My First Father's day, Probably My Father's Last.

jive1 · #1 06-19-2011, 10:10 PM

Talk about an emotional Fathers Day.....

My father suffered a brain hemmorage this morning. Kind of shocking considering I had lunch with him and my family yesterday, and he seemed to be in good health. But he had hypertension that he left untreated for too long, and that was probably the cause of it. Right now he's in the ICU on life support. He has a slim chance of making it, and even if he does, he'll probably be impaired.

I was estranged from my father for about 20 years, and he didn't pop back into my life until I got married around age 30. I wasn't close to the guy, and never really got a "family" vibe from him. But my father was limited, and after a while I came to accept that and find peace. And when my son was born, I found him to be a great grandfather, enough to put aside whatever hard feelings I may have had toward him. But now, I find myself making some difficult decisions for someone I had a hard time ever feeling close to.

I can't say my dad ever taught me how to throw a baseball, or how to hammer a nail, or anything like that. But, I've learned alot from him. And on this Father's Day, I'm learning what it really is to be a son.
- I've learned forgiveness from my father through practicing it on a regular basis.
- I've learned about redemption by seeing my father be a much better grandpa than a pa, and seeing how good can come from something that was once considered unsalvageable.
- I've learned about duty and doing the right thing regardless of the feelings you have or once had, and that time can heal wounds. The things I've done today for him, I would not have considered doing for him 15 years ago.
- I've learned that often you love the things you care for, and that through caring, you can find a way to love.

They'll never make a Disney movie about my old man, and I could never bring myself to send him a world's greatest dad T-shirt with sincerity. And I'll have to admit, there were many times I was just a crappy son. But, he's still my old man, and I'm thankful to have one, to know him, to have received life from him, and the lessons learned, whether they were intentional or not. Whether he makes it or not, I find peace in that we were able to make peace and that I got to experience a better side of him. But sadly, just as things were progressing well, this happened.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I'm exhausted.............

Smokin' Toaster · #2 06-19-2011, 10:18 PM

Man, that's a tragic turn of events, you have my deepest sympathy. I hope the prognosis is wrong and he surprises you by coming back 100%.

MJ5150 · #3 06-19-2011, 10:22 PM

I don't know what to say really, but I consider you a friend, so thanks for sharing bro.

Was your dad a Bears fan too?

-Mike

Jeff K · #4 06-19-2011, 10:23 PM

Congrats on your own fatherhood; and prayers and best wishes to your father. I can empathize. I was never close to my father; but later in his life we became closer. (He died in 1996.)

One thing that I came to realize was that despite the fact that he was never very warm or demonstrative, in his own way, he loved his kids dearly. He just couldn't voice it. I suspect your dad is the same way. Again, my thoughts and prayers are with both of you.

Atoz · #5 06-19-2011, 10:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeff K

Congrats on your own fatherhood; and prayers and best wishes to your father. I can empathize. I was never close to my father; but later in his life we became closer. (He died in 1996.)

One thing that I came to realize was that despite the fact that he was never very warm or demonstrative, in his own way, he loved his kids dearly. He just couldn't voice it. I suspect your dad is the same way. Again, my thoughts and prayers are with both of you.

This. It's what I see in my own Father.

ShredderMaximus · #6 06-19-2011, 10:31 PM

Wow, first time I ever got choked up from something on the internet, great post and the best of wishes to you, your father, and your son. Don't take this the wrong way, but I think people of Asian decent are especially tough and strong willed, like when the doctors started my little Filipino Grandma on dialysis about 99'-2000, they told she would have no more than 1-2 years. Sadly she passed away, but only after showing those doctors how resilient she really was. She survived for about 8-9 years going to dialysis 3 times a week. Just shows how strong the human spirit can be.

Best of luck man!

MakiSupaStar · #7 06-19-2011, 10:33 PM

Jong, I find a lot of similarities in your father's relationship with my relationship with mine. I went through a similar scare a little while ago, and he wound up with a pacemaker. There's not the complication of potential brain damage as with yours, but I do want to wish you the best and help you understand that no matter what the outcome better days lie ahead. So sorry to hear that this had to happen on such a timely day. I hope things get better and he's able to make amends as a grandfather (in many ways I think this might be a hidden purpose of this role in life). Best of luck my friend. Throwing lots of positive vibes your way from my family.

Btw, you look exactly the same now as you did when you were a baby.

Slapping Basset · #8 06-19-2011, 10:35 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your dad and I hope it turns around for you two. I've only had one stepdad that was ever there. Our time was short , about a year. He gave me the most to prepare me for life.
I think even though your dad didn't fit the profile of worlds greatest dad. He did something to you that made you the person your son needs.
This is my third fathers day. I take care of my girlfriends boy. Even though I've only had a real dad for one year of my life. I know what to provide for him to become a good honest man. I learned from what I didn't have.
Again I'm sorry to hear about your pain but I hope your family is stronger in the end.

**bassybill** · #9 06-19-2011, 10:51 PM

A distressing time for you and the rest of the family. I sincerely hope you all find the strength to cope with some resilience; I'm sure you personally will.

jp58 · #10 06-19-2011, 11:05 PM

I'm sorry to hear about that Jive. I'm sending good vibes your way.

GregC · #11 06-19-2011, 11:25 PM

I'm really sorry to hear about your father, Jong. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way. And thanks for sharing a story that really made me stop and think about my relationships with both my dad and stepdad.

Relic · #12 06-20-2011, 04:57 AM

So sorry to hear about this..

I wish you and your family the best and I sincerely thank you for sharing this with us.

mrpackerguy · #13 06-20-2011, 06:19 AM

Best, Jivey

sneha1965 · #14 06-20-2011, 07:11 AM

Jong, you've done a brilliant job expressing some truly meaningful life lessons. You are fortunate to have learned them and your outlook can certainly be a blessing to others. Your father is in my prayers.

Jim Nazium · #15 06-20-2011, 07:12 AM

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Thank you for that post, there's a lot of wisdom there.

Phalex · #16 06-20-2011, 07:19 AM

That really, really sucks......

I'm sorry man. Hang in there.

SBassman · #17 06-20-2011, 07:20 AM

Thanks for sharing that.

Prayers for your family.

Kawai-chang · #18 06-20-2011, 07:28 AM

This was a sad, and uplifting post. I wish you all the best for you, Pop, and Son.

P.S. frame that picture, and make sure that's how you remember Pop.

**nutdog** · #19 06-20-2011, 07:55 AM

A very moving post. Thank you for sharing during this difficult time.

**smperry** · #20 06-20-2011, 08:07 AM

Jong, I'm thinking of you and your family at this difficult time. I'm sorry that you're going through this.

It sounds like a number of us can relate. My father was around growing up but not really "there" and we had a terrible relationship, up until the last few months of his life, which was about 11 years ago. I've tried to learn things from the good and the bad, particularly now that I'm a father and husband.