Need Advice: Are we too young to move in together?

[Alcyon]

I'm 18 and my girlfriend is 19 and we've now been going out for a full year. I'm entering my second year of University here in Victoria, BC and am planning to move off campus (out of dorms), and she's considering moving out of her mom's house for her first year of university (she took a year off to go to Germany for three months). She suggested that we get a place together, as it'll be much cheaper, more convenient, plus, obviously nice to spend more time together. I didn't think about it that much at first; I had some slight misgivings about the idea since I like having my own space, but we're very comfortable with each other (she often stays over in my dorm room for a couple nights in a row). I think it'll be a good way for me to gain some independence and gain some skills I really don't have... For example, if I moved out alone, I have no idea how I would feed myself, having relied on the cafeteria's food points for the last year and never really having had to cook.

However, when I mentioned the idea to my parents and some of my best friends, they all reacted with surprise. My parents didn't say I couldn't do it, but they had some serious misgivings; they think that it'll be a big strain on the relationship and were worried that if it didn't work out that we'd feel 'trapped' together because of the housing arrangement (her parents don't mind at all, by the way). I think we'd be able to deal with any relationship issues, but even so, the rent is only on a monthly basis, and we both have other places to fall back on if it didn't work out. My parents also said that this age is a time to meet and date lots of people and were surprised that I wanted to "settle down" with somebody already. This seemed strange to me, as I've always felt that (and sort of been taught) that staying with one person is responsible and "good" thing to do, and while I occasionally consider what it would be like to take someone else out for dinner, this relationship is really happy, really comfortable, loving... It works.

I guess my question is, are we too young to move in together? I almost feel like I'm too laid back or relaxed about the idea, considering how strongly some people have reacted to it, and I feel pretty confused about the whole thing; she may be heading back to Germany for up to a year or more at some point, and I think that that would probably spell the end of the relationship, or at least a hiatus. Is it pointless to "take the next step" and move in together?

[bongomania]

I'd say just make sure you get a place with a month-to-month lease. That way if things go wrong in any way, you have only a short period of difficulty before finding a new living arrangement.

[Alcyon]

Originally Posted by bongomania

I'd say just make sure you get a place with a month-to-month lease. That way if things go wrong in any way, you have only a short period of difficulty before finding a new living arrangement.

That's definitely been the plan all along, and that's also why I don't think this is as big a deal responsibility-wise as people are saying. That might be why I'm so relaxed about the idea.

[Mark Latimour]

WHy not try it, but don't be afraid to pull the pin on the arrangement and the relationship if things arn't working out. You are young, relationshuips change over time. Generally speaking, I don't think of anyone less than 25 years old as adult as it really takes that long to just "know yourself" and what you want out of life. You may as well try it and enjoy the good things that come with it. If it doesn't work, then that's life!

[mothmonsterman]

wait until you've dated a few more years.
and you both have more life experience.
after a year, especially at that age you still have no idea about how your relationship is going to pan out.

As you both grow up in the college environment you will both change and do stupid things.

[armywalaby]

I was engaged when I was 19, and I'm glad that I didn't marry. However, my old Sergeant Major has been married to his high school sweetheart for 20+ years now, and they're still as happy as they were before with three kids out of high school.

You can listen to other peoples advice, but in the end you have to make the decision YOU want to make. You wouldn't want to be wishing you'd have done something different ten years from now because someone told you to, right?

[sarcastro83]

I live with my girlfriend... and there are days where I would kill to live on my own... no matter what the arrangement the concept of "your personal space" becomes meaningless. Ultimately, it will account for absolutely dink all, depending on how tight your living conditions are. Living with a woman can be alright, but it can be a massive headache as well.

Glad things are working out with the girl, mate, but do yourself a favour and wait quite a while longer before you move in with her. Find some of your guy friends and split on a place. You'd probably have a better time.

[i_got_a_mohawk]

I'd say it's too young. A year isn't all that long a period of time to have been with someone. My main reason for thinking you're too young is a couple of my friends did that at about the same age in both cases, the relationships went from being happy to cumbling within a matter of months.

Might not be the case with yourselves, my opinion is just from what I've seen happening.

[peabody]

At 18 if you're old enough to join the army and go off to war...you should be mature enough to live with your girlfriend. Don't get hung up on the age...look at the maturity level. If you feel you are both mature enough to handle things as adults, go for it.

[Rune Bivrin]

What's the worst that could happen? You have a falling out and move apart. Big deal...

There really isn't such a thing as too early. But too late is a reality. Ride the wave while it's good!

[Visirale]

You couldn't pay me then and you can't pay me now. I will not live with a woman until we get married. It is a great way to ruin a good casual relationship. That being said if you're thinking about the M-word at all, go for it... give it a try. I just know that I wasn't/am not ready to get married at 19/20 and probably wouldn't consider it until after grad school.

[MakiSupaStar]

Originally Posted by Alcyon

... My parents also said that this age is a time to meet and date lots of people and were surprised that I wanted to "settle down" with somebody already. ....

This is a mom's way of saying quantity over quality. Listen to Mom. She only wants the best for her son. Do NOT move in with her. You need to a place to bring home other chicks. What other chicks, you might ask? The chicks that you will meet and tap while you are in college. This is worse than bringing sand to the beach, water to the ocean, and whatever metaphor you want to hit yourself over the head with. If you "love" each other, do yourselves a favor and do not move in together yet. This will only end ugly, mostly likely when you, or she, or both of you get caught tapping someone else on the side.

[etoncrow]

My parents married in high school. We celebrated their 60th anniversary two years ago. I lived with a woman for a year when I was 20 and she was 18. We got along terrifically. It did not work out after a year as I would not stay in the city. We are still friends. I only remember meeting one woman during that time that made me wish I was not living with someone. Your references to this idea being so relaxed in your mind leads me to think that living together may be the next natural step in your relationship and your mutual growth regardless of whether you are still together twenty years from now. I say go with your heart.

[tasty sweeps]

always always always always always live alone before living with a lover [or whatever]. take a year, take two years. get a room mate that isn't your significant other if you have any respect for their mental well-being and yours.

it can be super rad living with a girlfriend, but i'd have to say that you're too young for it to be much more than a learning experience that may very well end in a godawful train wreck- but i'm not trying to scare you. do what you want. you two know yourselves better than anyone else, but you're at an age where a lot of things change and you can find yourselves doing things you didn't expect.

most importantly, be honest with yourselves and each other. give each other space. don't get too intimate too quickly. and for christ's sake make sure you both have a friend's couch to crash on in the event of an emergency.

keep it light and airy, don't use heavy words or get all into one anothers business.

a year is not a long time to be with someone, but it's still a real shitter when you break up and you have to live together for the next X amount of months. TRUST ME.

[baalroo]

If you do move in together the relationship will change. It may change for the better or it may change for the worse. As much as it may seem like "We already spend all our time together, so what's the difference?" there is a difference. It may ruin the relationship or it may make it stronger. I moved out with my GF when I was 18 and it was a fantastic, insane, miserable, wonderful, strange, painful, love filled, confusing, sexual romp, heartbreaking experience and I would guess most others who have done the same had a similar experience.

If you do it, it's even more important than normal to have a clear cut plan on how to pay for everything. It's easy to blow this part off and assume that you're the couple that's special and money problems won't effect you, but you'll be wrong. MAKE SURE you each have your own money and that you pay bills like roommates pay bills (seperate). I've seen relationship after relationship (including a few of my own) destroyed by stupid money issues that could have been avoided all together with a few ground rules early on.

[tplyons]

My ex-girlfriend lived with me for two weeks.

That statement alone should answer your question.

[MatticusMania]

A friend of mine was with his girlfriend from before the time they were 19, and lived together pretty much from the start. He's 23 now. Guess who's getting a divorce.

But, if its a situation you can easily get out of, then do what your heart desires.

[Atoz]

I don't think you're too young to move in together. My concern is why you'd actually want to.

[WalterBush]

YES. Be you, and find out who you are, on your own. It will make current and future relationships more stable, and give you a confidence and awareness of yourself that most people don't develop outside of living on their own.

[megadan]

I moved in with my girlfriend after about 6 months, we've been together for 4 years now. I believe I was 21 or 22.