My Father Died Today.

[MikeyFingers]

I know I'm not a very popular member here. I don't talk to anyone here outside of the forum and I'm only on here once or twice a week. But I know that this place is at least respectful and mature enough for me to post this and get a respectful, mature response.

I just feel like I need to talk about it. I don't know. I'm a thinker. My dad called used to call me an intellectual. If I just sit here, at home alone, I'm gonna drive myself crazy thinking about it.

Anyway, my dad's been in the hospital for almost a week. He was having a hard time breathing and some issues with blood circulation. His heart was always working overtime because he was quite overweight.
There were a number of complications toward the end, but the point is that his heart seemed to just give up. He passed away this afternoon, around 5:30.

This is the first time I've lost a parent. I'm 25 years old. It hurts like hell, but it's weird at the same time. If I'm not actually talking about it, it feels like a dream. It hasn't 100% sunk in yet, like being in shock. We haven't gotten into the insanity of arranging a funeral and everything else, so this is just that gray area of down time when I can't do a damn thing but sit here and stew in it.

I told my friends and obviously my family knows. Now I'm just sitting around my house, bored. I'm super stressed and feeling cooped up, and I felt like getting it out. So there it is.
My father, Thomas Nelson Sr., passed away today. He was 59 years old, a long-time member of the local fire department, he was absolutely loved by everyone he met, and was easily the most intelligent, articulate, compassionate, and all around greatest guy I've ever known in my life. He is sorely missed already. The world lost a great man today.

Thanks for listening, TB. Like I said, even though I don't have any "friends" here per se, at least it's a safe environment to get things off my chest and try to relieve a little inner tension.
I think I'm going for a walk now, I need to clear my head.
Thanks again guys.

[hover]

You have my deepest condolences. Very sorry for your loss.

[MJ5150]

Going for walks is a good idea, getting your thoughts down on paper or on a keyboard is a good thing too. Give yourself some time to grieve, and don't be embarrassed or afraid to cry.

-Mike

[fourstringdrums]

You have my sympathies. I'm only 30 and the woman who I hoped would be my future mother in law passed away this week. If you need to talk, send me a PM. Maybe I can provide some recent perspective based on what my girlfriend and I are going through.

Rob

[RBetoGT]

hey man,

really sorry to read this, I cannot imagine how hard could it be, I am 26 now, loosing my pa would also drive me crazy. I will pray for you and for your dad, as I know that he is already in heaven, from the description that you gave

I don't want to tell you what to do, you are going to find it out, but be there for your mom and think of him as a example (as I know he was for you) and try your best to make him proud, he will be watching you.

I lost my grandpa' some years ago, and I was also devastated, he was my 2nd pa' and I have the honor to carry his name in my heart and ID
try to clear your mind, spend time with friends, family; practice your hobbies, do whatever you need to try to clear your mind.

play bass some good tunes may come out from the rollercoaster of feelings/thoughts that you're living atm

you have here a family as well

[fenderhutz]

Man 59 isn't old at all. While you may not think of yourself as a popular TB member, we all share similar experiences and events in life and can show support. Take time and reflect on the things that made your dad happy while trying to get through this. Sorry for your loss.

[cheezewiz]

My condolences. I'm 47 and lost my dad when I was 13. I still think of him every day. The greatest tribute you can make to your father is to live a life that would make him proud.

[MakiSupaStar]

Wow. Sorry to hear this. Hang in there. You got my good vibes from out here in Cali.

[Skitch it!]

Sorry to hear of this Mikey, that kind of loss is a huge shock to the system, try to take it as easy as you can. Grieving is a natural state that has to come out, give yourself the time and space and remember the days back when, take care big fella, I wish you peace.

[WackoStu]

I'm so sorry. I lost my Dad in 2003. I still have days where I miss him more then I care to admit, but it gets better, That's what you need to remember. It gets better. Slowly, step by step your heartache will be replaced with good memories and stories. It seems like after you lose a parent you truly see just how much you are like them in ways. My heart goes out to you, my friend, and I am here if you need to talk.

[WackoStu]

What RBeto GT said above is a good idea. Play your Bass. You can express some of those pent up feelings through your instrument.

[Kawai-chang]

My deepest sympathy.

[UncleFluffy]

My condolences. It's going to hurt for some time, but it will pass and grieving is one of the things that makes us really human.

Try and think of the good times too, and do his memory proud.

[waleross]

If your dad was in the Fire Dept, then perhaps there are
pre-arrangements that you overlooked. In any case you should console your mother and help her as best as you can. I lost both of my parents and most recently my mother.
From these losses, I have gotten stronger and more focused on my goals and what is important.........................Take care.....

[Punk Rock Jason]

Sorry to hear about your dad. I'm 29 and can't even begin to think what that would be like. Your dad sounds like he was a great guy and I'm sure he'll be missed. Remember the things that you loved about him and try pushing some of the emotion around with your bass.

[nutdog]

Sorry for your loss.

[onewebfoot]

Mikey, to some degree I can relate. My mother recently passed away, very suddenly, and she was the first parent I lost.

She fell into a near-instant coma from a blood vessel in her brain bursting. This happened when she was with my father on HIS 80th birthday. This was the DAY before Easter. I had to GIG on EASTER DAY knowing she was basically gone, flew down that night, and with 4 members of her immediate family at her side, the doctors shut down the machines, and she passed away near instantly the day after Easter. We had the memorial or life-celebration service the DAY before MOTHER'S DAY, and this coming weekend, I'm flying down to be with Dad on what WOULD have been their 50th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.

I can relate. I'm not bemoaning my own loss to lessen yours, I'm simply trying to convey that I DO understand.

My prayers are with you.

-Vince

p.s. Some friends of mine have helped me through this by teaching me to recognize two things that have helped me in the past 7 weeks:
1. The grieving comes in waves. Don't fight it, but don't think that when you are tossing and turning in the tide of turmoil that it will last forever. It comes in waves.
2. For YOU, and for those others in your family, TALKING about stories about your father will help. I have to force myself to talk about Mom when I'm talking with Dad, but it does help HIM. It puts his own grieving into a slightly more management psychology, though I do NOT understand it. That's what they say, and I see it.

[bassteban]

I gotta run, but will read in depth later- just wanted to say that I don't know you well enough to like/dislike you, but I feel for your loss. I'll be back.

[sneha1965]

Don't worry about not being the most popular guy around here. I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to share your story here. I'm very sorry about your father. If you are able, I would highly recommend grief counseling. May I also suggest reading about the 7 stages of grief to help you understand the process and what you may find yourself experiencing. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[jawdc54]

MikeyFingers...I dont know you but I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my dad to CHF 9 years ago on Easter Sunday and it still hurts... His birthday is this week. He was 76 when he passed. Again...sorry for your loss. We are all humans....