Need to vent...

[chris1125]

First let me say that I rarely get upset but I'm extremely disappointed right now, some advice would be nice. I'm a college student, I have a group of friends that I am with regularly. Tonight me and one of these friends were bored so I text three of our friends, none of whom answer. I don't think much of it and we go to get a pizza. On the way back we run into one of the friends who didn't answer us. We invite her over for a slice.

Now, this is where I got upset. She comes to our room and says that ALL of the other friends were together when I texted 3 of them and for whatever reason they were purposely avoiding us. Now this girl is somebody who I was interested in a little while back. She goes onto say that this guy (another mutual friend) who she had a thing with and then argued with for a few weeks before becoming friends again, was hitting on her big time. Now, this guy hits on just about everyone so I'm not surprised. She said she got mad when he was texting his x while holding her hand :P

She went onto say that they all had plans to drink tomorrow (all underage) with a 21yo who has a thing for and wouldn't hesitate to take advantage of this girl in the group. She made it clear that we weren't invited (not that I would go anyways). So what I got out of this whole thing was that our friends were intentionally avoiding us for no apparent reason and decided it was a good idea to all get drunk, once again without us, and hook up is what I'm assuming.

I feel sick, I've lost all respect for the entire group. I liked this girl who wants to get drunk and hook up with a guy that won't stop texting his girlfriend while hurting on her, one of my best friends was with the group, I knew this and he completely avoided my text and call. They are putting a innocent girl in danger with this 21 year old who's bringing the drinks. I just really didn't think they were like that. I feel almost like I'm back in high school, I lost most of my good friends to this kind of drama.

Sorry for the long rant, I just don't ever get upset and I literally feel sick. In extremely disappointed in all of my friends, I thought they weren't like that. Suggestions?

[bassteban]

Sometimes its too bad you can't *unfriend

[bassteban]

Oops- damn phone. ..can't *unfriend* real people as easily as online acquaintances

[lowfreq33]

You're in college. That's what people do.

You come off as being pretty judgmental about drinking. Maybe that's why they were avoiding you? Could be time for some new friends.

[T-Bird]

Hi.

If You think that's bad, just wait until you're a bit older and the power play really starts.

Regards
Sam

[mcnach]

Some people use the word friend too easily. Those you describe are not friends...

[matey]

crap here i am thinking about my own selfish self and my problems like my sister murdering her baby then killing herself growing up with a phycopathic cop killer and how i though i had managed to stay reasonably sane

when here we have the youth of today who have a real problem that they cant solve without using social media

go figure

[chris1125]

That's the thing, I thought they were my friends but apparently they're not. I will say that the guy I was with might come across as judgmental. The thing is I really didn't think they were like that. Yeah, I get that it's college and I see it all the time around school but this is the last group I'd expect it from. Only one of them drinks regularly and it I just feel like they are going to regret what happens, especially the two girls.

[Winfred]

People are under no obligation to live up to your standards. If you think they are, you're gonna go through life very disappointed.

[1958Bassman]

Originally Posted by bassteban

Oops- damn phone. ..can't *unfriend* real people as easily as online acquaintances

Why not? People change and sometimes friends change in ways that one, or both, can't tolerate. I blew off someone I had known for almost 30 years because he was unbearable. Constantly bitches about how crazy his wife is, acts like he does nothing wrong, gives people a hard time for things he does on a regular basis and doesn't want to hear anyone's opinion if it doesn't agree with his. The thing he doesn't consider is the fact that his wife is reacting to the way he is and the things he does/says (usually without any thought about the reaction of others). Thinks all women are here to service him and was acting like someone we both know wanted him, even though they were both married (she divorced her husband but "Zippy" is still married). Biggest PITA I have ever met and when I got fed up, I stopped all communication. The list of his "issues" is too long to post.

When I have been asked why I don't associate with this goof, I just say "The person I have become can't stand the person he has become" and in my case, I have made some of the changes intentionally.

To the OP- don't base friendships on drinking. Also, don't expect that you'll associate with people you see now, for the rest of your life- some "friendships" are only temporary. They're good while they last but when you find true friends, you'll know it- they'll be there for you when you need them and vise-versa, but asking each other won't really be necessary- it will automatically seem like the thing to do. The others are more like acquaintances- fun while they last but when it's over, you'll see that it's not a big deal.

[AnchorHoy]

Originally Posted by Winfred

People are under no obligation to live up to your standards. If you think they are, you're gonna go through life very disappointed.

+1

People who go around saying "I'm not judgemental" are full of it IMHO. Judgement is a vital survival skill that everybody uses every single day for many reasons, good and bad, and in my experience the "I don't judge" crowd is the most judgemental of all

Sounds to me like you have been judged to be incompatible with the group, therefore they cut you out of the social (and booty) action. Such is life, and it certainly won't change as you get older

[mcnach]

Originally Posted by matey

crap here i am thinking about my own selfish self and my problems like my sister murdering her baby then killing herself growing up with a phycopathic cop killer and how i though i had managed to stay reasonably sane

when here we have the youth of today who have a real problem that they cant solve without using social media

go figure

Sorry for your loss, but, seriously, the world does not revolve around you... I'm not sure what you are trying to achieve telling someone you have it worse than them. It sounds condescending as well.

[chris1125]

Yeah I guess they just don't want me in the group for some reason. That didn't even bother me, they're not my only friends. I guess what easily bothered me is that one of them that I've known for several years and gang out with daily was with the group, I literally saw him walk in and he decides to completely ignore me. The drinking thing was just more of turn off then anything. "Somebody can't stop talking to his x while hitting on you so let's get drunk and hope we don't regret anything". Plus they know the person they asked for the drinks wants to hook up with the other girl in the group.

It just shows a lack of judgment. This is the same girl that told me how she thought it was sick that her roommate was in bed with her boyfriend one night.

I guess I did use friend sort of loosely. Most of the group are more acquaintances, but I would say one was a good friend and the girl who told us all this was somebody who I'd have considered a friend.

I know it seems like I'm mad over nothing. I just feel pissed at everybody I've spent time with this year.

[bolophonic]

Originally Posted by mcnach

Sorry for your loss, but, seriously, the world does not revolve around you...

This has to be a new gold standard of dick commentary.

[MJ5150]

I know how you feel. I can think back to when I was younger and the disappointment I felt when I first found out some of my friends were engaging in activities that previously we all thought were inappropriate or unacceptable.

For some, it's an experimental thing. Others may make it a way of life. So hang tight, you may find they come back to you regretting the decision they made.

-Mike

[mcnach]

Originally Posted by bolophonic

This has to be a new gold standard of dick commentary.

Indeed, I meant to reply like a Dick to a Dick "boo hoo, let's talk about me instead" condescending post.

What else?

[Hopkins]

Originally Posted by chris1125

Now, this is where I got upset. She comes to our room and says that ALL of the other friends were together when I texted 3 of them and for whatever reason they were purposely avoiding us. Now this girl is somebody who I was interested in a little while back. She goes onto say that this guy (another mutual friend) who she had a thing with and then argued with for a few weeks before becoming friends again, was hitting on her big time. Now, this guy hits on just about everyone so I'm not surprised. She said she got mad when he was texting his x while holding her hand :P

She went onto say that they all had plans to drink tomorrow (all underage) with a 21yo who has a thing for and wouldn't hesitate to take advantage of this girl in the group. She made it clear that we weren't invited (not that I would go anyways). So what I got out of this whole thing was that our friends were intentionally avoiding us for no apparent reason and decided it was a good idea to all get drunk, once again without us, and hook up is what I'm assuming.

I feel sick, I've lost all respect for the entire group. I liked this girl who wants to get drunk and hook up with a guy that won't stop texting his girlfriend while hurting on her, one of my best friends was with the group, I knew this and he completely avoided my text and call. They are putting a innocent girl in danger with this 21 year old who's bringing the drinks. I just really didn't think they were like that. I feel almost like I'm back in high school, I lost most of my good friends to this kind of drama.

I assume you are all out of high school right? You are making out like this big bad 21 year old is taking advantage of a 15 year old girl. Just because someone has a few drinks doesn't mean they are going to break out in a wild, unprotected, VD infested, orgy.

It sounds to me that the girl you like isn't interested and you got pissed that she was spending time with other dudes. Trust me, you are in college, you have no real problems. So go have a good time, try and find some strange, and enjoy yourself. Or keep on doing what your doing, and just stay at home sobbing into your pillow. I have friends, sometimes the whole group isn't there. The ones that aren't there don't get upset and go on the internet looking for a cyber shoulder to cry on. They find something else to do, or stay at home.

[chris1125]

Originally Posted by Hopkins

I assume you are all out of high school right? You are making out like this big bad 21 year old is taking advantage of a 15 year old girl. Just because someone has a few drinks doesn't mean they are going to break out in a wild, unprotected, VD infested, orgy.

It sounds to me that the girl you like isn't interested and you got pissed that she was spending time with other dudes. Trust me, you are in college, you have no real problems. So go have a good time, try and find some strange, and enjoy yourself. Or keep on doing what your doing, and just stay at home sobbing into your pillow. I have friends, sometimes the whole group isn't there. The ones that aren't there don't get upset and go on the internet looking for a cyber shoulder to cry on. They find something else to do, or stay at home.

Yeah, we're all out of high school. Notice that I said I USE to be interested. I've been over it for like a month, as soon as the thing started between her and that guy. She just seemed smarter then that.

[jmattbassplaya]

Yeah dude, you're over thinking things here. You're going to go through a lot of groups of friends during college; some will stick around the whole time and some won't, so don't take it personally. I actually lost the majority of my high school friends during my college tenure, and while it sucked at first I learned that I was better off and that it wasn't a huge deal. Just keep on keeping on and you'll be fine.

[matey]

Originally Posted by mcnach

Sorry for your loss, but, seriously, the world does not revolve around you... I'm not sure what you are trying to achieve telling someone you have it worse than them. It sounds condescending as well.

ya reckon?