Need some advice, kids & drugs

hdracer · #1 05-20-2010, 11:09 AM

So, I get home late from work last night, about 10:30. I pull my bike in the garage, take my helmet & gloves off to set them on the work bench and what do you think is sitting there? A BONG!!!!

It isn't mine, not the wife's,so I figure it to be my 16 year old's. I have kind of figured something has been up, school work not getting done, the usual stuff. I am not sure how to handle this with him. I have not been a saint in my life, done my share of partying in my life, REALLY enjoyed the '70's, if you know what I mean. I have been sober for over 20 years now. BTW, he is a member of this board and I hope he reads this.

MakiSupaStar · #2 05-20-2010, 11:17 AM

It's your house. Your rules. Period. Don't feel guilty because you partied in the past. It's irrelevant to his behavior and your expectations of him.

MatticusMania · #3 05-20-2010, 11:25 AM

My dad was always cool about finding my stash, or my pieces, ut that was after I was 18. He still didnt like finding that stuff around the house. He did save my butt from Mom on more than a few occasionas though.

I agree with Maki, its your house, punish him how you see fit.

warwick.hoy · #4 05-20-2010, 11:27 AM

Empty the bong out and put it on his bed in such a way that says hey I'm not stupid but you sure are. If he can't smoke pot without getting busted by his folks he is going to have a hard time avoiding the law.

I'm not a parent but to be honest with,...you could probably tell him you don't want him doing it,...but that's not going to stop him. He's getting to the age where he is going to make choices regardless whether you approve of them or not. I'd get familiar with your local laws, come up with some of your own rules, educate him on the laws and your rules and then let him live with the consequences of his choices.

Again I'm not a parent, but this seems reasonable to me.

MJ5150 · #5 05-20-2010, 11:28 AM

No yelling and freaking out though.

-Mike

hdracer · #6 05-20-2010, 11:29 AM

Yeah, I am just not sure what to do. My dad would pull the belt off. Think that slowed me down?

Scottgun · #7 05-20-2010, 11:31 AM

Sorry to hear that. My kids have not reached that age yet, but I am learning quickly that no one knows what worry really is until they have kids and like you, I've had a past. The only thing I can think of is try not to read him the riot act and go into rage mode, but let him know that in no uncertain terms what your rules and expectations are and enforce them strictly. Kids may rail against discipline and structure, but they actually do respond well to and subconciously appreciate clearly-defined boundaries. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Relic · #8 05-20-2010, 11:32 AM

Sit him down and have a good heart to heart. No yelling, keep the temper in check. But it needs to be made clear that you have rules that he needs to abide by.
If it were me I would also remind him that I'm no neophyte to this stuff and basically, there's really no hiding it from me or bs-ing his way out of it.

IconBasser · #9 05-20-2010, 11:32 AM

tell him to get a vaporizer. Smoking anything out of a bong or pipe can cause cancer.

mike_v_s · #10 05-20-2010, 11:39 AM

One of my concerns would be his paraphernalia/stash in your house. My old man was pretty clear about it: "I can't stop you from doing it, but if you put me or anything I own in jeopardy because you want to have a good time, you better find another place to live."

As for the lecture, I'm not sure what to tell you. Obviously, his schooling is going to impact his future and should be a concern. I think I'd have more trouble if he was 16, doing GREAT in school and I found a bong. Your previous actions aren't in question here. He needs to be aware that, at 16, he's not legally responsible for himself. You are. As such, you're going to have a say in what he does and when he does it. He should eb old enough to understand the balance you're trying to strike.

Mike

hdracer · #11 05-20-2010, 11:44 AM

I should say that I am more disappointed then mad. He is the youngest of four. I have had to deal with shoplifting and all the other kid stuff with the others. My first son would be 26 now. He died when he was 18, from drugs......

aborgman · #12 05-20-2010, 11:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MakiSupaStar

It's your house. Your rules. Period. Don't feel guilty because you partied in the past. It's irrelevant to his behavior and your expectations of him.

Bingo.

jady · #13 05-20-2010, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MakiSupaStar

It's your house. Your rules. Period. Don't feel guilty because you partied in the past. It's irrelevant to his behavior and your expectations of him.

WOW!!!

Maki is the voice of reason and maturity...........

What has this board come to

guroove · #14 05-20-2010, 11:51 AM

Maybe he just needs to hear that it ruined my life, and left me a fat, depressed loser. I always thought it was non-addictive, but after smoking pot for 20 years, I see that my life has gone nowhere and my brain is completely fried. I can't even type a coherent paragraph because my brain is completely fried. Have I mentioned that it fried my brain? I am a fat loser, and I owe it all to smoking bongs for 20 years.

elgecko · #15 05-20-2010, 11:56 AM

I feel there absolutely nothing wrong with marijuana as long as you're taking care of business.

If he's "blowing it" by carelessly leaving his bong around, messing up at school, and the usual stuff, he's clearly not taking care of business. I'd sit him down and tell him to shape out.

Sorry to hear about you oldest, that's horrible!

GeneralElectric · #16 05-20-2010, 11:56 AM

I've been smoking myself for a long while, drinking too. I've also delved into some other stuff that I'd rather not mention, but I don't really do that anymore.

My parents motto was that so long as all your stuff gets done, and you're not dead, and your girlfriend isn't pregnant, then go nuts. Not the best parenting in the world but hey. It sounds as if your kid is just slacking off and getting high. He's probably new to it and its a really novel idea for him.

Even though I've been a daily smoker for years now, I didn't own a bong at 16. I also didn't smoke at home as its disrespectful.

What you need to tell him is that you can't stop him from smoking or drinking. You can't be there for him forever. You do need to tell him to use things in moderation and not let them affect other areas of his life. You don't need to yell at him.

Tenatively I'd say punish him, but only for being stupid enough to have a bong, stupider still for leaving it right out in the open, and disrespectful enough to smoke it in your home/garage.

Relic · #17 05-20-2010, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hdracer

I should say that I am more disappointed then mad. He is the youngest of four. I have had to deal with shoplifting and all the other kid stuff with the others. My first son would be 26 now. He died when he was 18, from drugs......

Ugh so sorry to hear that.... all the more reason to sit him down and talk. Cant let this one go. (IMHO)

warwick.hoy · #18 05-20-2010, 12:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeneralElectric

I've been smoking myself for a long while, drinking too. I've also delved into some other stuff that I'd rather not mention, but I don't really do that anymore.

My parents motto was that so long as all your stuff gets done, and you're not dead, and your girlfriend isn't pregnant, then go nuts. Not the best parenting in the world but hey. It sounds as if your kid is just slacking off and getting high. He's probably new to it and its a really novel idea for him.

Even though I've been a daily smoker for years now, I didn't own a bong at 16. I also didn't smoke at home as its disrespectful.

What you need to tell him is that you can't stop him from smoking or drinking. You can't be there for him forever. You do need to tell him to use things in moderation and not let them affect other areas of his life. You don't need to yell at him.

Tenatively I'd say punish him, but only for being stupid enough to have a bong, stupider still for leaving it right out in the open, and disrespectful enough to smoke it in your home/garage.

That's a hard line to draw because it's not any more respectful for him to be doing it at someone else's home,...so that leaves him doing it in public and the law can be a lot harsher than a parent's rules but again this would be about choices and consequences.

hdracer · #19 05-20-2010, 12:08 PM

I am really thinking about going home early today and telling him to get in the truck and driving him out to John's grave to have a little "talk" with his older brother. I just wish I had a photo of that little boy crying his eyes out at his brothers funeral.

guroove · #20 05-20-2010, 12:13 PM

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make light of this thread. I started my post before the one you made about your oldest. That is terrible, and he really ought to know better. My condolences to you and your family.