Need to vent...

[Chef FourString]

You can't help what others may or may not do, you can only help what you do. I know how you feel, dude. People are people.

[Hopkins]

Originally Posted by chris1125

Yeah, we're all out of high school. Notice that I said I USE to be interested. I've been over it for like a month, as soon as the thing started between her and that guy. She just seemed smarter then that.

You say our over it, but could a bunch of dudes getting drunk with out her involved make you that upset? If you were really over it, you wouldn't have brought her up separately.

[bassteban]

Originally Posted by 1958Bassman

Why not?

I was only speaking from my own experience/perspective- pointing out that ignoring or cutting ties w/online acquaintances is often simpler than w/people one will actually bump into in real life. Not sure what my point was- the beer may very well have been in charge at that point... I think whatever valid thought I nearly expressed was posted far more clearly by others(including yourself).
Lots of good stuff here, aside from mine.

[MJ5150]

Originally Posted by jmattbassplaya

Just keep on keeping on and you'll be fine.

Joe? Joe Dirt? Is that you?

-Mike

[agent77]

Hey, fellow Erie bassist!

College is a learning experience. And not just from books.

How's that old saying go? "You can count your real friends on one hand......"

[chris1125]

I was mad that they were avoiding us, the drinking thing just put the icing on the cake. Notice I mentioned the other girl in the group too. It's not that I'm interrested in either at this point, I think they are both making a mistake. I'm looking at it from a friend perspective who doesn't wasn't them to make regrettable decisions. I'm sort of over it, they can make there own decisions but I think I'm done with that group.

[jmattbassplaya]

Originally Posted by chris1125

I was mad that they were avoiding us, the drinking thing just put the icing on the cake. Notice I mentioned the other girl in the group too. It's not that I'm interrested in either at this point, I think they are both making a mistake. I'm looking at it from a friend perspective who doesn't wasn't them to make regrettable decisions. I'm sort of over it, they can make there own decisions but I think I'm done with that group.

Eh, you're kinda coming off as being controlling. The last thing anyone wants is to feel like their being controlled or that they're being judged by their actions - especially from their own friends. It's not your place to protect your friends from stuff that they want to do, especially when what they want to do isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

[LiquidMidnight]

Originally Posted by Winfred

People are under no obligation to live up to your standards. If you think they are, you're gonna go through life very disappointed.

This is one of the best quotes I've read on TB in a while. I honestly wish it were mine. Very true, and even more true when you apply it to the musicians that you'll be playing with in projects.

Yeah, it sounds like your group of friends are going to be making some stupid mistakes, but you need to just let them make those mistakes. The truth of the matter is I graduated college four and a half years ago, and I forget the majority of the names of the people I associated with in college. I'm not kidding. I remember faces and some random facts, but for the most part, I couldn't tell you their names. Aside from a small handful that you'll remain in contact with, friendships in college are generally very much in the "temporary" category.

[MakiSupaStar]

First. Don't be friend's with chicks. Let chicks hang out with you and your bros (that's how you get laid once in awhile) but don't hold chick's to the same standards of friendship you have with your bros. Chicks, in general, especially at that age, are flighty. I live with a sexy Japanese co-ed and have become strategically friendly with a few of her sexy friends, but I don't rely on their friendship, It's the age they're at right now.

Second. If your approach to getting laid with a chick is to first be friend's with them, then you are walking down a very long road of disappointment. Do like your buddy does. Tap everything. At your age you should be about quantity not quality because most of these chick's are at the peak of their physical appearance. Be very clear with your intentions. Chick's might put up the front of being disgusted by your crass and base intentions, but many of them love it and will definitely let you know when they're not around their girlfriends. But always half-joking half-not remind them that your only interest in them is for the purposes of getting laid. I kid you not, I dated a chick for over a year simply because she loved the fact that when I first met her at a party I flat out told her that I'm not paying any attention and intend to take no interest in the words coming out of her mouth unless she's talking about leaving with me to go back to my house to get laid. Or something like that. To be honest I was drunk and didn't remember saying it. She told me that at first she hated me for saying it, but by the end of the evening she really liked it because she had never met a guy that was that straightforward about it. Don't underestimate a chick's power to process these things. Remember they're at the same age as you and are probably looking for the same things too. Quantity over quality. Go. Always wear a jimmy.

[chris1125]

I'm just not like that, I'm not particularly conservative but I hate alcohol because of what it does to people. I wouldn't mind being in a relationship but it definitely wouldn't be for the sex unless it got really serious. I'd like to think most smart girls would be the same way. I know a lot of people are hooking up and drinking because it's college, I knew that going in. In the past I've just walked away when my friends got like this but it's sort of a small community. I'm just going to let it go untill after the break and I think everything will be back to normal if they don't hook up or get kicked out of the dorms or something.

[MakiSupaStar]

Originally Posted by chris1125

I'm just not like that, I'm not particularly conservative but I hate alcohol because of what it does to people. I wouldn't mind being in a relationship but it definitely wouldn't be for the sex unless it got really serious. I'd like to think most smart girls would be the same way. I know a lot of people are hooking up and drinking because it's college, I knew that going in. In the past I've just walked away when my friends got like this but it's sort of a small community. I'm just going to let it go untill after the break and I think everything will be back to normal if they don't hook up or get kicked out of the dorms or something.

It's good to recognize how you're wired. But the notion of quantity over quality doesn't necessarily have anything to do with alcohol. I've hooked up with plenty of chicks being the designated driver, even when both of us are sober. It really boils down to whether or not alcohol is a deal breaker for you, if it is, at you're age, you're limiting you options in some regards. But I'm sure you're already aware of this.

[chris1125]

Clearly you don't understand that I don't want to hook up with the girls at this school. Most of them are always partying and even if there was a girl I liked, I wouldn't make a move unless it got really seriouse. I feel like a lot of people regret things they did in college, I'd rather not be like that.

[MakiSupaStar]

Originally Posted by chris1125

Clearly you don't understand that I don't want to hook up with the girls at this school. Most of them are always partying and even if there was a girl I liked, I wouldn't make a move unless it got really seriouse. I feel like a lot of people regret things they did in college, I'd rather not be like that.

I don't regret anything from college. Be careful you don't regret what/who you don't do too. Good luck. I think you might need to relax your standards a little bit, but that's just me. I wish you the best my friend.

[Pilgrim]

Don't waste time on people who are a waste of time.

Those who are a waste of time are those who don't treat you or others with respect.

Leave the Jr High games to kids in Jr High.

[Hopkins]

Originally Posted by chris1125

I feel like a lot of people regret things they did in college, I'd rather not be like that.

So later in life you will regret missing out on experiences, because you were afraid you would regret them later. You only live once dude, this isn't a dress rehearsal. There is nothing regrettable about living life when your young.

Believe it or not, there are alot of good people that drink socially. You are demonizing it, like one of those 1930s anti pot movies. You can have a few drinks and not wind up knocking some chick up, or getting STD's. I'm guessing that your friends are avoiding you because they want to have a good time and don't want to be judged for having a couple of rounds.

[Bloodhammer]

Originally Posted by Winfred

People are under no obligation to live up to your standards. If you think they are, you're gonna go through life very disappointed.

Yeah. You don't want to grow into an angry old man who constantly rants about the immorality of society.

Just stay away from meth, and you should get by without regrets.

[chris1125]

I'm not a beer Nazi. Like I said, quite a few of my friends drink. I don't particularly enjoy it but have no problem with social drinking. The problem I have is what she told me which is that they (non drinkers) were drinking with the intention of getting drunk, something they've never done before. Call me crazy for questioning there judgment. Either way I'm over it. I ran into a couple of them today and asked if they got my text and they bs'd about not getting it until late. If they don't want me in there group I could really care less.

[MakiSupaStar]

You sound a little intense. People change their mind about drinking. There's no rules here. If they said they don't drink and then decide to get drunk, big deal. If they don't respond to your texts, not a big deal. About the only thing you can rely on is that you can't rely on them. Next. Move on.

I think what happened here is that you inferred one thing about this chick, the inference being that you liked this chick, but then you appear more concerned about the other problems; the fact that she drinks, or drank, or is going to drink having once said that she doesn't drink, and the problem of her and her friends hanging out, receiving your texts, and not being real attentive to their phones. Again, not a big deal in the great scheme of things. Then it appears they don't stand up to your judgement in your assessment of whether or not they were either lying to you, or blowing you off, or just being flakey, which again, doesn't matter much in the big scheme of things.

But part of friendship in my opinion is that everyone is hanging out with who they feel mutual friendship for. Sometimes you hang out with everyone, sometimes you hang out in more intimate circles, sometimes you're selective about who you hang out with. You do what's best for you ultimately.

Instead of shrugging your shoulders and having a good time with who you were with at the time, you chose to kind of sit around and become an investigator stacking up evidence against them. Why? I would bet that these chicks kind felt creeped out by that. People are flakes, sure. Especially musicians, right? But even flakes don't like it when a friend is trying to catch them in a lie or accuse them leaving him out. That's the kid a group always ditches. It was the same when you were a kid, and it's the same now. Friends hang out with friends so they can put their guard down and relax. No one wants to be on the defensive all the time, because one of their friends is accusing them of this or accusing them of that. That stuff is straight out of all that reality tv crap. The friends that are friends are the friends that are calling you to see what you're doing. You spontaneously seek out and hook up with new people, but unless that stuff is reciprocated you gotta just let it fade. Who the hell cares? Friendship shouldn't require a lot of thought in that aspect.

This is why, in my opinion, it is better to seek a chick by talking directly to the chick, not through hanging out with their friends. If you're trying to approach her by trying to coordinate your circle to hang out with her circle, you get all kinds of weird contrived situations like what you're experiencing. If you dig a chick, and you see an opportunity, you simply invite her to spend some time with just the two of you doing something. That sorts all this drama out up front. If she digs you, cool, you're starting to hang out and she'll either start inviting you and or your buddies to hang out with her and her chick friends and that's subsequently how groups of friends start hooking up. This approach works best in almost any situation. A family friend, a buddy's sister, a buddy's mom, the chick across the street, the chick you bump into at the supermarket, at a party, being a designated driver, hanging out on the beach, smoking in the alley, whatever, it doesn't matter. However frequent you decide to do this is your prerogative. I choose to do it many and numerous times with very little regard for a high standard. All I need is one good feature and the age old litmus test as to whether or not the venture awaiting you could be potentially better than an evening with yourself. You might hold standards a little higher, but this is why I say quantity. How you choose to live your life is your own design and I could care less.

[T-Bird]

Hi.

Oh, to be young and fulla juice again .

That burning up inside jealosy towards anyone being with any member of the opposite sex You happen to have even a slightest interest in, THAT I don't miss at all though.

Originally Posted by chris1125

I was mad that they were avoiding us, the drinking thing just put the icing on the cake. Notice I mentioned the other girl in the group too. It's not that I'm interrested in either at this point, I think they are both making a mistake. I'm looking at it from a friend perspective who doesn't wasn't them to make regrettable decisions. I'm sort of over it, they can make there own decisions but I think I'm done with that group.

Us?
If it makes You feel any better, chances are that the friend that was with you was just the sacrificial lamb who drew the shortest straw so the rest of the group would be able to have a good time. Or he just voluntarily took "one for the team" for a reason or another.

Parenting & judging Your friends do's and shouldn't do's is about the fastest way of losing 'em BTW. And by Your posts, it does sound a lot like that.

And, the mistakes they may do, are theirs to make.

Originally Posted by chris1125

Clearly you don't understand that I don't want to hook up with the girls at this school. Most of them are always partying and even if there was a girl I liked, I wouldn't make a move unless it got really seriouse.

Hook up with someone from the neighbouring school then. Problem solved.
You'll probably be beaten up by her jealous male friends though, but that's the price to pay.

Take this from an experienced loner back in his teens: if You really wait and wait and hope and wait for it to be serious (by YOUR standards no less) before "making Your move", you can wait 'till you're old and wrinkly.
Took me a sweet while to realise that back in the day, but I'm glad I eventually did.

Originally Posted by chris1125

I feel like a lot of people regret things they did in college, I'd rather not be like that.

You're very young, so that line of thinking is understandable, but I know far more people who regret what they didn't do, than people who do. Me included .

Fiends aren't necessary, but they sure are nice to have around, but You really can't force anyone to be genuinely friends with anyone. So the sooner You realise that and more importantly stop trying to, the sooner you can climb up from the hole you've dug for yourself.

Regards
Sam