Need to sound off...

[Evil Undead]

I thought I'd start a thread here because I'm wanting to sound off, but please feel free to jump in with comments and suggestions at any time if you want to. For those that think I'm just looking for attention, you know where to go.

I'm an Asperger's Syndrome and ADD "sufferer". People just dismiss it so readily and assume that it doesn't affect me in the slightest but it really does.

I feel like no one really understands how difficult it is - I'm almost always bored to death because I can't hold my attention on anything, I have no friends because of my social inadequacies... even my colleagues don't like me because they just think I'm an ass - I'm not, I just don't understand people very well and read everything wrong, don't get sarcasm and jokes, don't know when I should drop a subject, can't read body language...

They all pretend to be friends with me at work, but moan about my mannerisms etc behind my back. And they leave me out of everything - they've all gone to see a band in London tonight and the first I heard of it was when I read about it on someone's Facebook page - they didn't even invite me. They go to lunch without me all the time, to the pub after work...

I do my best to fit in, but never do. It's the same from job to job, town to town. I really like my job but I'm wondering if I should start looking for another - but I know I would just go through the same process all over again.

It really hurts. I don't know what to do any more.

[MakiSupaStar]

Don't waste your time trying to be friends with people who obviously are not. Instead, find people that like hanging out with you. My niece has been diagnosed with mild asbergers and ADHD as a complication of NF-1. She has no problem reading and understanding complex stuff from a book, but struggles with reading people. Like you, she just wants to fit in and be a part of the other little girls in her school but has no idea deciphering whose a friend and who is not. She's going through therapy for it with the goal of first defining what makes a friend, and then second determining who fit mostly into this category around her. I'm sure you're well past that step, but perhaps a revisit to your definition?

[Tituscrow]

You don't find friends, friends find you. Even if it feels like it will never happen, it will.

Band probably blew anyway

[MJ5150]

Stop trying to fit in and be yourself. If you have good qualities, people will be attracted to them. I think many of us are turned off by people who try too hard to be "cool", or are putting up a front and hiding who they really are.

-Mike

[warwick.hoy]

Have you been open and honest with your friends on your Asperger's?

Have you tried to raise their awareness as to what Asperger's is?

[Eric Perry]

As someone who has worked with individuals with both disorders, I know they can affect you. If others don't think you, as a person, are not truly affected, then they are certainly not "friends" in any way.

Stay strong dude!

[warwick.hoy]

Originally Posted by Eric Perry

As someone who has worked with individuals with both disorders, I know they can affect you. If others don't think you, as a person, are not truly affected, then they are certainly not "friends" in any way.

Stay strong dude!

This is where I was going,...

While I have no direct connection with anyone that has Asperger's I am familiar enough with the condition to know that it has an affect on the people it afflicts.

If the people around you aren't understanding an empathetic,...then,... what Perry says.

[Ayce]

My 6 yr old has been diagnosed with aspergers and ADD, and like Evil, can't get jokes, read people and has no clue when to drop what she thinks is a joke or game. We take her outside to play with the other kids in the building, and everything seems to be fine, then poof! Off the deep end. Doesn't help there is a mean little girl who thinks it's funny to take things from the other kids and run off with or throw them in the tall grass.

When she went to private school, a lot of the other kids were glad to see her, and still miss her, but they couldn't handle the issues she has. She got hold of 3 jelly beans and 1/2 hour later, went into a screaming fit, because the rest of the kids were too loud. She never did like loud sudden noises, but loves music.
Even in public school, she did better academically than most of the other kids, but couldn't handle the socialization. (They were also way behind her skill level, and due to the "no child left behind/put ahead" bs she was bored stiff.)
We did narrow the trigger down to artificial food colours and flavourings, so we keep them to a minimum. Seems to help some. She is also very intelligent for her age, and can focus on many things, but is easily distracted. She is on Biphentin to help with that. She doesn't like the "no caffine" idea, but we keep that to a small amount as well. Not too much chocolate at once.

@Maki, what's NF-1?

[Skitch it!]

I wouldn't turn this in on yourself to an extent, I'm afraid society is prone to more than it's fair share of groupthink. Ultimately you need to establish friendships with people who can accept on a deeper level, which in these particular times can be difficult.

From the other side, it's difficult to put yourself in someone else's shoes if you have no understanding of how affecting certain traits can be, and we do tend to fear the unknown. But as mentioned in this thread, it may be an idea to look outside to other groups, rather than try for acceptance with a particular groupthink aspect. Which you ultimately may find pretty unsatisfying anyway. Take it easy, better the real thing than a substitution ime, imo.

[Evil Undead]

Originally Posted by MakiSupaStar

Don't waste your time trying to be friends with people who obviously are not. Instead, find people that like hanging out with you. My niece has been diagnosed with mild asbergers and ADHD as a complication of NF-1. She has no problem reading and understanding complex stuff from a book, but struggles with reading people. Like you, she just wants to fit in and be a part of the other little girls in her school but has no idea deciphering whose a friend and who is not. She's going through therapy for it with the goal of first defining what makes a friend, and then second determining who fit mostly into this category around her. I'm sure you're well past that step, but perhaps a revisit to your definition?

It's weird that I have no problem reading and understanding things from a book etc but my mind wanders so easily that even if it's a topic that's fairly interesting to me, I can barely concentrate.

Like a lot of people with AS disorders, I have to be completely and utterly obsessed with something for it to hold my interest, and then it will occupy 90% of my thoughts and conversations - which I'm told drives others crazy but I'm oblivious.

Originally Posted by Tituscrow

You don't find friends, friends find you. Even if it feels like it will never happen, it will.

Band probably blew anyway

Everyone says that, but I'm nearly 30 now, and still only have maybe 3 friends that I see once every 6 months - they are very patient people that put up with my countless issues but still don't wanna hang with me too often!

I'm lucky that my wife has the patience of a saint and loves me despite everything.

Originally Posted by MJ5150

Stop trying to fit in and be yourself. If you have good qualities, people will be attracted to them. I think many of us are turned off by people who try too hard to be "cool", or are putting up a front and hiding who they really are.

-Mike

I think I have some good qualities. I'm certainly not cool

Originally Posted by warwick.hoy

Have you been open and honest with your friends on your Asperger's?

Have you tried to raise their awareness as to what Asperger's is?

No. I don't like to talk about it with people - I'm rather ashamed of it, even though I know I shouldn't be. My wife knows, and a couple of people from work, but I don't talk about it.

Originally Posted by Eric Perry

As someone who has worked with individuals with both disorders, I know they can affect you. If others don't think you, as a person, are not truly affected, then they are certainly not "friends" in any way.

Stay strong dude!

Thanks man

Originally Posted by Ayce

My 6 yr old has been diagnosed with aspergers and ADD, and like Evil, can't get jokes, read people and has no clue when to drop what she thinks is a joke or game. We take her outside to play with the other kids in the building, and everything seems to be fine, then poof! Off the deep end. Doesn't help there is a mean little girl who thinks it's funny to take things from the other kids and run off with or throw them in the tall grass.

When she went to private school, a lot of the other kids were glad to see her, and still miss her, but they couldn't handle the issues she has. She got hold of 3 jelly beans and 1/2 hour later, went into a screaming fit, because the rest of the kids were too loud. She never did like loud sudden noises, but loves music.
Even in public school, she did better academically than most of the other kids, but couldn't handle the socialization. (They were also way behind her skill level, and due to the "no child left behind/put ahead" bs she was bored stiff.)
We did narrow the trigger down to artificial food colours and flavourings, so we keep them to a minimum. Seems to help some. She is also very intelligent for her age, and can focus on many things, but is easily distracted. She is on Biphentin to help with that. She doesn't like the "no caffine" idea, but we keep that to a small amount as well. Not too much chocolate at once.

@Maki, what's NF-1?

It's weird that you say about food conflicts - I wasn't allowed many sweets when I was a kid as they would drastically reduce my attention span and ability to sit still. I'd also get in to conflicts with the kids at school over nothing at all.

[Evil Undead]

Originally Posted by Skitch it!

I wouldn't turn this in on yourself to an extent, I'm afraid society is prone to more than it's fair share of groupthink. Ultimately you need to establish friendships with people who can accept on a deeper level, which in these particular times can be difficult.

From the other side, it's difficult to put yourself in someone else's shoes if you have no understanding of how affecting certain traits can be, and we do tend to fear the unknown. But as mentioned in this thread, it may be an idea to look outside to other groups, rather than try for acceptance with a particular groupthink aspect. Which you ultimately may find pretty unsatisfying anyway. Take it easy, better the real thing than a substitution ime, imo.

What's groupthink?

[Skitch it!]

Originally Posted by Evil Undead

What's groupthink?

I'd check out the Wiki page for that one, due to certain connections with various aspects. I think you might find some relevant context there, maybe

[Evil Undead]

Originally Posted by Skitch it!

I'd check out the Wiki page for that one, due to certain connections with various aspects. I think you might find some relevant context there, maybe

I'm not seeing the relevance

[Skitch it!]

Originally Posted by Evil Undead

I'm not seeing the relevance

Then maybe it isn't, it was more to do with the apparent attitude of your work colleagues and a little insight into the aspect of why they may take a certain angle. Not in all situations of course, but it is something to consider on certain levels I think. But if you feel it doesn't apply in your instance, forget I mentioned it. I wish you well and hope things even out over time.

[Evil Undead]

Originally Posted by Skitch it!

Then maybe it isn't, it was more to do with the apparent attitude of your work colleagues and a little insight into the aspect of why they may take a certain angle. Not in all situations of course, but it is something to consider on certain levels I think. But if you feel it doesn't apply in your instance, forget I mentioned it. I wish you well and hope things even out over time.

It could quite easily be that I'm missing something or just not getting it

[Skitch it!]

Originally Posted by Evil Undead

It could quite easily be that I'm missing something or just not getting it

Not at all, but I wouldn't say that society is not without it's own symptomatic issues, in different regards

[MJ5150]

Originally Posted by Evil Undead

I think I have some good qualities.

Good to hear man. I'm sure you'll be able to track down some friends, maybe you've been looking in the wrong spot.

-Mike

[cjmodulus]

OP, I've been where you are. I don't have any diagnosed conditions, but socializing has always been extremely hard for me. I went to a private middle school (only had 33 or so kids in my grade) and I was lucky to have a small group of friends who put up with me. I was sort of the last one to really mature in our grade.
Well, along comes high school and we all go our separate ways. I ended up in public school, participating in a program that allowed me to take my academics at the town high school and go to a magnet school to take advanced music classes (right now I'm doing composition 2 and AP theory) and to play in advanced ensembles. The downside is that despite living in my town since I was 6, I knew no one when I switched to public school. My whole freshman year was really hard, I made a lot of friends at the magnet school, but at my town HS (or 'sending school' as we call them) I was out of luck. I was trying to fit into groups where I simply didnt belong. A friend at the magnet school from my town asked me to jam one day, and through him I made several friends in my town, all who share similar interest and who I am truly proud to call my friends.
Quite simply, if they're not willing to accept you and if you dont have a lot in common, you may simply be a bad fit for the group. But if you work through it, it gets better. Best of luck man.

[MakiSupaStar]

Originally Posted by Ayce

My 6 yr old has been diagnosed with aspergers and ADD, and like Evil, can't get jokes, read people and has no clue when to drop what she thinks is a joke or game. We take her outside to play with the other kids in the building, and everything seems to be fine, then poof! Off the deep end. Doesn't help there is a mean little girl who thinks it's funny to take things from the other kids and run off with or throw them in the tall grass.

When she went to private school, a lot of the other kids were glad to see her, and still miss her, but they couldn't handle the issues she has. She got hold of 3 jelly beans and 1/2 hour later, went into a screaming fit, because the rest of the kids were too loud. She never did like loud sudden noises, but loves music.
Even in public school, she did better academically than most of the other kids, but couldn't handle the socialization. (They were also way behind her skill level, and due to the "no child left behind/put ahead" bs she was bored stiff.)
We did narrow the trigger down to artificial food colours and flavourings, so we keep them to a minimum. Seems to help some. She is also very intelligent for her age, and can focus on many things, but is easily distracted. She is on Biphentin to help with that. She doesn't like the "no caffine" idea, but we keep that to a small amount as well. Not too much chocolate at once.

@Maki, what's NF-1?

Not to derail the thread, but NF-1 in a nutshell is tumor disorder that causes the body to grow tumors on the end of nerve endings. It tends to really present during growth spurts and hormonal times. It can be deadly, and crippling in its extreme, and a nuisance to say the least in a mild case. Still it is accompanied with a lot of learning disability and disorders. My niece is a highly intelligent little girl, but she has extreme ADHD, and is right on the edge of the scale used to measure aspergers.

Here's the wiki link for a start.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurofibromatosis_type_I

Sorry about the derail folks.

[Ayce]

Thanks, Maki. Not related in her case.

We now return to your regularly scheduled thread.