_got_a_mohawk · #7 03-09-2011, 07:01 AM

Tattooing laws must be different in the US, need to be 18 to get one over here.

DWBass · #8 03-09-2011, 07:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by i_got_a_mohawk

Tattooing laws must be different in the US, need to be 18 to get one over here.

I think it's the same here but it is mostly goverened by the cities (no Federal legislation) and some probably don't give a flying yunowhat!

http://www.faqs.org/faqs/bodyart/tat...ection-12.html

MJ5150 · #9 03-09-2011, 07:22 AM

Are the "terrible decisions" her getting tattooed and pierced? If so, that sounds like more of personal preference than actually doing something wrong.

One of your best options here is to lead by example. Let your sister see the positive decisions you make, and then the good results that come from it. My son is almost 22 now, and I get through to him most effectively when I am doing what I am advising him to.

-Mike

L-A · #10 03-09-2011, 07:38 AM

Tattoos! Oh teh noes!

basstotheface · #11 03-09-2011, 08:07 AM

Haven't you started like 2 threads about getting new tatoos? If i wasnt on my phone i'd post the url.

Kwesi · #12 03-09-2011, 08:39 AM

I don't get the impression that these terrible decision's that Mikaela is talking about are the piercings and tattoos. Since she's has a few I'd expect that she'd be accepting of them as long as they're tastefully done, which they might not be. I think we should wait until she chimes in again to make judgements.

I'm with everyone else here on the issue though, it's out of your hands. You have a life of you're own to live and I'm sure you have a decent amount on your plate without having to raise your sister (again, no less). Do what you can but don't kill yourself over something that you just can't control. At some point you just have to let go, hope for the best, and be a good role model and sister when the time comes, and it will.

CrispyDelicious · #13 03-09-2011, 08:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ziltoid

OoOOooO a new blog entry

MJ5150 · #14 03-09-2011, 09:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kwesi

.....I think we should wait until she chimes in again to make judgements.

No way. We have all day to speculate and draw conclusions before she comes back to clarify her comment.

-Mike

EdHunter · #15 03-09-2011, 09:09 AM

There's no way in Hell I'd even consider a piercing...

MakiSupaStar · #16 03-09-2011, 09:11 AM

I call it stupid money. Stupid people doing stupid things with money. I see it a lot in the neighborhood that I teach. Parents on welfare, living month to month, check to check, yet they have huge flat screen TV's, multiple gaming systems, full service cable, their kids have the latest cell phones and sneakers, but they can't pay rent.

L-A · #17 03-09-2011, 09:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MakiSupaStar

I call it stupid money. Stupid people doing stupid things with money. I see it a lot in the neighborhood that I teach. Parents on welfare, living month to month, check to check, yet they have huge flat screen TV's, multiple gaming systems, full service cable, their kids have the latest cell phones and sneakers, but they can't pay rent.

Stupidity is much better at collecting its taxes than any government.

Kwesi · #18 03-09-2011, 09:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MakiSupaStar

I call it stupid money. Stupid people doing stupid things with money. I see it a lot in the neighborhood that I teach. Parents on welfare, living month to month, check to check, yet they have huge flat screen TV's, multiple gaming systems, full service cable, their kids have the latest cell phones and sneakers, but they can't pay rent.

+1. I see it everywhere.

EdHunter · #19 03-09-2011, 09:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MakiSupaStar

I call it stupid money. Stupid people doing stupid things with money. I see it a lot in the neighborhood that I teach. Parents on welfare, living month to month, check to check, yet they have huge flat screen TV's, multiple gaming systems, full service cable, their kids have the latest cell phones and sneakers, but they can't pay rent.

When I live in Florida, there was a biiiiiiig trailer park, full of rusting old pickups, barefoot kids and dilapidated trailers which had, without fail, a satellite dish the size of thir leaking overground pool...

warwick.hoy · #20 03-09-2011, 09:29 AM

Sounds like you've already washed you hands of the situation Mika,...continue to do so. If they can't afford to eat because they spent their money on dumb ****; then drive em down to the food bank instead of giving them money. Let them eat nearly expired wilted produce and stale cereal,...perhaps after then they will think twice about disposing of their non disposable income.

Giving them money for food is just allowing them to be stupid,..."oh here,...get a tattoo with our grocery money,...Mikaela will buy us food,...." Cut that **** out. I know it's hard to watch you family suffer but if you show them the same tough love that you did when you were 15,...they'll either figure it out,...or find another tit to suckle from.

Sounds like you're mom is too busy being her kid's friend and not being her kid's parent.

Please Note,...this is coming from a married man with no kids and no plans to have kids EVAR (snip snip,...okay adoption is not out of the question).